Regret not having one last child

[Anonymous]

if you feel too old that's one thing - but if you want another child you could try and see what happens. families don't all look one way or have perfectly spaced kids. do what's right for you.

[Anonymous]

Some OP. We tried for #4 at first but then DH changed his mind and we stopped at 3. For still regret it from time to time, but as someone already pointed out, you never know how it might have impacted you and your family for good and bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t relate personally but also plenty of people have a baby at 42, especially a last baby.

It would be a 4th baby. The OP also said she found it hard with her newborn during Covid. She said it nearly broke her. That’s a sign right there that three is enough. OP has a long way to go with the children she has. She needs to focus on her three children.

[Anonymous]

I want a third but am resolutely stopping at 2 because I know it would negatively impact the two I have. Older children do not really want or benefit from another much younger sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want a third but am resolutely stopping at 2 because I know it would negatively impact the two I have. Older children do not really want or benefit from another much younger sibling.

False.

[Anonymous]

OP, this forum is not very friendly to people who want more than 3 kids. It’s certainly an outlier in our DMV community (with exceptions, such as the religious community I live in.) I’m sorry you feel this way. You might get better responses with people in real life (maybe).

[Anonymous]

OP, you're looking for reasons to be sad. Cut it out. Your 3 beautiful children, who are here, need you to feel settled.

[Anonymous]

I'm 51 and still have some lingering regret we didn't have a 4th. Lots of reasons why that was the right call, but the pull in our hearts doesn't really go away. And that's all right! Maybe grandchildren will do the trick. But it's not like I think about this daily or that it impacts my overall happiness. It's ok to sit with the feeling when you need to.

[Anonymous]

I know plenty of women with big families in the DMV; they aren’t well represented on this board though. My mom had a bunch of kids and I’m so grateful for that. The sibling who is far younger than I am (by nine years) is all our favorite sib and she rocks! Materially, we didn’t have a lot of cash. My parents were often in debt. But not having nice clothes or a fancy wedding didn’t make us sad. We grew up like most Americans and things usually worked out. I didn’t even know I was “lower” middle class until I went to college and saw the wealth that others took for granted. I’ll take relationships over materialism any day. I saw that privileged backgrounds didn’t make my peers happy or emotionally well. That has informed my own approach to parenting. My kids are currently begging for a sixth. I’ve thought a lot about the arguments that ARE well represented here (resource issues, division of time, not being able to keep up with the activity culture, special needs, etc.) and I realize those aren’t relevant for my situation. I’m blessed with health and a great job so I’m going to make a less obvious choice…just be open to having more kids. When it comes to time spent per kid, I think people overestimate how much time older kids take and need and want from their parents (minus the driving—the chauffeuring is tough!). (I know I didn’t want my parents breathing down my neck once I hit a certain age. In junior high and high school, my only child friends were always trying to hang out with my family and get away from their parents!) Also, my kids love being with each other, all piling on my lap to read a book. We have fun together. We try to do one on one time, and it all works out. All to say, all sizes of family are beautiful. But I think sometimes some people prematurely opt out of more kids or make a permanent family planning decision out of shifting fears that aren’t relevant to them or are overblown. It’s ok to not want another at age 42, but you are consciously making that decision.

[Anonymous]

You are in the eye of the storm. Come back when you have 3 high schoolers and let us know how easy your life is...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, maybe you will always regret it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

People, life is full of regrets. Regretting that you didn't have a 4th child is something you can learn to live with. Count your blessings.

Yes, count your other 3 blessings. I regretted not having a third. My youngest is 15 now. For me, It helps to appreciate the joy in my 2. It could’ve been 1. It could’ve been 0.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t relate personally but also plenty of people have a baby at 42, especially a last baby.

Just because “plenty of people” are stupid doesn’t mean OP needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a good start on 529s for your kids? Or maybe you're rich. Not just rich, dcum rich?

[Anonymous]

Spend some time looking at college costs and you'll feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I feel like you have posted about this before. I'd dig deep and think about what is actually underlying this desire to have more kids. I would venture to guess it's more about enjoying something about the baby years than actually wanting to have four kids to support emotionally, logistically, financially, etc.

The language of the OP makes me agree. The x under y often seems to come with a competitive parenting mindset. Some people will be juggle more and bigger families than you. If you choose to let that take from your own enjoyment of your own life truly is a choice.