Would you tell him the truth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Text him the link to this thread and then block him (assuming you want no further contact).

Please don’t. Then he will chime in and then troll us.

This thread cracks me up. He treated you more like his buddy than his girlfriend. Maybe say that to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Text him the link to this thread and then block him (assuming you want no further contact).

Please don’t. Then he will chime in and then troll us.

This thread cracks me up. He treated you more like his buddy than his girlfriend. Maybe say that to him.

I wouldn't want to be this guy's buddy, either. Hahaha, homophobia, hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the concept of closure and worry he'd try to use this to "litigate" your breakup. He just needs to learn to move on.

I would not meet up with him.

+1000

Just ignore.
Believe me, he knows why. I dated a Jekyll Hyde guy, and at one point he confessed, he could only be “best behavior” for so long. He will swear to be different - but he won’t be.

Exactly

He knows.

Ignore and block.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About a month ago I ended things with a guy I had been dating. He was younger than me by a few years, in his early 30s. When we first started dating, he was great- seemed mature, responsible, sexy.

But after a few weeks, I guess after he had gotten more comfortable around me, it was like he reverted to being a teenage boy. Farting all the time around me, constant homophobic and poop jokes, if he had stomach problems he would tell me all the details about his bathroom trips, laughing at me during sex (not like cute laughing because something weird happened, like if I made any noise whatsoever or tried to dirty talk he’d just laugh), he’d try to initiate sex by either groping my chest or whipping his junk out and shaking it at me. When he visted extended family, he would troll the woman to try to get them to fight with each other. Everything was a big joke to him.

It was SO weird and such a 180 from the guy I originally met. He grew up around all guys, and was military, so I chalked it up to the dude had never really been around women. But I guess he knew enough to not act like a total caveman at first?

Anyway, I ended things soon afterwards because I was so grossed out. He was actually pretty distraught over me ending things. I never really gave him a reason why, just that I thought we weren’t compatible.

He’s reached out and wants to talk about why I ended it for closure. How honest should I be with him? I don’t want to lie and reassure him he’s great, but also, I feel bad saying that basically everything about his personality is disgusting.

Man, he sounds like a total loser.

I’d happily walk away and not look back. Most types don’t take feedback well anyhow and certainly doubt improve because of it:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s asking for feedback so I’d give it freely. Be kind but honest. Maybe he can do some self-reflection. I think this would be a huge favor for him.

At most just say you found his jokes and demeanor immature and uncomfortable. No gracias.

[Anonymous]

He sounds misogynistic enough to use this “debrief” as an excuse to hurt you, verbally or physically. I wouldn’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't meet with him in person.

You could say something in text like...

"I enjoyed the mature polite "best behavior" you showed during our early dates. Later on, when you felt more relaxed, you were comfortable saying and doing things that were dealbreakers for me (such as farting on me and making negative remarks about gay people). I am looking for a partner who authentically displays mature and polite behavior consistently. While you have many good qualities, I don't think you're the right person for me."

I would say at a maximum

[Anonymous]

You already told him.
No need to tell him again or meet up w him for closure.

[Anonymous]

He’s 30+, not a teenager. If he doesn’t know how to behave appropriately with women by this point then there isn’t anything you can do.

[Anonymous]

Tell him over the phone the info in your first four paragraphs, including the specific examples. Then just say you and he have different senses of humor and different maturity levels, and therefore you’re incompatible.

If he tries to explain or justify this or that specific thing, just say you’re not compatible and you wish him well, and he’ll find a better match.

[Anonymous]

How did you not get up and leave the restaurant when he made homophobic comments in earshot of the waiter? That would have shown him much more clearly.

[Anonymous]

I broke up with a woman who really had no clue what happened. A year later I told her all of it in great detail in a phone conversation. She took it well and still calls me every couple of months although she's had a boyfriend since that time. I don't know how the guy deals with her, but he does.

[Anonymous]

Send him a variation of your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds misogynistic enough to use this “debrief” as an excuse to hurt you, verbally or physically. I wouldn’t go.

+1. It doesn't sound like his goal is improving himself.

(I write this as my husband is farting loudly from two rooms away- but it's not a deal breaker for me. It is for you- so there is no point in debriefing. He knows why).

[Anonymous]

I’d come up with some face saving excuse like I feel we can’t appreciate each other’s sense of humor.