Daughter prefers to stay home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

She prefers to stay home, and doesn’t want a job. She just doesn’t seem to understand why everyone is expected to have a job in life. She did defer admission/take a gap year, so she is able attend college in August, but has worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

She prefers to stay home, and doesn’t want a job. She just doesn’t seem to understand why everyone is expected to have a job in life. She did defer admission/take a gap year, so she is able attend college in August, but has worries.

This part is incredibly concerning, more so than the not wanting to run errands with you. She sounds lazy and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

I do mean this in the most sincere way possible: Why are people always obsessed with DC getting a job? If they help out around the house and are otherwise a pleasant person to be around, I don’t see any harm in them staying at home.

In a world where you don't need money, sure, OP.

Maybe you should have led with the wealth angle.

Actually, it might not even cost that much money. For example, dependents who earn less than around $5,000 gross annually and are your immediate relatives would qualify as a qualifying relative. This means you automatically get a $500 dependent tax credit, and if you are single, you would qualify for filing as head of household on top of the tax credit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

She prefers to stay home, and doesn’t want a job. She just doesn’t seem to understand why everyone is expected to have a job in life. She did defer admission/take a gap year, so she is able attend college in August, but has worries.

So do the traditional thing and keep her as the spinster daughter. She doesn't need a job but she is prohibited from dating from here on out. Her job is in the home, to take care of the house and her siblings, and eventually be your full time caregivers as you age. It's a fair choice with precedent. If that's not appealing, she need an alternate plan and that doesn't include support by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

She prefers to stay home, and doesn’t want a job. She just doesn’t seem to understand why everyone is expected to have a job in life. She did defer admission/take a gap year, so she is able attend college in August, but has worries.

What are her worries? Your entire focus needs to be on making sure she starts college in August. If she doesn’t, she will be even more stuck than she is now. I realize you like having her around, but that is not in her long-term best interest. She needs to go to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? Why on earth did you let her not attend college? HUGE parenting fail, OP.

Since I have relatives with that profile, I assume that she's on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum with debilitating social anxiety. You need a psychological evaluation to figure out a diagnosis, then the right treatment. She needs to enroll in community college then transfer to a state university, and work in the summer to get work experience.

Crack the whip, OP. The situation is not going to magically resolve itself.

Or possibly just really bad anxiety. Her world is shrinking and you need to push to get her dx ed and treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

She prefers to stay home, and doesn’t want a job. She just doesn’t seem to understand why everyone is expected to have a job in life. She did defer admission/take a gap year, so she is able attend college in August, but has worries.

She needs to be working OP. Even babysitting or take a few courses at community college.

[Anonymous]

So this thread is a troll post by a person who wants to prove a point. That it's possible for a young adult to never work in their lives.

What they forgot to mention was the wealth level of their family.

Troll OP is also waiting for someone to mention that their DD character can also marry the neuroscientist they're dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So this thread is a troll post by a person who wants to prove a point. That it's possible for a young adult to never work in their lives.

What they forgot to mention was the wealth level of their family.

Troll OP is also waiting for someone to mention that their DD character can also marry the neuroscientist they're dating.

But do you really need to be wealthy, though? The tax savings alone are worth approximately $5.5k a year for the average earner, assuming that you are now filing as HoH rather than single due to supporting a dependent. If you are married filing jointly, you still get a $500 tax credit, which is also not bad at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

She prefers to stay home, and doesn’t want a job. She just doesn’t seem to understand why everyone is expected to have a job in life. She did defer admission/take a gap year, so she is able attend college in August, but has worries.

What are her worries? Your entire focus needs to be on making sure she starts college in August. If she doesn’t, she will be even more stuck than she is now. I realize you like having her around, but that is not in her long-term best interest. She needs to go to college.

She’s worried about feeling lonely in college, and moving from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

I do mean this in the most sincere way possible: Why are people always obsessed with DC getting a job? If they help out around the house and are otherwise a pleasant person to be around, I don’t see any harm in them staying at home.

To me it’s not about the job, it’s about helping your DC realize that it’s not a “real” life choice to sit around while someone else pays for your life. Being in college or going to school is their “job” when they are younger, but if they aren’t in school and are otherwise capable, they need to be doing something useful with their lives. Volunteering would also be fine with me.

We are wealthy and we focus on hard work, not achievements. My kids are given a lot of opportunities and material things, and our expectation is that in return they will work hard. At age 5, working hard probably just means tidying their toys, but by age 19, it absolutely means college or a job. It’s not about the money, it’s a value.

The stay at home mommies of drum would beg to differ that sitting around while someone pays for your life isn’t a real life choice. Does the boyfriend want to marry her and have a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting her sit home and do nothing? Tell her if she's not in school full time she needs to pay you rent. That will force her to get a job. Why are you bankrolling her? You need to stop coddling and light a fire under her ass. Tell her on June 1, she owes you $600 for June rent. She has all of May to get a job and start saving. money.

She prefers to stay home, and doesn’t want a job. She just doesn’t seem to understand why everyone is expected to have a job in life. She did defer admission/take a gap year, so she is able attend college in August, but has worries.

You are allowing her to freeload. I would not care if she didn't WANT a job. People don't get to do only what they WANT. I would charge her rent and insist she get a job to pay it.

[Anonymous]

Even if (let’s say) you are very wealthy - this is not good for her mental health. Surely you realize this?

She need to be working, in school, or heavily volunteering (with a goal for that to add to her resume for eventual paid employment).

[Anonymous]

There is likely some anxiety at play, especially if her world is shrinking smaller and smaller.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine wanting to be home at that age. I moved to the other side of the world to be a nanny and to go to school.
I bet she likes long showers, has no friends, and doodles.
Hopefully she married him and can stay home forever.