17 year old with no summer plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her do summer her way. Next summer, she'll be feeling the stress of getting ready to leave for college. She's almost an adult, childhood is ending. She'll have decades to be out in the world and they start a year from August. Senior year is tough. Very stressful in many ways from doing your best the first two quarters to applying to colleges by October or November. Let her rest up. It's going to be a wild ride, for her and for you, OP. For now, enjoy having her in the house because those days are now numbered and ticking down. Enjoy these days with her, they won't last much longer. Then her bedroom light will go off for good because she's no longer there.

--Mom with younger child a HS senior graduating in a few short weeks and leaving home in a few months for college

This is such platitude filled terrible advice. Really.

A kid sitting around for 12 hours a day on a phone when not in school is not going to have good college options and does not need any more "rest". Please.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she's very mildly autistic, OP, like my daughter. Criteria have significantly changed in recent years, and now encompass a category of "normal" presenting people, who actually do have social and communication challenges and social anxiety, but that are not readily visible to strangers. My kid was diagnosed at 15.

I forced DD to apply to internships and volunteering opportunities in the spring, and one of those offers came through. If I hadn't found the applications online or heard of them thanks to friends, and walked her through the application process, she wouldn't have even thought of such things.

There is still time to volunteer or advertise on your local listserv for baby sitting or pet walking or pet sitting services. My neighborhood listserve sometimes posts jobs that are suitable for older teens and college kids, but you need to react fast. Otherwise check Indeed, or other job websites, and search for high school or teen summer jobs.

[Anonymous]

^^ PP here: Will add that since your child is an introvert (as is mine), moving into a shared dorm room will force her out of her shell to some extent when she's living in a dorm and a college where everyone is suddenly her age. Many dorms now are suites where you have four to eight roommates, too. The trad dorms are being phased out. Your daughter is nesting because she knows what's coming. Kids talk, she's no doubt beginning to get college ads on her phone. She'll be fine, but it's scary for them at the same time. The waiting is the hardest part. It's a fear of the unknown. My introverted kid is spending more time in her room, too. Because having a room to herself will be going away soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her do summer her way. Next summer, she'll be feeling the stress of getting ready to leave for college. She's almost an adult, childhood is ending. She'll have decades to be out in the world and they start a year from August. Senior year is tough. Very stressful in many ways from doing your best the first two quarters to applying to colleges by October or November. Let her rest up. It's going to be a wild ride, for her and for you, OP. For now, enjoy having her in the house because those days are now numbered and ticking down. Enjoy these days with her, they won't last much longer. Then her bedroom light will go off for good because she's no longer there.

--Mom with younger child a HS senior graduating in a few short weeks and leaving home in a few months for college

This is such platitude filled terrible advice. Really.

A kid sitting around for 12 hours a day on a phone when not in school is not going to have good college options and does not need any more "rest". Please.

I let my older one "sit around" summer between junior and senior year and kid is now graduating college with honors college designation, a 3.9 GPA, stellar references for grad school, lots of friends and an apartment, is no longer living with us, has a job. I think we've done just fine, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her do summer her way. Next summer, she'll be feeling the stress of getting ready to leave for college. She's almost an adult, childhood is ending. She'll have decades to be out in the world and they start a year from August. Senior year is tough. Very stressful in many ways from doing your best the first two quarters to applying to colleges by October or November. Let her rest up. It's going to be a wild ride, for her and for you, OP. For now, enjoy having her in the house because those days are now numbered and ticking down. Enjoy these days with her, they won't last much longer. Then her bedroom light will go off for good because she's no longer there.

--Mom with younger child a HS senior graduating in a few short weeks and leaving home in a few months for college

This is such platitude filled terrible advice. Really.

A kid sitting around for 12 hours a day on a phone when not in school is not going to have good college options and does not need any more "rest". Please.

I let my older one "sit around" summer between junior and senior year and kid is now graduating college with honors college designation, a 3.9 GPA, stellar references for grad school, lots of friends and an apartment, is no longer living with us, has a job. I think we've done just fine, thanks.

Did your kid who is now graduating spend 12 hours a day on the phone? If, so, doesn't make you parent of the year and particularly qualified to give advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her do summer her way. Next summer, she'll be feeling the stress of getting ready to leave for college. She's almost an adult, childhood is ending. She'll have decades to be out in the world and they start a year from August. Senior year is tough. Very stressful in many ways from doing your best the first two quarters to applying to colleges by October or November. Let her rest up. It's going to be a wild ride, for her and for you, OP. For now, enjoy having her in the house because those days are now numbered and ticking down. Enjoy these days with her, they won't last much longer. Then her bedroom light will go off for good because she's no longer there.

--Mom with younger child a HS senior graduating in a few short weeks and leaving home in a few months for college

This is such platitude filled terrible advice. Really.

