17 year old with no summer plans

[Anonymous]

My 17 year old daughter has basically no plans for the summer and I’m trying to figure out what would actually be good for her. She’s very introverted, not especially social, and doesn’t really hang out with friends. Left to her own devices, she’ll probably spend most of the summer in her room on TikTok/X and online. She would never leave the house.

She also has no interest in getting a summer job like many kids her age. I guess she lags a bit in maturity because jobs feel too “adult” to her right now, even though she doesn’t really shop, go out, or do much typical teen stuff either. She’s a nice kid, just very content staying home and online.

For those with similar teens, what did they/will do? I just don’t know much to push her, because she might refuse to do anything.

[Anonymous]

What did she do last year? I would require her to do something that involves interacting with others and/or leaving the house. Online could be ok if that's all that's possible. My older introverted (autistic) kid did an internship in an area of special interest. My second introverted (not autistic) kid is working as a camp counselor where he attended when he was young.

[Anonymous]

First of all I'd limit how much tiktok she can watch in a day. Then, I'd require her to get a volunteer gig.

[Anonymous]

I pushed my similar-minded teen to get a job, and I’m glad I did. She seems to be liking it (or at least tolerating it). I told her there’s no way she’s spending the summer in her room.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she has to get a job. The end.

Limit the tik tok.

[Anonymous]

I saw Fairfax County is looking for library volunteers. That’s probably shelving books and would not be socially intimidating.

I strongly believe that for mental health, most people need some sort of structure. Doesn’t have to be every day - just a reason to shower and put away the screens.

[Anonymous]

So she's a senior and this is her summer before college? Does needing spending money in college motivate her? I'd require a job, and I didn't let my kids work in high school. But the summer after high school is too old to lay around all day. And exposure to "adulting" is the only way to mature. Even part time, but something to get her a healthy routine.
Even just babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Take the device for some portion of each day. Not as a punishment just as a fact. This is how it is.

She has to leave the house. Volunteer or job. Library is great.

Ask her very seriously how she envisions herself having spending money in college. Not in an angry way, but matter-of-fact. Tell her you won't be providing more than $X a month. Making her grapple with this is good parenting!

[Anonymous]

My dd did not have a job summer after high school but only because she had jobs years prior and used the money to travel that summer. I don't think it's good to, as the kids say, rot at home all summer. Does she have no desire to buy things, save money, have spending money in college...?

[Anonymous]

She’s a junior right now, she’ll be a senior in the fall. Her screen time during days off is 12hr, she’s addicted. She refuses to get a job. She doesn’t have a desire to spend money or buy anything, so that does contribute to this. OP

[Anonymous]

Get a job.

[Anonymous]

No, being online all day long is not okay.

Job, volunteer gig, or at least take a class at a local or community college or some kind of hobby-related class like art or yoga or creative writing. Is there nothing she's interested in? Feels like such a waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s a junior right now, she’ll be a senior in the fall. Her screen time during days off is 12hr, she’s addicted. She refuses to get a job. She doesn’t have a desire to spend money or buy anything, so that does contribute to this. OP

Then you have a bigger problem than having no summer plans. You have a kid with a digital addiction with no social life and aspirations. Maybe you can get some professional guidance on this.

[Anonymous]

Let her do summer her way. Next summer, she'll be feeling the stress of getting ready to leave for college. She's almost an adult, childhood is ending. She'll have decades to be out in the world and they start a year from August. Senior year is tough. Very stressful in many ways from doing your best the first two quarters to applying to colleges by October or November. Let her rest up. It's going to be a wild ride, for her and for you, OP. For now, enjoy having her in the house because those days are now numbered and ticking down. Enjoy these days with her, they won't last much longer. Then her bedroom light will go off for good because she's no longer there.

--Mom with younger child a HS senior graduating in a few short weeks and leaving home in a few months for college

[Anonymous]

Mine is similar to yours in that she doesn’t socialize much and has no formal job for the summer. As of now she will be working on college apps, taking the ACT and volunteering (I pushed the volunteering since she has no job). She’s open to getting a job but I’ll admit that I’m not pushing it since her older sister did get two summer jobs after her junior and senior years of high school which sadly weren’t useful (she barely got shifts due to over hiring at both) so the effort to get a job doesn’t seem worth it this time.
Mine doesn’t have SM but could watch hours and hours of TV so I have to make sure that’s not all she’s doing.