San Diego vs NoVA (McLean, Vienna) for raising children?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, new to DCUM. I’m wondering if anyone here has lived in Southern California (specifically San Diego or north county San Diego) and moved to northern Virginia (Vienna, McLean, and nearby areas). Which place is a better place to raise kids in your opinion? Child would be entering kindergarten and I can see pros and cons to both geographical locations.

San Diego: Pros- fantastic weather, sunny, friendly people, easy living. Feel like I can relax here. Cons: homeless population, wildfires, worse public education system (although we would only be looking at private schools in both geographic areas)

NoVA: Cons: more traffic, more congestion, worse weather. Pros: more educated population overall, more of a high achieving culture.

For those having lived in both places: do you feel that the overall higher achieving culture and educated people in NoVa make for a better place to raise children? We place a large emphasis on quality education but would want child to have a reasonably happy childhood.

Thanks much in advance!

[Anonymous]

So DH and I lived out the pandemic (pre-kids for us) in San Diego and always talk about moving back the second we can. Unfortunately, my husband's job is very much here (though he did try for California state lobbying jobs for quite a while) and since we just got DS into one of the top tier DC privates, we are here for the next 15 years...

I did work out on the playgrounds in San Diego a lot and the playground culture in DC is about the same (not quite sure for Nova, but can't imagine much difference) except DC kids come out in worse weather though thanks to the nice weather in San Diego, playground time is about the same.

Your pro's and cons lists are pretty on point. The only thing I would add is in DC there are a lot of free activities that I didn't see in San Diego. For instance the Smithsonians are free with regular festivals and weekend activities for the kids. They are super educational. Pretty much all the school systems are great, though you definitely want to do your research on them because we have a million different options and you want to make sure you end up in the school that is best for your kid/family (even for public school).

I think this area can definitely produce happy children, but can also be a pressure cooker if your child ends up in a school that doesn't match them. I think the most important thing is to not be afraid to revaluate your school choice as your kid grows and give them the opportunity to lean into their talents without feeling like they need to be the top math-lympian of the area. Keep the education fun (easy to do here) and the love of learning alive.

[Anonymous]

I am reporting this second hand, but a classmate of my kids had moved from SD to DC, partly because they felt the high number of retirees made the area less child friendly in terms of school quality, investment in culture etc. They were happy to find better schools and more enrichment (culture/sport/social) options here. This was prepandemic, but FWIW.

[Anonymous]

I am a San Diego native. I moved east to NoVA and do not look back. We picked a neighborhood with single family homes with a good set of school options and a reasonable commute to work. California is a nice place to visit, but (even with decline in FCPS) schools are better here, VA gov't services are similar, VA public university options are great, and VA taxes are lower overall.

If I were in San Diego County, I'd definitely pick north county (if my job commute allowed) over south county. Carlsbad maybe. The I-5 is brutal not just during commute hours but also on weekends.

[Anonymous]

If you are already living in sd, I’d say it depends if you have good community for your family. If you do, I would not move to dc/nova to start over socially, even though nova is nice. Dc/nova are much more transient, and it can be hard to build a village or deep friendships. Not impossible, but there are things stacked against it happening. Like if you have family on the west coast and friends where you are, I would not give that up to come to nova.

-pov is someone who lived in la for 6 yrs and still misses my old community/family there. Have made new friends and started a family in nova, and it’s fine but I made do bc I had to come out here for work. That said, the wildfires are real (though is sd at big risk?) so we are staying here instead of moving to Cali. We have a great church community here, and have been there for 15+ yrs, which has helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are already living in sd, I’d say it depends if you have good community for your family. If you do, I would not move to dc/nova to start over socially, even though nova is nice. Dc/nova are much more transient, and it can be hard to build a village or deep friendships. Not impossible, but there are things stacked against it happening. Like if you have family on the west coast and friends where you are, I would not give that up to come to nova.

-pov is someone who lived in la for 6 yrs and still misses my old community/family there. Have made new friends and started a family in nova, and it’s fine but I made do bc I had to come out here for work. That said, the wildfires are real (though is sd at big risk?) so we are staying here instead of moving to Cali. We have a great church community here, and have been there for 15+ yrs, which has helped a lot.

First Responding Poster back to piggy back off this one a bit to say having grown up here, I think because the area is so transient, there is a huge number of people who feel like they are the new one. The one not "in" the group. Not the one who "should" start the class group chat. Which can leave a lot of places without someone taking up that role. So if you are new and you feel like you don't have a group, don't be afraid to whip out your phone ask for a number and offer to start the kindergarten group chat. Most people are just waiting for someone else to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So DH and I lived out the pandemic (pre-kids for us) in San Diego and always talk about moving back the second we can. Unfortunately, my husband's job is very much here (though he did try for California state lobbying jobs for quite a while) and since we just got DS into one of the top tier DC privates, we are here for the next 15 years...

