Would you discourage or encourage college selection based on teen wanting to be close in location to sibling?

[Anonymous]

DD’s baby sibling is due in a few months and will be 2 when she heads off to college. She has expressed that she will want to stay closer to home (in-state instead of out of state) to be close to the baby since they won’t grow up together.

Should a parent encourage or discourage this?

[Anonymous]

Discourage.

They won’t have a sibling bond no matter what. “Special aunt” is the best you can hope for.

[Anonymous]

Encourage, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Discourage

[Anonymous]

I want all my kids closer to home and preferably instate. So I would see no issue with it and see it as a good sign of family attachment. Only a weirdo would see this as bad.

[Anonymous]

If it's something the kid thinks is important, I'd be supportive, but I don't see a reason to encourage or discourage it really.

[Anonymous]

That's lovely. I would be proud my child cares so much about family.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a good sign. I'd keep the discussion ongoing and encourage applying to a range of schools and locations to find the best fit. Proximity to home should be one factor among many (location, academic opportunities, prestige, cost, course availability, school size, weather, post grad job possibilities, etc etc etc). Make sure you're clear that while you may the open to the idea, dd may change her mind about how often she wants to come home, even if she's close!, and that's totally fine.

[Anonymous]

As long as the teen isn't minimizing her college choices in order to be closer, I don't see a problem with it. FWIW, my H was 11 years older than his younger brother. When he went to college, younger brother was in K, and this was before cell phones and internet. They remained close and I think a lot of this was due to their parents (who were divorced) both encouraging calls and visits. No matter what was going on, my H always went home for younger brother's birthday. After college, younger brother would come stay with us for a weekend a couple of times a year. Both parents did what they could to support the brothers' relationship and I think that was a big factor on why they are still close even today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Discourage.

They won’t have a sibling bond no matter what. “Special aunt” is the best you can hope for.

Not true. My last two siblings were born when I was 13 & 16, and my brothers were even older. We all have sibling bonds.

But OP, I wouldn’t actively encourage nor discourage. Support what your kid wants to do (it’s also possible she wants to stay close anyway and the baby is her “excuse”).

[Anonymous]

This is two years away, so there's no need for her to decide now. Support her love for her sibling-to-be, and also help her to consider a range of colleges that will be best for her, near or far.

[Anonymous]

Encourage her to go to the school which will best set her up for career success in the long run (either in-state or out of state). She can then choose to find a career close to home after she graduates or maybe she will choose to relocate.

If she really wants to stay close to home I wouldn’t “disallow” it but I’d encourage going to the best school possible.

[Anonymous]

She may feel a whole lot differently once this baby is keeping her up all night. Don’t borrow trouble. You have two years to work this out.

[Anonymous]

This is incredibly sweet.

Are the instate options good?

[Anonymous]

She does not need to justify or explain a preference. That's all it is, a preference. She feels she'd like to not be too far away. Do not interfere. I would also be saying this if an important criteria of hers was to head further away.