husband will not go to the doctor, even for preventive care and regular checkups

[Anonymous]

My husband is like this too. He prioritizes work always. I’ve told him what’s the point if you end up dead at 56 because you didn’t prioritize your health, but it’s your decision to make, I’m not your mother. And I move on with my life 🤷‍♀️.
I find it completely ridiculous but he’s a grown man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adults get to choose what medical care they receive.

Only if they can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is similar but is getting a little better. He did a colonoscopy because of a horror story from a friend and got the orders for bloodwork a year ago and never went to the lab. He always says he's going to get in shape and then go. Does yours also have a terrible cardiac family history? My MIL dropped dead of a heart attack at 54 and his dad had bypass surgery at the same age.

I make sure he maxes out on the life insurance available through work. Our term policies expire in a couple of years.

+1. Your DH may be hoping for a quick death like this, OP. Just make sure you’ve got your finances squared away and enjoy your time together while you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is like this too. He prioritizes work always. I’ve told him what’s the point if you end up dead at 56 because you didn’t prioritize your health, but it’s your decision to make, I’m not your mother. And I move on with my life 🤷‍♀️.
I find it completely ridiculous but he’s a grown man.

He may be hoping to die in the office. I know lots of men who just stay at the office all the time because they either don’t want to go home, or don’t know how else to spend their time.

[Anonymous]

I don’t go to the doctor either. I would rather die early from an untreated cancer/heart attack than live a long life.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, OP, that he should handle his health how he wants. But I know I’d be pretty resentful if I were taking care of a husband who needed more care years earlier than otherwise because he wouldn’t do the simple things. Hearing loss is associated with dementia. Hearing loss is often fixable, dementia not so much. So it’s not just him not caring himself, he obviously cares little for the person likely to be his caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, OP, that he should handle his health how he wants. But I know I’d be pretty resentful if I were taking care of a husband who needed more care years earlier than otherwise because he wouldn’t do the simple things. Hearing loss is associated with dementia. Hearing loss is often fixable, dementia not so much. So it’s not just him not caring himself, he obviously cares little for the person likely to be his caretaker.

Can you make him sign some sort of contract that allows you to put him in a home if it’s too much work for you? Make it clear that he will need to put enough money aside for it.

The other option would be to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're both in our early 50s. He won't even get a basic checkup with bloodwork, and when I've tried to convince him to just do it already, get basic bloodwork done so he at least knows his cholesterol level (he's a foodie and will enjoy foods that raise cholesterol level), he won't. When I went for a colonoscopy and said he needs to do the same thing at our age, he shrugged it off as said it's my "thing," as if he's another species and these human concerns aren't his "thing." He desperately needs a hearing test and said his hearing is just fine, doesn't see a concern, it's all on me to speak louder. Eye check? His sight is fine, that's my issue. I'm at my wit's end and have come to the conclusion he can handle his own health his way. Anyone else in the same boat?

Me, but I'm the one refusing to make appts. I suspect it is passive suicidal tendency, honestly. I have cptsd from childhood neglect and abuse. No matter how much therapy I get, I always end up in the same place neglecting myself and my health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t go to the doctor either. I would rather die early from an untreated cancer/heart attack than live a long life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t go to the doctor either. I would rather die early from an untreated cancer/heart attack than live a long life.

+1

If you feel that way, I hope you have been up front with your spouse/partners before marrying them with this mindset. If not, that is pretty crappy of your. I also hope you have your estate in order so that you don't up and die, leaving a spouse/children to sort everything out after you croak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t go to the doctor either. I would rather die early from an untreated cancer/heart attack than live a long life.

+1

If you feel that way, I hope you have been up front with your spouse/partners before marrying them with this mindset. If not, that is pretty crappy of your. I also hope you have your estate in order so that you don't up and die, leaving a spouse/children to sort everything out after you croak.

Not going to the doctor is the default. If having a partner who has an annual physical was something important to you, you could have screened for that while dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t go to the doctor either. I would rather die early from an untreated cancer/heart attack than live a long life.

+1

If you feel that way, I hope you have been up front with your spouse/partners before marrying them with this mindset. If not, that is pretty crappy of your. I also hope you have your estate in order so that you don't up and die, leaving a spouse/children to sort everything out after you croak.

Not going to the doctor is the default. If having a partner who has an annual physical was something important to you, you could have screened for that while dating.

Not OP, but you are actually allowed to develop different priorities as your grow older.

[Anonymous]

It is very typical Male behavior that your hubby does not want to see a doctor - - many many (did I say many??!) men hate visiting their doctor’s office.

OP, you can only do so much.
At his age it is a wise idea for him to see a PCP to obtain a general physical.
At the very least he should get his bloodwork done.
It doesn’t take very long to draw blood & the results are very important.

I am fifty-seven (Female) ➕ I just had my labs done last month for the first time in yrs.
Turned out I had very high cholesterol and am now on a statin.
It’s a tiny little pill that I take daily and has zero side effect.
It is supposed to bring my levels down 50%.
High cholesterol is very dangerous as plaque built up in arteries can lead to heart issues.

I also learned that I am pre-diabetic & am on new medication for that as well.

I can understand your husband’s squeamishness over getting a colonoscopy however.
He may not need one > TMI: He can first bring a stool sample into his Dr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t go to the doctor either. I would rather die early from an untreated cancer/heart attack than live a long life.

+1

If you feel that way, I hope you have been up front with your spouse/partners before marrying them with this mindset. If not, that is pretty crappy of your. I also hope you have your estate in order so that you don't up and die, leaving a spouse/children to sort everything out after you croak.

Not going to the doctor is the default. If having a partner who has an annual physical was something important to you, you could have screened for that while dating.

Not OP, but you are actually allowed to develop different priorities as your grow older.

+1

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he ever get a life insurance policy?

Those usually require a physical including blood work

Yep, that’s why I asked about life insurance (although it could have gotten life insurance years ago).