Multiracial in America

[Anonymous]

My DH is Korean, and I am white, and we have two children. I can not think of a single time anyone has said something directly to us. We have lived in various areas, and in a really white European country. I can't think of a time when I was given a funny look, or someone made a comment about us. Certainly no one has ever said anything, but good, about our children.

I did ride the metro one night with a friend of a friend. What a difference it made sitting with a black man. We got all sorts of comments and stares, and I realized how it is still very taboo for a white woman, and a black man to be together. I never had given it much thought before. All of my friends are in interracial marriages, and most of them are black/white. That metro ride made me see their dynamic in a new way.

I did have an online baby announcement when my DD was born. There were white supremacists that left nasty comments about how I was exterminating my own race, and white man would never want anything to do with me, ever again. Oh well, I don't want to get married ever again, anyway.

[Anonymous]

I'm caucasian, my husband is Filipino-we have a son. I've yet to notice a stare, but my husband has. We once went to dinner with a much older couple on the eastern shore, where we have a second home, and they would hardly look, let alone talk, to my husband during the entire dinner. He wasn't bothered-he's tough skinnned-but it bothered me and I was pregnant at the time. My grandfather, who I loved and adored, was a bigot-he had a name for every nationality. I'm sure he wouldn't approve of my marriage if he were still alive.

Our elementary school is 97% white. What kind of message is that sending to our child? Our son will not be attending that school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of 2 white-as-can-be young children, what can I do to make children of all hues feel confident? Obviously, I do the basic things like explain to my children that people come in all colors, but what else?

I'm the OP. I think this is a very good question. One of the things I learned as a child that stayed with me was from my 2nd grade teacher. She said to be open-minded. Though I did not understand all the connotations of what that meant at age 7, it stayed with me like a seed and blossomed with time as my knowledge grew of the world around me .

One of the things that chips away at the confidence of children of color are hearing the rude/racist remarks and dealing with the mean stares/glares. Parents can teach their children to be open-minded. In a human mosaic country like the US, being American does not mean being white. Teach your children to be INclusive, rather than EXclusive during school, play, extracurricular activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Teach your children to be INclusive, rather than EXclusive during school, play, extracurricular activities.

And the best way to do that is by example. This can be the hard part when people tend to self-segregate, even if they do so with no ill will. We are a bi-racial family but live in a predominantly white neighborhood and have predominantly white friends. This worries me a little. We need to be putting ourselves into situations that will expand our social circle in an organic but more diverse way. Any ideas? We are in Chevy Chase but I've noticed even the crunchy mom's groups from Takoma Park and Silver Spring that I have started to participate in are 100% white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Teach your children to be INclusive, rather than EXclusive during school, play, extracurricular activities.

And the best way to do that is by example. This can be the hard part when people tend to self-segregate, even if they do so with no ill will. We are a bi-racial family but live in a predominantly white neighborhood and have predominantly white friends. This worries me a little. We need to be putting ourselves into situations that will expand our social circle in an organic but more diverse way. Any ideas? We are in Chevy Chase but I've noticed even the crunchy mom's groups from Takoma Park and Silver Spring that I have started to participate in are 100% white.

My first question to you is how did you meet these moms in the first place? Work? Church? College? If you aren't meeting people outside your current circle, it's also fun and educational to attend the various multicultural festivals in the DC area with kids. One that comes to mind is the Asian Festival in Reston in September, but I'm pretty sure there are more in the area. I just can't remember them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Teach your children to be INclusive, rather than EXclusive during school, play, extracurricular activities.

And the best way to do that is by example. This can be the hard part when people tend to self-segregate, even if they do so with no ill will. We are a bi-racial family but live in a predominantly white neighborhood and have predominantly white friends. This worries me a little. We need to be putting ourselves into situations that will expand our social circle in an organic but more diverse way. Any ideas? We are in Chevy Chase but I've noticed even the crunchy mom's groups from Takoma Park and Silver Spring that I have started to participate in are 100% white.

My first question to you is how did you meet these moms in the first place? Work? Church? College? If you aren't meeting people outside your current circle, it's also fun and educational to attend the various multicultural festivals in the DC area with kids. One that comes to mind is the Asian Festival in Reston in September, but I'm pretty sure there are more in the area. I just can't remember them.

