What will going to "the best" elementary/high school/AAP ultimately mean for your child's future?

[Anonymous]

This is a good thread. I think the AAP classes will provide my child with peers who are serious about school work. All of them may not be brilliant, but most of them will be hard workers who care about learning and about school. At least that is what I hope. I was one of those students who did quite well in school. But when I was not in honors classes, I sometimes felt like a fish out of water, because I cared about my school work more than many of my classmates. There's less of a danger of that with an AAP class.

[Anonymous]

This is a great thread. Yes, it is about what's best for a particular child. A school is supposed to provide only part of what's necessary to help your child fufill his or her potential in life. The child and his or her own drive does the rest. My job as parent is to offer emotional support, guidance, and a good atmosphere for studying in my home.

[Anonymous]

I am interested in the best educational experience for my child, from elementary all the way up. I want my child to have school nurture and encourage his love of learning and excitement about increasing his understanding of how the world works, not stifle it. I do not want him to have a schooling experience that treats him like and trains him to be a drone.

That being said, I don't live in an area with good public schools so we are looking at private. He is not yet at the age to be evaluated for GT programs, and if it were determined that he would benefit from them I would pursue them.

I think the OP's phrasing says a lot about the view of purpose of education that I am trying to avoid: I am not concerned about what it can do for his future, I am concerned about his experience in the present. The same will be true when we get to the college level; I do not want my child to be in a university setting where everyone is always only asking "is this going to be on the test?" and "how will this class help me get a job?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in the best educational experience for my child, from elementary all the way up. I want my child to have school nurture and encourage his love of learning and excitement about increasing his understanding of how the world works, not stifle it. I do not want him to have a schooling experience that treats him like and trains him to be a drone.

That being said, I don't live in an area with good public schools so we are looking at private. He is not yet at the age to be evaluated for GT programs, and if it were determined that he would benefit from them I would pursue them.

I think the OP's phrasing says a lot about the view of purpose of education that I am trying to avoid: I am not concerned about what it can do for his future, I am concerned about his experience in the present. The same will be true when we get to the college level; I do not want my child to be in a university setting where everyone is always only asking "is this going to be on the test?" and "how will this class help me get a job?"[/quote]

I was with you completely up til that last bit. I know I can't chose their majors, but I will be footing some or most of the bill, and I will not be too happy paying $200,000+(which is what I expect the costs will be starting in 8 years) for some B.S. major that wont lead to a job. God forgive me, I do want them to find something that pays well.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- I take your comment as meaning that you value "the best education" for what it offers your child right now and you are willing to pay for it or expend extra effort for it. I understand that and I appreciate hearing your perspective.

I guess I'm looking at education as a cost vs. benefit comparison and if I have to move to another location to get into a better elementary school, to get into a better high school, to get into a better college to eventually have my child get a ----- degree, and then get a job, I have to wonder if there is a more cost efficient way to get to the same point. (By cost, I mean both monetary and emotional cost). In order to make that comparison, I'm asking for feedback on what the ultimate benefit is (for jobs/status/happiness/success/etc).

As for the here-n-now benefit, I accept your evaluation of the benefit for you. I do not look at education or other purchases for my child as trying to give them the best of ---- at this moment. (for example, I'm sure there are some really great summer camps out there, but I'm not spending $400/week to give them a great experience for the summer.... I'm spending substantially less b/c I'm choosing another use for my $.) Same with education... I'm thinking my kids can probably get 90% of jobs by going to regular grade school/high schools/colleges. The rest of my vision of "success" for my kids doesn't involve formal education, it involves relationships and community involvement and dependability and effort and humor, etc.

Thanks for all who have shared... keep sharing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well maybe I am not the person to answer your question. Our center is not one that is considered one of the "best". We did not have to appeal (but I would have) but DD's scores were uneven (and we were prepared to appeal).

If I had a kid who was doing well socially, was happy in their base school and was learning a lot, then no it would make no sense. But my kid was none of those things. She is one of those stereotypically quirky kids. She was bored, she was miserable, she was bullied and the teachers did NOT get her and honestly probably didn't even like her. She has a medical diagnosis and it created issues for them. She is sooooo much happier in the center. Life is not all roses and light, but she now has friends and she is not singled out. Her teachers and the counselor know better how to meet her social and emotional needs than did the base school. So knowing what I know about the program and depending on the needs of the kid, then I would definitely pursue the AAP identification as a means to an end.

I also think that the peer group factor becomes more important as kids get older. In K-2, most kids still basically love school and are happy to be there and learn. My oldest is now in 5th grade and I can assure you this is no longer true. Once kids start to hit 4th-5th grade, for whatever reason a lot of kids turn off. To be a kid who is eager and excited to learn and to have peers who view that as a less than desirable trait can be very hard on kids, especially girls. That is when many girls start to dumb themselves down to better fit in. I'm not saying it doesn't happen in AAP at all, but I do think it is less of an issue. And again, maybe in some schools this is not an issue, but I can only tell you that it is a HUGE issue for moms of older girls that I have seen. And having a girl who is very strong in math, I am quite worried about that effect.