A kid sitting around for 12 hours a day on a phone when not in school is not going to have good college options and does not need any more "rest". Please.

I let my older one "sit around" summer between junior and senior year and kid is now graduating college with honors college designation, a 3.9 GPA, stellar references for grad school, lots of friends and an apartment, is no longer living with us, has a job. I think we've done just fine, thanks.

This isn't really about you is it though? This particular teenager is described as already regularly doing this (12 hour screen days) and no social life. We're talking about OP's kid here not yours.

[Anonymous]

What is with these people deciding they don't WANT a job? Stop giving them money, and tell them if they WANT money then they NEED a job. If they are old enough to work they are too old for a weekly allowance. Motivate your children, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with these people deciding they don't WANT a job? Stop giving them money, and tell them if they WANT money then they NEED a job. If they are old enough to work they are too old for a weekly allowance. Motivate your children, people!

OP addressed. The kid goes nowhere and doesn't spend money. So probably not a lot of money being given.

I agree for many teens this is a motivator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ PP here: Will add that since your child is an introvert (as is mine), moving into a shared dorm room will force her out of her shell to some extent when she's living in a dorm and a college where everyone is suddenly her age. Many dorms now are suites where you have four to eight roommates, too. The trad dorms are being phased out. Your daughter is nesting because she knows what's coming. Kids talk, she's no doubt beginning to get college ads on her phone. She'll be fine, but it's scary for them at the same time. The waiting is the hardest part. It's a fear of the unknown. My introverted kid is spending more time in her room, too. Because having a room to herself will be going away soon.

I don't know what this poster is smoking, but no, it doesn't sound like this child knows what's in store, at all. My 16 year old has friends who are seniors, and she doesn't know anything about dorm situations unless she gets it from her older brother, who will be a college senior in the fall.

You're assuming so many wrong things, PP, and just not getting that 17 year olds are usually not well informed about college life, particularly kids who don't have a lot of friends and who prefer to keep to themselves. The college ads DO NOT talk about that sort of stuff! I know, I'm getting them and my 16 year old is getting them.

And FYI, the summer before college is the summer to relax. No, kids aren't spending all that summer stressing out. If OP's kid is a rising senior, she needs to be active this summer at all costs because admissions officers will expect some kind of summer activity. Otherwise it's a huge ding on her application profile.

[Anonymous]

"My 17 year old daughter has basically no plans for the summer"...what is "summer" these days for K-12 kids? "Summer" is maybe eight weeks long max now, six if you're doing a fall activity (sport, marching band, etc.). Summer for fall activity kids ends in July now. "Summer vacation" has shrunk to almost nothing at this point, to suit the parents' schedules. Who wants to hire your kid for six weeks over the summer, with a week of that being training? Nobody.

[Anonymous]

You could tell her that she has to contribute financially to her portion of the WiFi and her phone if she wants access to them. I bet she would be more motivated to get a job if those were taken away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with these people deciding they don't WANT a job? Stop giving them money, and tell them if they WANT money then they NEED a job. If they are old enough to work they are too old for a weekly allowance. Motivate your children, people!

OP addressed. The kid goes nowhere and doesn't spend money. So probably not a lot of money being given.

I agree for many teens this is a motivator.

How is she accessing Tik Tok? Take that away. Or just flat out tell them "Go get a job!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with these people deciding they don't WANT a job? Stop giving them money, and tell them if they WANT money then they NEED a job. If they are old enough to work they are too old for a weekly allowance. Motivate your children, people!

+1 million

Why are kids allowed to just sit around all day. I mean, she should be doing something productive. It’s good for her and it’s good for her college applications.

So glad phones and tablets weren’t a thing when I was a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My 17 year old daughter has basically no plans for the summer"...what is "summer" these days for K-12 kids? "Summer" is maybe eight weeks long max now, six if you're doing a fall activity (sport, marching band, etc.). Summer for fall activity kids ends in July now. "Summer vacation" has shrunk to almost nothing at this point, to suit the parents' schedules. Who wants to hire your kid for six weeks over the summer, with a week of that being training? Nobody.

Lots of camp counselor jobs. Who do you think does those jobs? High school kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My 17 year old daughter has basically no plans for the summer"...what is "summer" these days for K-12 kids? "Summer" is maybe eight weeks long max now, six if you're doing a fall activity (sport, marching band, etc.). Summer for fall activity kids ends in July now. "Summer vacation" has shrunk to almost nothing at this point, to suit the parents' schedules. Who wants to hire your kid for six weeks over the summer, with a week of that being training? Nobody.

Lots of camp counselor jobs. Who do you think does those jobs? High school kids.

There are also a lot of kids who work during the year and ramp it up in the summer. My ds used to bus tables a couple times a week and then be scheduled more in the summer. Same with lifeguarding, you get more shifts.