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This is jerky behavior, right?
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Anonymous
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I'm a SAHM, #3 will be 4 weeks old tomorrow and so far is EBF.
The last two days DH has been bitching on and on about my grey roots--wants me to get my hair colored before we go away for a couple of days with some friends over thanksgiving weekend. Friends who we see all the time at home because our kids all are involved in the same activities, we go to the same church, etc. I'm sure they don't give a shit if I have roots 4 weeks post partum. It was a lot worse early in my pregnancy. But you know, that half inch of grey is so embarrassing for my husband because I "represent" him. And because the other women in our neighborhood (who don't have infants and toddlers) take care of themselves, whatever that means. I'm fine with my hair right now; I'd rather stay home and take a nap than waste 3 hours in the salon at this point. |
Anonymous
| Yes, jerky behavior! What's wrong with him? Tell him to go dye his roots or grow a pair! |
Anonymous
| Is this new, or has he always been like this? It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. |
Anonymous
| Why would it take 3 hours?? Find a closer salon, pump a bottle and go enjoy the pampering! It will make your DH feel like you are still trying to look good for him (like it or not, this is important. And he's probably feeling chilly on the back burner since the baby), and it will make YOU feel better too. Not jerky, just human (male) nature. But if you really don't want to, you do get a pass for the next couple of weeks on your appearance. |
Anonymous
| Wow. Sounds really controlling. Seriously, I know this is only one insight into your relationship and he's probably sleep deprived as well, but I would really consider counseling... |
Anonymous
Um, no. No no no no no no no. Jerky is by far the most mild term for said behaviour. OP's husband is being an a-hole, and you, PP, need a little self-esteem. |
Anonymous
Are you a guy? You are, I can tell. Or a Cosmo woman. How is it "not jerky" to tell your wife with a brand new baby and 2 other kids that she's not as hot as the neighbor women? Whether it would take her 20 minutes or 6 hours at the salon is completely beside the point. He's being a dick. You know comments about that "jiggly ass" that's used be tighter and not quite like "Brad's wife, Amy, in the green house" is not long in coming. |
Anonymous
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DH is the greatest man alive, seriously. He helps with the kids, he tells me often how pretty I look, he holds the door for me but he'll point out if I need to get my mustache waxed. There's nothing jerky about it.
And it doesn't take 3 hours to get your roots fixed. Maybe it will even help you feel better about yourself. I did mine all alone in 45 minutes after I put the children to bed. There's no magic trick. Just get it done! |
Anonymous
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To quote you, "bitching on and on" sounds like childish, insensitive behavior. Get your roots done if you want, but I don't think your husband's method and tone of communication regarding your looks should go unaddressed.
No, no, no. If I adopted this way of talking with my husband, you can be assured he'd tell me to back way the hell off, and he'd remind me to mind my manners. I'd do the same to him. |
Anonymous
| Actually I don't think this is so bad. If you have a half inch of grey, it probably does not look good. At all, especially if you have dark hair. You could do this even on your own if you wanted a quick fix or very quickly at a salon. It would make a world of difference and you would feel better about yourself too. I would honestly want my husband to tell me about this! |
Anonymous
| The point is not how easy/hard it would be for OP to color her hair. OP is not asking for hair advice. The point is that her husband is being insensitive in the way he is nagging her to do it, four weeks postpartum, with three kids to take care of. I can't imagine what he thinks her priorities are right now. Just being able to get it together for a weekend away at this point must be a Herculean feat. My hat is off to you, OP. |
Anonymous
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How could you reproduce with this jackass?
Clean up in the divorce. |
Anonymous
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OP,
What else is going on? Why don't you want to get roots for yourself? You sound super hostile. I've had a baby, too, a C-section, but I didn't let myself go. He has to look at you! Do you want him looking at you all Thanksgiving feeling rebuffed because he wants his wife to be attractive and she outright refused to do something he wanted? That's not a good marriage. It takes two .. We're not talking a few gray hairs. You have an inch of roots and want to wait? I could see if you were nesting over Thanksgiving weekend, but you're socializing. Sorry but I think you are being stubborn and insensitive to him. |
Anonymous
As a man, I resent this comment. What bullshit. Yes, it is jerky behavior (and frankly, it would be even if you didn't have a new baby). I hate it when bad behavior is excused with, "Well, men are just like that (lazy/unmotivated/insensitive/jerky/whatever)." No, we're not all like that. It may make you feel better to believe that we are, so you don't have to confront the reality that your husband/boyfriend is acting like a jerk, but you're just making excuses for him and rationalizing it to yourself. |
Anonymous
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Bottom line: there are women who don't mind these types of high-maintenance jackass variety men. In fact, they like them. And there are some who simply don't want to put up with them.
I guess it's obvious I'm in the latter category. I've dated guys who were the whiny, metrosexual type who noticed what shoes I wore, or if there was too much rosemary in the pizza sauce and I couldn't STAND it. My BFF is married to one. He tells her to get a pedicure if they are going out with their friends. I'm happy with my husband who scarfs down anything I make. It's food. And doesn't care what I care as long as I take it off. I like those guys. So what I'm wondering is, has the OPs DH always been a persnickety F*** or is this a new development. If you married him like this, he'll never change. He won't give you a break b/c you just popped out a kid. Some men are like that. |