I have to agree with you. My daughter is the same except for the medical. She is starting to shy away from her likes because the girls tease her. She is not into clothes, hair accersories, and other girly things. She likes insects, bugs, reptiles, amphibians, and other strange things. She really has no friends and the kids tell her she is a know it all and mean because she will tell them how to do things. She does not think like the other children and comes home daily frustrated with being bored. I am an advocate of gen ed and I have a son who is thriving in gen ed in 6th grade. He is also high IQ but we chose to keep him at his base school due to high-anxiety. His 3rd and 4th grade teachers told us to get him into center bcause he thought diferently and did not really fit in and was center material. He is doing great in gen ed so I know it works but for our daughter I am fighting for her. I have seen her completely withdraw this year and come home frustrated for being teased for being different. She used to love school and excel but now she has no interest because she is so bored. I can't say that center is the answer but at least I know I have tried to meet her learning needs.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to offend the last few posters, but has it occurred to you that some of you (and your child's teachers) need to work more with your children on their socialization skills?

If your child had a hard time reading or with math, you would make an extra effort to read with your child or find a tutor. However, when a bright child has problems with socialization, parents are now extremely quick to conclude that their children are gifted and special, and need to find their own space apart from the "gen ed" children. It's almost a badge of honor that a child has few or no friends in a regular classrrom, because that somehow means they are a cut above the riff-raff.

Bright children may be shy or have different interests from most of their peers, but there is no inherent reason why they can't be taught social skills or encouraged to make friends who do not share exactly the same interests. You know your own children best, but this strikes me as just another way in which children today are coddled. At some point they need to learn to deal with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean to offend the last few posters, but has it occurred to you that some of you (and your child's teachers) need to work more with your children on their socialization skills?

If your child had a hard time reading or with math, you would make an extra effort to read with your child or find a tutor. However, when a bright child has problems with socialization, parents are now extremely quick to conclude that their children are gifted and special, and need to find their own space apart from the "gen ed" children. It's almost a badge of honor that a child has few or no friends in a regular classrrom, because that somehow means they are a cut above the riff-raff.

Bright children may be shy or have different interests from most of their peers, but there is no inherent reason why they can't be taught social skills or encouraged to make friends who do not share exactly the same interests. You know your own children best, but this strikes me as just another way in which children today are coddled. At some point they need to learn to deal with others.

No offense taken and I do agree to an extent. This is one reason why my husband and I struggle with sending our daughter to center or keeping her in gen ed and fighting for her to be challenged. I do not believe center is the answer to everything and I do tell my daughter to ignore the other children but does it ever stop. There will be enough time for teasing in middle and high school. Do the other girls really need to tease in 2nd grade cause someone is different and likes different things? She is very tolerant of others and for the most part has great social skills, but to see my daughter start to not wear certain clothing because of the girls at school is heart-breaking. And yes I do teach her that being different is okay but one little 8 year old can only take so much teasing. Up until recently she has been so ecletic and her own person and I refuse to let that die because she is a little different in her thinking.

[Anonymous]

It's almost a badge of honor that a child has few or no friends in a regular classrrom

I am the 11:29 poster from the previous page. Seriously? You have NO IDEA what I go through as a parent every.single.freaking.day trying to help my child with her social struggles.

She's had umpteen evaluations. She's been in therapy off and on for years to help her cope with the anxiety and self esteem issues from this. She's done a formal, private social skills group at $$$$ that insurance did NOT cover. She is in a social skills group at school. She does counselor lunch bunches. Her teachers work with her in the time they have. She is in Girl Scouts. She takes piano and loves drama. We cultivate pop culture interests despite my thinking it is pathetic, but I hope that stuff like having a DS and a Wii, listening to Taylor Swift and watching drivel like The Suite Life will give her things in common with other girls. We have started trying medication so now we add a psychiatrist to the mix.

And no, it isn't us as parents, because her younger sibling is not like this. Her sister is popular and makes friends easily, which really only makes the self esteem issues so much harder for her older sister. You have NO IDEA what it is like to have the kid that others don't like. Who feels different and excluded. She IS different and quirky. She's also smart, loving and funny. In her base school there was NO ONE like her. NO ONE. In the center, she has friends and teachers who get her to some extent. It's not perfect, but it's a vast improvement.

Until you've walked a mile in my shoes and lived the life of a parent of a kid with special needs, just keep it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

13:48, we're like you. Older DD, qualified for GT, outgoing and well-liked, not quirky but great abstract thinker. By all accounts is likely to have a smooth path.

Younger DS, math whiz, early reader but has an IEP due to processing, attention and cognition/reasoning issues. Has significant social issues - the teachers love him (he's a cutie) but he has lots of trouble navigating how to interact with peers. DD gets invited to playdates and birthday parties all the time; DS hasn't been invited to a single one all school year. He notices this, and I think it will become more of an issue as he gets older. We do invite other kids to play and to his party, etc., but for whatever reason it's not reciprocated. We take him on outings and it is a joy when he sometimes finds someone at a playground, etc. who will interact with him. His big sister is also so great with him, and he's in the social skills group at school.

