is sleeping in bed with son wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad to hear that so many people play musical beds. I thought it was just us.

I will sometimes make a middle-of-the-night move into the guest room when my husband's snoring or sleep apnea kicks in. The only time I sleep with my 4 year old son is if he has a nightmare or is sick and wants me to lie down with him for a few minutes. When that happends in the middle of the night, I'm usually just too tired to move -- or if he's sick, I just feel better being close to him.

People who think this is weird or sexual have their minds in the gutter.

I think it is unfair to assume that because someone offers their oponion that it's strange to assume it's because they must think it's sexual, it seems like other posters went right to the gutter. The poster who said it was strange could be of the opinion that a five year old should be sleeping in their own bed. Alot of people feel that way like me. And sleeping on their own.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I think that if you have a five-year-old who is happily sleeping in his own bed, a parent shouldn't interrupt his routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad to hear that so many people play musical beds. I thought it was just us.

I will sometimes make a middle-of-the-night move into the guest room when my husband's snoring or sleep apnea kicks in. The only time I sleep with my 4 year old son is if he has a nightmare or is sick and wants me to lie down with him for a few minutes. When that happends in the middle of the night, I'm usually just too tired to move -- or if he's sick, I just feel better being close to him.

People who think this is weird or sexual have their minds in the gutter.

I think it is unfair to assume that because someone offers their oponion that it's strange to assume it's because they must think it's sexual, it seems like other posters went right to the gutter. The poster who said it was strange could be of the opinion that a five year old should be sleeping in their own bed. Alot of people feel that way like me. And sleeping on their own.

I don't think the adjective "strange" with no explanation is how you would describe your feelings if they stemmed merely from your philosophy that 5 year olds should be independent sleepers. "Strange," without more, was chosen for a reason and I think that poster was trying to imply something sinister.

[Anonymous]

Years ago I babysat a boy from the time he was three to age seven. I used to bathe him until eventually he didn't want me in there anymore and wanted to do it himself. So basically it was appropriate for me to give him a bath until he felt uncomfortable with it and set a boundary. It just happened naturally. I realize that co-sleeping is a very different issue but I agree that it's absolutely fine as long as your son is comfortable with it. I don't find it weird or "sexual" as long as physical and emotional boundaries are maintained.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I agree with PP 20:47. It's a pretty far stretch to assume that the word "strange" means "should be sleeping independently."

[Anonymous]

Not Strange!!!

I have several friends who will fall asleep in their children's bed. Growing up, when my mom and dad divorced, my brother slept in mom's bed. He was just over a year when my dad left-and I'm sure it gave my mom some comfort. When my son is fast asleep, and I check on him, I just want to crawl in his crib with him and hold him. Your baby is only 5.

[Anonymous]

I will say that if it were a man getting into bed with his daughter, especially b/c sleeping with mother is not comfortable, we would probably take more issue with it.
OP, if you can get a futon or a mattress to pull out it may be better. It is one thing for your son to come to your bed that you share with your husband, and another thing to go to his bed.
It is not the act of sleeping together, it is the way that you describe it.

[Anonymous]

Some people have some serious hang-ups.

[Anonymous]

My children sometimes come into our bed, but I would never go into their beds unless they asked me. I especially wouldn't do it for my own convenience.

If he's happily sleeping independently, I wouldn't do anything to mess with that. Sleeping in your own bed is an important milestone and builds confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not Strange!!!

I have several friends who will fall asleep in their children's bed. Growing up, when my mom and dad divorced, my brother slept in mom's bed. He was just over a year when my dad left-and I'm sure it gave my mom some comfort. When my son is fast asleep, and I check on him, I just want to crawl in his crib with him and hold him. Your baby is only 5.

There is a big difference between a one-year-old and a five-year-old. And respectfully, a five-year-old is in kindergarten - hardly a "baby".

I don't think there's anything "strange" in terms of anything sexual, but I do think that children who have established independent sleeping routines should be left alone to enjoy them. There is plenty of time during the day and evening for cuddles and hugs - unless the child asks YOU for more, including co-sleeping. But just jumping into your child's independent bed for your OWN needs (aka: husband's snoring!) doesn't seem ideal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not Strange!!!

I have several friends who will fall asleep in their children's bed. Growing up, when my mom and dad divorced, my brother slept in mom's bed. He was just over a year when my dad left-and I'm sure it gave my mom some comfort. When my son is fast asleep, and I check on him, I just want to crawl in his crib with him and hold him. Your baby is only 5.

There is a big difference between a one-year-old and a five-year-old. And respectfully, a five-year-old is in kindergarten - hardly a "baby".

I don't think there's anything "strange" in terms of anything sexual, but I do think that children who have established independent sleeping routines should be left alone to enjoy them. There is plenty of time during the day and evening for cuddles and hugs - unless the child asks YOU for more, including co-sleeping. But just jumping into your child's independent bed for your OWN needs (aka: husband's snoring!) doesn't seem ideal to me.

I agree absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not Strange!!!

I have several friends who will fall asleep in their children's bed. Growing up, when my mom and dad divorced, my brother slept in mom's bed. He was just over a year when my dad left-and I'm sure it gave my mom some comfort. When my son is fast asleep, and I check on him, I just want to crawl in his crib with him and hold him. Your baby is only 5.

There is a big difference between a one-year-old and a five-year-old. And respectfully, a five-year-old is in kindergarten - hardly a "baby".

I don't think there's anything "strange" in terms of anything sexual, but I do think that children who have established independent sleeping routines should be left alone to enjoy them. There is plenty of time during the day and evening for cuddles and hugs - unless the child asks YOU for more, including co-sleeping. But just jumping into your child's independent bed for your OWN needs (aka: husband's snoring!) doesn't seem ideal to me.

I agree too. Nothing strange but I think it's ok if your son comes into your bed for comfort (or you sleep in his room if he's sick) but doesn't sound like a good idea to regularly go into his bed because of your husband snoring. Should figure out a better long term solution.

I agree absolutely

[Anonymous]

Also, it can seem as if there is a problem with daddy, so the son is a substitute. Again OP, it is the process. Kids should never "solve" parent's problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, it can seem as if there is a problem with daddy, so the son is a substitute. Again OP, it is the process. Kids should never "solve" parent's problems.

Great point. It is not the message you want to send your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, it can seem as if there is a problem with daddy, so the son is a substitute. Again OP, it is the process. Kids should never "solve" parent's problems.

ITA with this.

That said, "musical beds" is waaaaaaaay more common than many people will admit.

Before I became a parent, I would have red-flagged this as a major boundary issue. But, now... let's just say being a parent makes one more humble with judgements