I did work out on the playgrounds in San Diego a lot and the playground culture in DC is about the same (not quite sure for Nova, but can't imagine much difference) except DC kids come out in worse weather though thanks to the nice weather in San Diego, playground time is about the same.

Your pro's and cons lists are pretty on point. The only thing I would add is in DC there are a lot of free activities that I didn't see in San Diego. For instance the Smithsonians are free with regular festivals and weekend activities for the kids. They are super educational. Pretty much all the school systems are great, though you definitely want to do your research on them because we have a million different options and you want to make sure you end up in the school that is best for your kid/family (even for public school).

I think this area can definitely produce happy children, but can also be a pressure cooker if your child ends up in a school that doesn't match them. I think the most important thing is to not be afraid to revaluate your school choice as your kid grows and give them the opportunity to lean into their talents without feeling like they need to be the top math-lympian of the area. Keep the education fun (easy to do here) and the love of learning alive.

OP here. Thanks, this was helpful! The free educational kids activities at the Smithsonians sound great, although I heard that getting to these museums from NoVa can be a bit of a pain with parking, traffic etc that most people don't go to the DC cultural attractions as much as they would like? (Curious if you see this actually happening.) What appeals to you more about the SD area over the DC/NoVA area? Do you feel like the kids at top tier DC privates are really cutthroat? Of course I know this may be dependent on many variables, just wondering if you have noticed any patterns.

[Anonymous]

One thing that I would add is that although I think there are more resources generally available in NoVA, it is much more competitive to access those resources than it feels in San Diego. For example, when signing up for summer camps in the DC area, my family would make sure to sign up in December/January prior to summer and would make sure to do so as soon as sign ups opened up. In contrast, in San Diego, I didn't have to sign up until March/April and there was no issue whatsoever in getting access to summer camps.

I know people knock the schools in California vs. Northern Virginia, but I think that you can find very similar school districts in San Diego (especially around North County as someone mentioned) to anything that you can find in Northern Virginia. My family and I moved between the areas and I once remarked to my spouse that the activities that we do in NoVA have ended up being the same as what we had available in San Diego.

If you expect your kids to be into sports, I suspect San Diego will have an edge over Virginia simply because the weather is better and so it's much more accessible. For example, one of my kids plays tennis here in NoVA and it's so difficult to find a good coach, unless you are already a good tennis player. I realize that there aren't many coaches because the coaches don't have easy access to tennis courts and so they can only work for 1/2 to 3/4 of the year. In contrast, in San Diego and Southern California more generally, courts are widely available and the better weather makes it possible for coaches to work year-round. Thus, we find when we visit during the summer, that tennis instruction is, on average, much better in Southern California. That said, we now have a coach in NoVA that we like and there are places like JTCC, which are excellent, but we find that everything here is catered to kids who are really committed. Beginner lessons around NoVA are uniformly awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DH and I lived out the pandemic (pre-kids for us) in San Diego and always talk about moving back the second we can. Unfortunately, my husband's job is very much here (though he did try for California state lobbying jobs for quite a while) and since we just got DS into one of the top tier DC privates, we are here for the next 15 years...

I did work out on the playgrounds in San Diego a lot and the playground culture in DC is about the same (not quite sure for Nova, but can't imagine much difference) except DC kids come out in worse weather though thanks to the nice weather in San Diego, playground time is about the same.

Your pro's and cons lists are pretty on point. The only thing I would add is in DC there are a lot of free activities that I didn't see in San Diego. For instance the Smithsonians are free with regular festivals and weekend activities for the kids. They are super educational. Pretty much all the school systems are great, though you definitely want to do your research on them because we have a million different options and you want to make sure you end up in the school that is best for your kid/family (even for public school).

I think this area can definitely produce happy children, but can also be a pressure cooker if your child ends up in a school that doesn't match them. I think the most important thing is to not be afraid to revaluate your school choice as your kid grows and give them the opportunity to lean into their talents without feeling like they need to be the top math-lympian of the area. Keep the education fun (easy to do here) and the love of learning alive.

OP here. Thanks, this was helpful! The free educational kids activities at the Smithsonians sound great, although I heard that getting to these museums from NoVa can be a bit of a pain with parking, traffic etc that most people don't go to the DC cultural attractions as much as they would like? (Curious if you see this actually happening.) What appeals to you more about the SD area over the DC/NoVA area? Do you feel like the kids at top tier DC privates are really cutthroat? Of course I know this may be dependent on many variables, just wondering if you have noticed any patterns.

So I love the SD weather and am a water sports girl so I would say it is definitely the lifestyle was a better personal fit. We took daily walks on the beach and to me that is hard to beat.

