This is jerky behavior, right?

[Anonymous]

It is a shame that DCUM has expanded out into the not-urban hinterlands so rapidly because we seem to have picked up a ton of Top Ten Ways To Please Your Man!! dipshits with a computer. They also want to ask everyone what we think of the name Maddie Grace. Please, please go back to Indiana Momz and leave us alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would it take 3 hours?? Find a closer salon, pump a bottle and go enjoy the pampering! It will make your DH feel like you are still trying to look good for him (like it or not, this is important. And he's probably feeling chilly on the back burner since the baby), and it will make YOU feel better too. Not jerky, just human (male) nature. But if you really don't want to, you do get a pass for the next couple of weeks on your appearance.

As a man, I resent this comment. What bullshit. Yes, it is jerky behavior (and frankly, it would be even if you didn't have a new baby). I hate it when bad behavior is excused with, "Well, men are just like that (lazy/unmotivated/insensitive/jerky/whatever)." No, we're not all like that. It may make you feel better to believe that we are, so you don't have to confront the reality that your husband/boyfriend is acting like a jerk, but you're just making excuses for him and rationalizing it to yourself.

I'm not the PP you quoted, but I agreed with her a 100%. HOWEVER, I wish I knew guys LIKE YOU! Seriously. Maybe I'm attracted to the wrong type or have no self esteem or both, but I have always dated guys who are like OP's husband. So what you're telling me is that men aren't necessarily like that. This is great news! (of course I'm being a little facetious, but I'm also paying you a huge compliment).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a shame that DCUM has expanded out into the not-urban hinterlands so rapidly because we seem to have picked up a ton of Top Ten Ways To Please Your Man!! dipshits with a computer. They also want to ask everyone what we think of the name Maddie Grace. Please, please go back to Indiana Momz and leave us alone.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Gray roots are pretty ugly. Would you say something if he had an outcropping of nostril hair that he did not trim? Or if his fingernails grew long and really crooked like that man's in the Guinness Book of World Records? Or if his hair got really long and shaggy?

I'm not saying that he approached this well. A more sensitive man would have arranged the hair appointment, gotten you a gift certificate that also included manicure, pedicure, facial, etc. and taken care of either the sitter or insisted on taking the kids at that time.

He loves you and wants his friends to see why (men are more visual creatures). And yes, it is more than "hair-root" deep, but he wants to show them that even after just having the third baby, you are still hot. You may have some post-partum issues and not feel that way, but I do think you would feel better if you could go along with this. He is not trying to hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line: there are women who don't mind these types of high-maintenance jackass variety men. In fact, they like them. And there are some who simply don't want to put up with them.
I guess it's obvious I'm in the latter category.

I've dated guys who were the whiny, metrosexual type who noticed what shoes I wore, or if there was too much rosemary in the pizza sauce and I couldn't STAND it. My BFF is married to one. He tells her to get a pedicure if they are going out with their friends.

I'm happy with my husband who scarfs down anything I make. It's food. And doesn't care what I care as long as I take it off. I like those guys.

So what I'm wondering is, has the OPs DH always been a persnickety F*** or is this a new development. If you married him like this, he'll never change. He won't give you a break b/c you just popped out a kid. Some men are like that.

I'm the "Why would it take 3 hours??" poster that everyone is getting up in arms over. I have to agree with pp. It's just a difference in personality type, I suppose. No, my DH is not as extreme as PP's example, but he is more high maintenance. He takes care of himself, I take care of myself, we always try to keep the house and yard presentable, keep our cars clean, etc. I'm guilty of making DH shave when we go out to dinner on the weekend and he would otherwise not shave, and he'll voice his opinion as to whether he likes my outfit. I would rather be in this sort of relationship than one where neither of us cares what the other does with oneself (or worse, cares but doesn't voice it ever). To each his own.

And to the male pp: good to know there are men like you out there. Sorry for the generalization.

[Anonymous]

A BF newborn can't be left for long, at that age sometimes there is only 30 min or so between feedings. OP is he offering to take care of the 3 kids while you hit a salon? If you get a break shouldn't you be able to choose what you do rather than have him add obligations about pretty superficial stuff?

OP, I thought that it wasn't recommended to use dark hair dyes while pregnant or BFing? That's what my OB told me a couple of years ago. I wouldn't do it with a baby that age for that reason alone. There were studies linking dark hair dye to cancer.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell my husband where to shove it if he said anything remotely like that to me, especially at that stage of life.

Jerky doesn't begin to describe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would it take 3 hours?? Find a closer salon, pump a bottle and go enjoy the pampering! It will make your DH feel like you are still trying to look good for him (like it or not, this is important. And he's probably feeling chilly on the back burner since the baby), and it will make YOU feel better too. Not jerky, just human (male) nature. But if you really don't want to, you do get a pass for the next couple of weeks on your appearance.

As a man, I resent this comment. What bullshit. Yes, it is jerky behavior (and frankly, it would be even if you didn't have a new baby). I hate it when bad behavior is excused with, "Well, men are just like that (lazy/unmotivated/insensitive/jerky/whatever)." No, we're not all like that. It may make you feel better to believe that we are, so you don't have to confront the reality that your husband/boyfriend is acting like a jerk, but you're just making excuses for him and rationalizing it to yourself.

Standing up clapping. And in response to other posters, I am lucky enough to know men like this. I married one. Had I not met one I would have just stayed single. Because having a husband "bitching" about gray roots because you "represent him"?! YUCK.

[Anonymous]

"he wants to show them that even after just having the third baby, you are still hot. "

Incredibly shallow.even.for.DCUM.

What happens when OP is no longer hot.at.any.speed?

[Anonymous]

PP - you miss the point. If he loves her, she will still be hot to him, even at 93, in whatever hot means to 93-year olds. It is not shallow that he still thinks she is hot. You want that in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Dear Jeff,

Please stop FBFNTFTM from posting these things, then posting a reply from her screenname, and then peppering the commentary with replies. The mental illness theater she is putting on for everyone is really tedious.

Rest of us: stop falling for it! Can you seriously not recognize the pattern by now? I can handpick the posts that are hers. Serious rabble rousing.

FBFNFTM, perhaps another hobby is in order?

[Anonymous]

I go with jerky - or at least so superficial that I wouldn't be able to live in the same house as him. You have a four-week old infant. Who cares what you look like? I really doubt friends care at all.

Of course you have roots. Most people don't die their hair while pregnant. You were suppose to trade-in the health of your baby for looking good? I would have never left my 4-week old to go do something as superficial as getting my hair done. If you wanted to do it, it would be one thing. But its crazy that your husband is telling you to. Does he also monitor your diet to make sure you are losing your pregnancy weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP - you miss the point. If he loves her, she will still be hot to him, even at 93, in whatever hot means to 93-year olds. It is not shallow that he still thinks she is hot. You want that in a marriage.

There is no evidence that OP's DH loves her.

[Anonymous]

God help OP's children when they are less than perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Jeff,

Please stop FBFNTFTM from posting these things, then posting a reply from her screenname, and then peppering the commentary with replies. The mental illness theater she is putting on for everyone is really tedious.

Rest of us: stop falling for it! Can you seriously not recognize the pattern by now? I can handpick the posts that are hers. Serious rabble rousing.

FBFNFTM, perhaps another hobby is in order?

I'm not sure FBFNFTM is the problem. The one post here with her name on it actually seems like well-meant advice, even if she didn't bother to use many paragraphs to explain her advice.

10:48 is the problem. This is definitely jerky behavior, and it seems to be popping up all over the place on DCUM. Possibly it's the same person as FBFNFTM, but I see no way to tell this. I'd be happy to see this poster banned.