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Preschool and Daycare Discussion
Daycare Incident Report
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Anonymous
Let me give you another perspective, when my daughter was 5 months, one of the "bigger" kids at day care pushed her down and I got an incident report. I was so upset and it was on my mind for several days. I thought it would scar her for life. She was PUSHED! In daycare!!! I wanted to know who the kid was - I had an idea, but could quite figre it out (yes, I was also one of those psyco new DC metro moms). Flash forward...at 10 months, my child is now one of the larger kids at in the class and a few weeks ago I was stopped in the parking lot and told that my daughter tends to hog some of the toys and that she'd seen my child push her child out of the way to get to some toys. I was embarrassed, but then I laughed and told her that my kid had been pushed when she was smaller and that's how babies play. They can't contol their body parts yet... Your daycare is probably trying to protect the other mom - and I'm sure your son has moved on. |
Anonymous
They are not "intentionally" withholding information...you are being a little dramatic. They followed proper procedure and addressed the issue. Believe me...your little angel with hit, bite or scratch some kid in the future too, and frankly...it feels worse when your kid is the one who bites or hits from time to time. And it is not a significant issue in your son's life...it seems to be a significant issue in your life. |
Anonymous
| Yep, it is standard policy and there is only a short amount of time that these things occur and you don't find out who did it (because at some point your child will tell you). My daughter is two and BOY did she tell me when one of her little buddies bit her arm (daycare told me, too... but they didn't tell me who). She also told me how he cried, went to time out, that they hugged... |
Anonymous
SO TRUE!!! So horrifying when you're child is the one doing the hitting. |
Anonymous
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OP - the parents of the child who did the scratching also got an incident report. They know what their child did, but they also don't know to whom, although it is pretty obvious, I suppose.
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Anonymous
If this is DC, there's a Juvenile Offenders Anonymity law on the books. I think the city council is trying to amend it to allow the release of names after two incidents. 
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Anonymous
OP, they didn't withhold the important information, which is what happened TO HIM. Who did it, unless it was an adult, is irrelevant. That said, I understand your frustration. When these sorts of thing happened to my child (then a little older), I confess to asking her who did it, because of course I was curious. But honestly, having the name didn't make any difference. |
Anonymous
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OP-
It is aganist the law for providers to disclose the names of other children involved, as the "agressor" or victim. As you child gets older you can ask your child, and he/she can tell who who did it. The child who did the scratching should have also been written up to inform his/her parents of the situation. You child was not named in their report either. I work in child care and this is an everyday situation. If your child did the hitting/scratching/biting, would you want all the other parents to know it was your kids who hurt their baby?? |
Anonymous
This is very standard daycare practice. They're not witholding information from you - they told you what happened, they just left the other child's name out of it because as you said, he or she is a toddler with little to no impulse control. I think part of the reason, particularly when we're talking about toddlers, that daycares don't reveal names is that they don't want to label kids as the kid who does xyz. Believe me, I get being upset because another child hurt your child at daycare - my daughter got hit with a toy not too long ago, and I was very upset. I was equally upset when I found out she bit one of her classmates. I will say that in both cases, it was fairly easy to figure out who the other child was when we thought about the time of day and which kids were there those days - so if you really want to know, you can probably figure it out. |
Anonymous
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Completely standard to withhold the perp's name.
And as far as scratches, bites, pushing, hitting, and spitting -- you ain't seen nothing yet. |
Anonymous
This. You're being a little ridiculous. |
Anonymous
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I feel better about it after sleeping on it for a night.
The funny part was, on the sheet, for remedial action, they said they will "talk to the children about how scratching is wrong." The class only goes up to 16 months, so I am not sure how the kids are going to understand a conversation about not theoretically not scratching, removed from the actual incident of scratching. I get a mental image all these cute little babies sitting there with blank stares as they are lectured. |
Anonymous
"Talk" is probably not what you think it means. The provider probably redirected or said "gentle, gentle" and moved on. That was the "talk" - |
Anonymous
| My 13 mo DD went through a brief stint of biting in the toddler room of her daycare, and I was mortified to get a few of those incident reports. I begged to know the names of her victims because I felt the need to apologize to their parents. The director refused for all the reasons stated above, but the teachers clued me in a little. It didn't make me feel any better. I just needed to learn that she'd outgrow it with a little time and soft teaching, and while a "lecture" is obviously inappropriate and ineffective, we did talk a little about teeth not being for biting, etc. Totally normal, OP, as is your reaction, I'm sure. |
Anonymous
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22:18, you are freaking awesome. Really!
I used to be one of those moms, too. Seriously. I one time saw a toddler at my son's daycare hit my son and I found myself stewing about it for days, and intensely disliking the toddler. She was like 15 months old!! I finally realized I was completely insane. Soon, your child will be old enough to tell you who did it. And you'll never hear the end of it. My son was pushed by Richard at preschool, and while I don't even know which one Richard is, he has been talking about "Richard the pusher" for about 2 weeks straight. If we continue this trend, I think the name might stick with Richard through adulthood. |