When it comes to the traffic/parking/car access from Nova, I'm from the other side (NW/MD) so I'm less perfect on it, but I do know that there are many new metro stops in NoVa, the lines that go to NoVa are also the ones that most of more tourist spots (except the zoo), and kids LOVE riding the train. So it is more of a NoVa car culture issue than a true access issue. Parking is also pretty easy if you know where the free parking is and if you can make a friend with residential status to give you a free parking pass that extends the time you can park to like up to 30 days. I suggest taking a day when the kids are in school and just driving around the areas you want to take them to and scope out the side streets with free parking.

Some kids at a lot of the top tier privates are really cut throat. You can find endless posts on different school cultures on here. Personally, I believe if you find a school that aligns with your family's values, the school will feel low pressure and natural to you. You have endless amounts of details on choice right on down to choosing schools that align with preferences on how to feed your children. Honestly, this forum may not be the best source of truth on everything, but it is great for brainstorming lists for what matters to you/your child in a school so that you can ask deeper questions when looking at the schools.

Here are a few culture threads to get an idea:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1314763.page
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1317255.page#31796197


And one wild ride thread on food offering culture at the different schools (just for fun):
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/165/1322505.page#32007660

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing that I would add is that although I think there are more resources generally available in NoVA, it is much more competitive to access those resources than it feels in San Diego. For example, when signing up for summer camps in the DC area, my family would make sure to sign up in December/January prior to summer and would make sure to do so as soon as sign ups opened up. In contrast, in San Diego, I didn't have to sign up until March/April and there was no issue whatsoever in getting access to summer camps.

I know people knock the schools in California vs. Northern Virginia, but I think that you can find very similar school districts in San Diego (especially around North County as someone mentioned) to anything that you can find in Northern Virginia. My family and I moved between the areas and I once remarked to my spouse that the activities that we do in NoVA have ended up being the same as what we had available in San Diego.

If you expect your kids to be into sports, I suspect San Diego will have an edge over Virginia simply because the weather is better and so it's much more accessible. For example, one of my kids plays tennis here in NoVA and it's so difficult to find a good coach, unless you are already a good tennis player. I realize that there aren't many coaches because the coaches don't have easy access to tennis courts and so they can only work for 1/2 to 3/4 of the year. In contrast, in San Diego and Southern California more generally, courts are widely available and the better weather makes it possible for coaches to work year-round. Thus, we find when we visit during the summer, that tennis instruction is, on average, much better in Southern California. That said, we now have a coach in NoVA that we like and there are places like JTCC, which are excellent, but we find that everything here is catered to kids who are really committed. Beginner lessons around NoVA are uniformly awful.

Thanks so much! How would you compare the quality of the private schools (if you have experience with them) in both north county SD vs NoVa? Are they on par or are the NoVa private schools better (in terms of quality of the teachers, resources etc)?

[Anonymous]

Having lived in both places (but I don’t have kids) the people in DC/NOVA are so much more educated and interesting. I found San Diegoans to be quite dull. They were very into the beach and the California laid back lifestyle, and that was about it. In DC there are so many interesting people who have done super interesting things in their lives. The city has a more global/international feel to it. That being said, I would kill for some San Diego fish tacos. Nothing comes close here in NOVA.

[Anonymous]

I have done both - Del Mar with little kids and now NOVA with HS kids.

I would only live in SD if I could walk or bike everywhere including schools, shops, Drs and the beach. That might only exist in Coronado.

NOVA wins for us bc of the state public university options and housing. We have a nice house in a walkable neighborhood close to dc with good public schools. Not gonna happen in SD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have done both - Del Mar with little kids and now NOVA with HS kids.

I would only live in SD if I could walk or bike everywhere including schools, shops, Drs and the beach. That might only exist in Coronado.

NOVA wins for us bc of the state public university options and housing. We have a nice house in a walkable neighborhood close to dc with good public schools. Not gonna happen in SD.

OP here. Thanks! Just curious- when you mentioned state public university options as a positive, are there advantages to the Virginia state public universities over the University of California system?

[Anonymous]

We've lived in both. Traffic was MUCH worse in San Diego. Cost of living was higher. Schools are worse in San Diego.

Weather here is fine. It's nice to have seasons and it's not so cold you can't be outside in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having lived in both places (but I don’t have kids) the people in DC/NOVA are so much more educated and interesting. I found San Diegoans to be quite dull. They were very into the beach and the California laid back lifestyle, and that was about it. In DC there are so many interesting people who have done super interesting things in their lives. The city has a more global/international feel to it. That being said, I would kill for some San Diego fish tacos. Nothing comes close here in NOVA.

This is a good point. We have family in San Diego and they and their friends are so superficial. They spend so much time comparing the cost of the home, car, clothes, vacation, etc. When they aren't talking about money, they are talking about their looks.