Would you discourage or encourage college selection based on teen wanting to be close in location to sibling?
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Anonymous
| I view it similar to this. My parents sold the house where I had lived for 18 years, moving to a new state as I was graduating HS. Big changes were going on in our family. I wanted to be a part of the big changes going on. I could have gone to college anywhere, geographically. The college I chose was in their new state. It was 3 hours away from them, so not so close, but it felt close enough to be sharing in the family's new adventure. |
Anonymous
This is so limiting and narrow-minded. It should be about what they want. Let them spread their wings. |
Anonymous
| I would concentrate on schools that you both think are a good fit - regardless of geography. Then, I would brain storm some ways to foster the relationship if she is close by or if she is far away. Are you willing to visit? To facetime? To write letters? |
Anonymous
| Stay neutral and supportive. Let her choose. |
Anonymous
| She should concentrate on college and spreading her wings, not a baby sibling. Discourage. |
Anonymous
Not necessarily true. My mom’s sister was close to 20 years older than her and they were extremely close. She was a very close aunt to all of us and was very much our mother’s sister and our aunt. We always saw them as close sisters until she died, when my sibling and I were all adults. She was married when my mom was a little kid but that didn’t affect their closeness. |
Anonymous
| ^ I still don’t think that should be the only factor in picking a college. My mother went away to school and they always lived at least an hour or more apart. More during college years. Focus on finding a college that is a good fit. |
Anonymous
|
I wouldn’t push her either way — there are pros and cons to both options. If this is what makes her happy, I’d just let her be.
That said, I might step in if I felt she was torn — like if she liked a university that was far away but also wanted to stay close to home and ended up settling for one she didn’t really want. |
Anonymous
| Unless doing ED, best advice for every rising senior (and she's not even there yet) is apply widely. A large selection. She should have choices. Seniors can change so much. By April she may want something very different than now. End of senior year, now, that's very very far away. You would do her a disservice by mentioning to others (other than us on DCUM) what she wants, now, what she has told you she wants. |
Anonymous
| My only worry would be if she is saying this because she is concerned she will feel left out of your "new" family/family dynamic. Do your DDs have the same father? |
Anonymous
| Most schools will teach the same stuff. Plenty of great schools everywhere. So proximity to family is as good a criteria as any. |
Anonymous
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There are many pros and cons to consider a school, some weight more heavily than others. I see nothing wrong with prioritizing a school closer to home to be near family, assuming there are instate schools that meet the criteria she needs for her future.
My niece and nephew are twins. My niece chose her college fairly quickly. My nephew narrowed it down to three schools that he liked and ultimately chose the one that was close to where his sister was going. He would have been happy at any of them so the proximity to his sister was the deciding factor. |
Anonymous
| are they half-siblings? why are you having kids so far about. that's weird. |
Anonymous
| That's sweet, but I go with discourage. That's a huge age gap, they don't ever be close (or at least not for another 20 years). |
Anonymous
+1 My family is similar in terms of spread of ages. Neither encourage nor discourage. |