DD sometimes gets frustrated that DS can read and do math almost as well as she can, but on balance, I'd rather that he not be advanced academically if he could be more "normal" socially. My DD is a good example that you can teach academics; however, it is extremely hard to teach social skills and how to fit in with peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am the 11:29 poster from the previous page. Seriously? You have NO IDEA what I go through as a parent every.single.freaking.day trying to help my child with her social struggles.

She's had umpteen evaluations. She's been in therapy off and on for years to help her cope with the anxiety and self esteem issues from this. She's done a formal, private social skills group at $$$$ that insurance did NOT cover. She is in a social skills group at school. She does counselor lunch bunches. Her teachers work with her in the time they have. She is in Girl Scouts. She takes piano and loves drama. We cultivate pop culture interests despite my thinking it is pathetic, but I hope that stuff like having a DS and a Wii, listening to Taylor Swift and watching drivel like The Suite Life will give her things in common with other girls. We have started trying medication so now we add a psychiatrist to the mix.

And no, it isn't us as parents, because her younger sibling is not like this. Her sister is popular and makes friends easily, which really only makes the self esteem issues so much harder for her older sister. You have NO IDEA what it is like to have the kid that others don't like. Who feels different and excluded. She IS different and quirky. She's also smart, loving and funny. In her base school there was NO ONE like her. NO ONE. In the center, she has friends and teachers who get her to some extent. It's not perfect, but it's a vast improvement.

Until you've walked a mile in my shoes and lived the life of a parent of a kid with special needs, just keep it to yourself.

Um, I have walked in your shoes as a parent, and I said each poster knows her own child best, which means YMMV. However, my point still stands. I see lots of parents who are very quick to claim that their children will be utterly adrift if they have to deal with the "regular" kids. And my point is that they have to learn to do that eventually since life is not one big Level 4/AAP program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She IS different and quirky. She's also smart, loving and funny. In her base school there was NO ONE like her. NO ONE. In the center, she has friends and teachers who get her to some extent. It's not perfect, but it's a vast improvement.

I wish you lived near me, as I have a daughter much like yours. And, as you said, it's a vast improvement in the center compared to the base school.

[Anonymous]

PP here who said I was focusing on the best for my child in the present: I am absolutely not talking about elite summer camps. I am talking about what is enriching for my child and my family, and that is lots of exposure to nature, outdoor time, physical activity, art and music, unstructured play time, and space and time for reading. So I would move my child to a private school to get those things but expect to spend the summers mostly unstructured (in the absence of my child clamoring to be enrolled in something they love to do).

To the PPs claiming that gifted kids just need more social skills work: they have perfectly fine (often great) social skills with their peers, who are not their age peers. We wouldn't (and don't on this board) tell the people whose 6 year olds don't play well with 4 year olds that they need to work on their social skills. We tell them it's totally developmentally appropriate and to not force them to spend all their play time with a younger child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the 11:29 poster from the previous page. Seriously? You have NO IDEA what I go through as a parent every.single.freaking.day trying to help my child with her social struggles.

She's had umpteen evaluations. She's been in therapy off and on for years to help her cope with the anxiety and self esteem issues from this. She's done a formal, private social skills group at $$$$ that insurance did NOT cover. She is in a social skills group at school. She does counselor lunch bunches. Her teachers work with her in the time they have. She is in Girl Scouts. She takes piano and loves drama. We cultivate pop culture interests despite my thinking it is pathetic, but I hope that stuff like having a DS and a Wii, listening to Taylor Swift and watching drivel like The Suite Life will give her things in common with other girls. We have started trying medication so now we add a psychiatrist to the mix.

And no, it isn't us as parents, because her younger sibling is not like this. Her sister is popular and makes friends easily, which really only makes the self esteem issues so much harder for her older sister. You have NO IDEA what it is like to have the kid that others don't like. Who feels different and excluded. She IS different and quirky. She's also smart, loving and funny. In her base school there was NO ONE like her. NO ONE. In the center, she has friends and teachers who get her to some extent. It's not perfect, but it's a vast improvement.

Until you've walked a mile in my shoes and lived the life of a parent of a kid with special needs, just keep it to yourself.

Um, I have walked in your shoes as a parent, and I said each poster knows her own child best, which means YMMV. However, my point still stands. I see lots of parents who are very quick to claim that their children will be utterly adrift if they have to deal with the "regular" kids. And my point is that they have to learn to do that eventually since life is not one big Level 4/AAP program.

Yes, and they will also have to get a job and their own apartment and learn to drive a car, but we don't expect them to do that at age 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She IS different and quirky. She's also smart, loving and funny. In her base school there was NO ONE like her. NO ONE. In the center, she has friends and teachers who get her to some extent. It's not perfect, but it's a vast improvement.

I wish you lived near me, as I have a daughter much like yours. And, as you said, it's a vast improvement in the center compared to the base school.

I agree with the last poster!! My daughter is the same!!