Has marriage changed over time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to my grandmother about her marriage to my grandpa. She was very honest with me and told me about my grandpa having a mistress when she was in her 20s with 3 kids including a new baby.

I was shocked. I never thought my grandpa would do something like that. I have fond memories of my childhood with the both of them.

It made me wonder do we currently have unrealistic expectations of marriage? If someone posted my grandma’s story here for advice, everyone here would say divorce.

Women have more options now. Divorce is not the stigma it was in your grandmother’s time. Every person still goes into marriage making the same vows. They just don’t have to stay if someone decides to prioritize their own selfish pleasures.
Can you really not understand this?

The economic factors have changed quickly but the ingrained social beliefs don’t change as fast. That’s why we see men and women with mismatched expectations of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not a troll. As a side note it’s annoying that whenever anyone tries to have an open conversation here someone calls them a troll.

My grandma worked, but was not wealthy. I don’t think she has any regrets about not divorcing, because she enjoyed the big family that came from her marriage.

I’m not saying others should do the same thing. I was just thinking out loud about the tradeoffs we tend to make today.

Did your grandfather continuously cheat throughout their marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not a troll. As a side note it’s annoying that whenever anyone tries to have an open conversation here someone calls them a troll.

My grandma worked, but was not wealthy. I don’t think she has any regrets about not divorcing, because she enjoyed the big family that came from her marriage.

I’m not saying others should do the same thing. I was just thinking out loud about the tradeoffs we tend to make today.

Did your grandfather continuously cheat throughout their marriage?

Not that I’m aware of. Though on a personal level, I would say I don’t think I could tolerate what my Grandfather did if I was in my Grandmother’s shoes. Particularly the fact that she had a new baby would make forgiveness a non-option.

Even though I couldn’t personally move past it, on some level I wish I could. Because I consider my Grandmother to have one in the long run by having a large loving family.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a business relationship in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to my grandmother about her marriage to my grandpa. She was very honest with me and told me about my grandpa having a mistress when she was in her 20s with 3 kids including a new baby.

I was shocked. I never thought my grandpa would do something like that. I have fond memories of my childhood with the both of them.

It made me wonder do we currently have unrealistic expectations of marriage? If someone posted my grandma’s story here for advice, everyone here would say divorce.

No. Just because there are crappy marriages, doesn't mean we need to change the definition for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Some people lie and cheat, others don't. It has nothing to do with being man or woman or single or married. Some people put up with such partners, others can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a business relationship in many ways.

Marriage is a partnership, has business aspects as well but there is a whole lot more to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a business relationship in many ways.

I agree with this.

You don't pick a business partner based on how well you vibe. There's a ton of due diligence involved, along with negotiations and contracts.

Women should approach marriage similarly. Bail the moment there are red flags, negotiate what the marriage will look like, get a solid prenup.

[Anonymous]

I do think we have unrealistic expectations for modern marriage. We want a driven career person with a high salary, a great lover, our best friend, our confidante who stimulates us intellectually and maintains sexiness and attractiveness forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not a troll. As a side note it’s annoying that whenever anyone tries to have an open conversation here someone calls them a troll.

My grandma worked, but was not wealthy. I don’t think she has any regrets about not divorcing, because she enjoyed the big family that came from her marriage.

I’m not saying others should do the same thing. I was just thinking out loud about the tradeoffs we tend to make today.

It’s not every time someone tries to have an open conversation that they get called a troll. It’s when people post dumb things. Like you’ve seriously never thought about WHY things are different now for women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to my grandmother about her marriage to my grandpa. She was very honest with me and told me about my grandpa having a mistress when she was in her 20s with 3 kids including a new baby.

I was shocked. I never thought my grandpa would do something like that. I have fond memories of my childhood with the both of them.

It made me wonder do we currently have unrealistic expectations of marriage? If someone posted my grandma’s story here for advice, everyone here would say divorce.

Yes, many married men are selfish, terrible spouses and parents, especially age 25-60.
Some aren’t.

Next?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think we have unrealistic expectations for modern marriage. We want a driven career person with a high salary, a great lover, our best friend, our confidante who stimulates us intellectually and maintains sexiness and attractiveness forever.

No.

We want a responsible adult who can communicate. Especially if having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think we have unrealistic expectations for modern marriage. We want a driven career person with a high salary, a great lover, our best friend, our confidante who stimulates us intellectually and maintains sexiness and attractiveness forever.

No.

We want a responsible adult who can communicate. Especially if having kids.

Unfortunately I do not believe that is a universal criterion in the selection process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to my grandmother about her marriage to my grandpa. She was very honest with me and told me about my grandpa having a mistress when she was in her 20s with 3 kids including a new baby.

I was shocked. I never thought my grandpa would do something like that. I have fond memories of my childhood with the both of them.

It made me wonder do we currently have unrealistic expectations of marriage? If someone posted my grandma’s story here for advice, everyone here would say divorce.

Oh how cute.

A child thought his manipulative fun grandpa was the best.

Wow.

Then when older found out he was a cheating promiscuous self-centered A-hole in real life.

Can’t imagine what he actually did for his own kids and wife those 20 years. Paycheck only?

[Anonymous]

Has marriage changed over time?

I guess so given more women’s and men’s rights, education, employment options.