That is a really great idea. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Teach your children to be INclusive, rather than EXclusive during school, play, extracurricular activities.

And the best way to do that is by example. This can be the hard part when people tend to self-segregate, even if they do so with no ill will. We are a bi-racial family but live in a predominantly white neighborhood and have predominantly white friends. This worries me a little. We need to be putting ourselves into situations that will expand our social circle in an organic but more diverse way. Any ideas? We are in Chevy Chase but I've noticed even the crunchy mom's groups from Takoma Park and Silver Spring that I have started to participate in are 100% white.

My first question to you is how did you meet these moms in the first place? Work? Church? College? If you aren't meeting people outside your current circle, it's also fun and educational to attend the various multicultural festivals in the DC area with kids. One that comes to mind is the Asian Festival in Reston in September, but I'm pretty sure there are more in the area. I just can't remember them.

I actually met several of my friends on Babycenter. Sounds odd, I know, but we have been friends for years now. We met on Inter-racial families, and when I moved here, I already had some built in friends.

[Anonymous]

Babycenter? Interesting idea actually. Didn't know they had a multiracial families forum. My crunchy Takoma Park/Silver Spring circles were via on-line communities but just not diverse at all. Moms at My Gym classes -- also totally homogenous. My college circle was very very diverse, but we're scattered all over the country now and don't keep in touch nearly so well. We are not church-goers, so that's not going to be a place where we develop a social network. Work presents the same problems as neighborhood -- a bit on the segregated side. (And honestly, I am just not so inclined to bleed even more of my work life into my family time beyond being tethered to the blackberry, etc!!) It's difficult as adults isn't it? College was so very easy by comparison -- one of the reasons I want to look for a diverse school setting for our son. Perhaps once he's in school our social lives will expand to include parents of his friends. We'll definitely include the festivals in our efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anyone interested in a multi-racial DCUM forum? I know. Some people think there are too many forums already. But looks like people are having trouble connecting even though DC Metro is pretty diverse.

Like the Gay/Lesbian and Single-Mom forums, it might help tie together the threads are relevant to life in DC area. Especially for new-to-area folks. Like finding schools. Trolling through the various forums with random search terms like "diversity" took me FOREVER. It would really have been helpful to get frank, anonymous feedback quickly.

Personally I feel like many of our issues are not just about "parenting" and are sensitive enough that anonymous posts may be appropriate.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I am all for it.

Be warned though, I know through babycenter, racial groups do get targeted with hateful posts.

[Anonymous]

I would be interested also.

[Anonymous]

I am also part of an interracial couple (white/Asian) and have a biracial baby. I have suprisingly faced no issues or hostility and know quite a few "mixed" couples and families. I feel so thankful that I live in the DC area. I am, however, concerned that the issues will become more complex when my daughter gets older and potentially struggles with her identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also part of an interracial couple (white/Asian) and have a biracial baby. I have suprisingly faced no issues or hostility and know quite a few "mixed" couples and families. I feel so thankful that I live in the DC area. I am, however, concerned that the issues will become more complex when my daughter gets older and potentially struggles with her identity.

I am like you. I'm more concerned with the later years as my daughter develops.

[Anonymous]

I consider my marriage to be "bi-cultural" rather than "bi-racial". My husband and I are technically of the same ethnicity (caucasian), but I'm a euro-american mutt, and he's from the Caucus mountain region-- his appearance and his mother tongue have more in common with Arabic. Our daughter is an exact mix-- a paler version of him, a darker version of me-- so neither of us has encountered any ignorant remarks about her parentage.

I don't feel as if we have any problem with the outside world *as parents*. Of course my husband runs in to all kinds of bigotry for looking like an Arab, but that's been the case since he left the Middle East. It's nothing to do with him as a father. Our problems are more the clashes of our own two cultures. I don't speak his native language, though I'm trying to learn. His music raises my blood pressure. I don't want a giant gold-and-crystal chandelier or embroidered floor cushions, though he thinks such things are the pinnacle of interior design... that sort of conflict.

So where does that leave us? Is my kid bi-racial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...being American does not mean being white....

once Sen Obama gets that landslide win in Nov, there won't be any doubt of the truthfulness that statement