San Diego vs NoVA (McLean, Vienna) for raising children?

[Anonymous]

Have you lived outside of San Diego/Southern California before? It is culture and weather shock if you haven’t. I’ve been here 20 years and still hibernate in the winter/don’t go outside in July/August if I can help it. The first few years I had to go on SSRIs to help with the seasonal depression I didn’t know I had until I moved somewhere with dreary winters. I’m sure to people who grew up with seasons that sounds pathetic, but it was my reality!

My experience is public schools, so maybe not apples to apples. It is definitely striver culture compared to SoCal. If you aren’t playing travel sports by age 9 or 10, you aren’t making the high school team. If you aren’t accelerated multiple years in math, you’re behind. The high schools stopped doing valedictorians because suicide rates were too high.

But it’s cheap comparatively. We can afford a house here more easily than in California. I am encouraging our kids to go to college back on the west coast though, so we may eat any savings.

[Anonymous]

NOVA has lots of pros- but Langley and McLean areas aren’t
very “family neighborhoody” if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I would stay in San Diego. People in California are less pretentious than in DC/NOVA .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you lived outside of San Diego/Southern California before? It is culture and weather shock if you haven’t. I’ve been here 20 years and still hibernate in the winter/don’t go outside in July/August if I can help it. The first few years I had to go on SSRIs to help with the seasonal depression I didn’t know I had until I moved somewhere with dreary winters. I’m sure to people who grew up with seasons that sounds pathetic, but it was my reality!

My experience is public schools, so maybe not apples to apples. It is definitely striver culture compared to SoCal. If you aren’t playing travel sports by age 9 or 10, you aren’t making the high school team. If you aren’t accelerated multiple years in math, you’re behind. The high schools stopped doing valedictorians because suicide rates were too high.

But it’s cheap comparatively. We can afford a house here more easily than in California. I am encouraging our kids to go to college back on the west coast though, so we may eat any savings.

It is absolutely not pathetic, and as the PP who said they preferred the SD lifestyle, in hindsight, getting a break from the seasonal depression I fight off every year was probably a huge part of why I preferred it. It is a real chemical thing that happens in your body and it does not mean you are anything negative, you just need a little sunshine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay in San Diego. People in California are less pretentious than in DC/NOVA .

This and you can't beat the SD weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you lived outside of San Diego/Southern California before? It is culture and weather shock if you haven’t. I’ve been here 20 years and still hibernate in the winter/don’t go outside in July/August if I can help it. The first few years I had to go on SSRIs to help with the seasonal depression I didn’t know I had until I moved somewhere with dreary winters. I’m sure to people who grew up with seasons that sounds pathetic, but it was my reality!

My experience is public schools, so maybe not apples to apples. It is definitely striver culture compared to SoCal. If you aren’t playing travel sports by age 9 or 10, you aren’t making the high school team. If you aren’t accelerated multiple years in math, you’re behind. The high schools stopped doing valedictorians because suicide rates were too high.

But it’s cheap comparatively. We can afford a house here more easily than in California. I am encouraging our kids to go to college back on the west coast though, so we may eat any savings.

+1. Everything you said. I have lived in SoCal And I have lived on the East Coast. Despite everything wrong with California, the sunshine brings abundant happiness.

[Anonymous]

It is absurdly competitive here - everything. I often joke that here in McLean people are excited when they get a "better" parking spot at Giant. Yes, that is sarcastic, but I am not from here and having lived here 20+ years it's that feeling that makes it challenging.

As people have mentioned, it is very transient. People are VERY stressed out, and I found over all the years it is very hard to even schedule a "spontaneous" dinner or get together. It is not uncommon to hear "Well, I'll let you know what our calendar looks like in 6 weeks." They aren't even being rude or brushing you off...it's just more of a formal feel here. We have lived in the same house for the whole time and we do know our neighbors, but you're not going to be invited on a random Saturday afternoon for a beer on the patio. One of the first things people ask you when they meet you is what you do...

I'm not sure why you would move to McLean (or Vienna) and then pay $45-60k/year for private schools. You'd choose to live in McLean to go to McLean or Langley High (and Longfellow MS, elementary schools, etc). You then get into the Private School culture. While FCPS has seen a decline in the past few years, the private school grind (from the admissions process and expectations of where your child will go to college) is real. Again....stress.

I can't compare to SD, but if you have a community there and like the lifestyle, I'd stay put. I am not saying it's all bad here, but all of the things I mentioned above just add to the stress/competitiveness/striving and it wears on you over time.

[Anonymous]

Smithsonian Museums are readily accessible from MetroRail. On weekends, lots of parking available at Vienna or Herndon-Monroe St. so very practical for folks in NOVA to visit free Smithsonian museums if they don't want to park in downtown DC.

Even National Zoo is accessible via MetroRail. It is walkable - a few blocks from Woodley Park MetroRail Red line and also a few blocks from the next Red line Metro station to the north.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOVA has lots of pros- but Langley and McLean areas aren’t
very “family neighborhoody” if that makes sense.

[OP] Thanks! Curious, what do you think makes Langley and McLean areas not so family friendly?

[Anonymous]

I lived in San Diego (north park and del cerro) for ten years.
I have been in Bethesda for 8.

I regret moving every day.
San Diego is superior on every attribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you lived outside of San Diego/Southern California before? It is culture and weather shock if you haven’t. I’ve been here 20 years and still hibernate in the winter/don’t go outside in July/August if I can help it. The first few years I had to go on SSRIs to help with the seasonal depression I didn’t know I had until I moved somewhere with dreary winters. I’m sure to people who grew up with seasons that sounds pathetic, but it was my reality!

My experience is public schools, so maybe not apples to apples. It is definitely striver culture compared to SoCal. If you aren’t playing travel sports by age 9 or 10, you aren’t making the high school team. If you aren’t accelerated multiple years in math, you’re behind. The high schools stopped doing valedictorians because suicide rates were too high.

But it’s cheap comparatively. We can afford a house here more easily than in California. I am encouraging our kids to go to college back on the west coast though, so we may eat any savings.

+1. Everything you said. I have lived in SoCal And I have lived on the East Coast. Despite everything wrong with California, the sunshine brings abundant happiness.

May gloom and June doom are real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay in San Diego. People in California are less pretentious than in DC/NOVA .

Spend some time with parents at Torrey Pines in La Jolla and tell me that again.

[Anonymous]

Denver has more sunny days than San Diego so everyone with seasonal disorders should move there.

[Anonymous]

We are from the east coast (New England) but lived in SD for almost a decade before kids. Kids were born in SD and we moved to NOVA when they were 3 and 5. As much as we loved living in SD when the kids were younger, I prefer raising my kids in NOVA as it more similar to my upbringing in NE. SD is too laid back The school in SD were not that great from what I recall people saying but we left before my kids started. Most native Californians don't seem to value education as much as east coasters do, but again my experience is over a decade old at this point. I would consider moving back once the kids re grown and flown and education isn't a concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are from the east coast (New England) but lived in SD for almost a decade before kids. Kids were born in SD and we moved to NOVA when they were 3 and 5. As much as we loved living in SD when the kids were younger, I prefer raising my kids in NOVA as it more similar to my upbringing in NE. SD is too laid back The school in SD were not that great from what I recall people saying but we left before my kids started. Most native Californians don't seem to value education as much as east coasters do, but again my experience is over a decade old at this point. I would consider moving back once the kids re grown and flown and education isn't a concern.

Thanks! In SD did your kids attend public or private school? Where in the SD area were you- SD or suburbs?