Do you allow your children to use first names

[Anonymous]

I probably would have addressed it with the child. Something like, "you know, I would prefer is you call me Mrs. So-n-so".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine, but I also think that everyone (adults and children) should respect the wishes of the person being addressed.

I plan to err on the side of formality when teaching my child how to address adults, but also expect that some people will invite him to call them by their first names and I will allow him to do so.

This is my view as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually really hate the "Ms. FirstName" approach. Just call me by my first name if you want to use this approach.

I would like to know at what age the "Ms. FirstName" or "Mr. FirstName" gets replaced with "Mrs.LastName" and "Mr. LastName". I understand that doing the former for preschool kids etc is easier for them but eventually that must change. Do teens for example still call their friends parents "Mrs. FirstName"?

I think it depends on the region or even just your social circle. My parents' friends were always Mr. and Mrs X to me. My BIL and SIL live in the south, and my 20-something nephew's girlfriend refers to them as Ms. Jane and Mr. John. It's very common in their area to always use Ms./Mr plus first name.

We will be teaching our DD to use Mr./Mrs. Last Name, unless friends request otherwise. I've had a few friends whose kids called us by our first names, even though i didn't care for it. My solution was simply to refer to my husband as Mr. Smith when talking to the kids ("Oh, Mr. Smith was impressed that you could ride your bike without training wheels!"), and I think the adults eventually pick up on it and let their kids know how to refer to me/us. I'm sure that method will offend someone here, but I hope that in practice it's very gentle and non-confrontational.

[Anonymous]

My guess is your children are young. In my social circle in DC (school and a travel team) all the children call the parents and coaches by their first name. My child goes to a school where the students call their teachers by their first name. (No need to identify it by name, there are several.) My child went to a school through Grade 6 where students addressed teachers with Miss, Mrs., Mr. We bump into a former teacher, my child addresses him//her formally.

Anyway, your position seems just as extreme as the mother's who doesn't want her child to call you by your last name. You may become more flexible in time. Again, I have no idea where you live. That may be driving it.

[Anonymous]

Growing up, we always used the Ms. & Mr. Firstname approach and I still refer to most of my parents' friends that way. But it definitely is a product of where you grew up. My husband thought we were crazy when he first heard that as he never did that (he grew up around here). But trust me, in some areas of the country, that is a very common practice and you would never refer to an adult by their first name only. I can only remember one of my parents' friends who lived out of town who we called by their first name only and I thought that was soooooo cool. Like we were getting away with something.

I'm personally OK with kids calling me by my first name but I do agree with PPs that you should be aware of how people feel about that before allowing your child to use their first name only. Luckily, most of our friends had kids before us so I plan to use the protocol set forth by them when my DS can talk. In some cases, it will be first name only and in others Ms. Firstname (mostly my hometown friends who are used to that) and for others we will use Mrs. Lastname. I find its easier to just have the conversation with people first or just "feel them out" when introducing a new person. Or, in some cases, they will introduce themselves.

What drives me crazy is people who feel the need to give 'aunt and uncle' titles to everyone. To me, that should be reserved for your siblings only and MAYBE your very best friend. And it makes me even crazier when people bestow the title upon themselves and make the parents feel like they have to use that title for people who are NOT their aunts and uncles. Irritates the hell out of me!

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the south with Ms. FirstName and I hate it. Our kids (4y and 5y) call most of our friends by their first name. I don't think respect it all in the title we call someone, but how we treat that person.

[Anonymous]

Growing up around Baltimore, we called grown-ups Mr. or Ms. First Name, and that's what we do with close friends. I prefer being called Ms. First Name, which conveys respect but also doesn't make me feel 70 years old. With parents at school, it's Mr./Ms./Mrs. Last Name.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is an East Coast/West Coast/Southern thing, but on the West Coast, we called adults by their first name, except for teachers.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should have corrected the child, not the parent. "Can you please call me Ms. ABC? Thank you!"

Far more important than having children call you by the proper name is treating guests so that they feel welcome. Both parents here behaved badly, presumably for the children to witness.

You missed the forest for the trees.

[Anonymous]

What about from the "addressee's" perspective? I HATE being called Ms. Whatever. I ask everyone big and small to call me by my first name. I actually insist on it and find it very "respectful" when people oblige.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine, but I also think that everyone (adults and children) should respect the wishes of the person being addressed.

I plan to err on the side of formality when teaching my child how to address adults, but also expect that some people will invite him to call them by their first names and I will allow him to do so.

This is my view as well.

Mine too, except I personally prefer a more informal approach. All my neices and nephews call me by my first name, but I "cleared" that with their parents before the kids were born. My kids call their aunts and uncles by their first names as well. Otherwise, we err on the side of formality as well. Above all, they will call people what the people wish to be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:with an adult? I taught my children to address adults as, "Mr., Ms., Mrs, or Dr." With relatives they could call them "Aunt (first name)" or "Miss (first name)" I have an acquaintance who thinks this is silly and that children should be allowed to address adults as equals. She and her 6-yr daughter were at my house yesterday and 6-yr old called me by my first name. I told her mother that this was unacceptable and she should instruct her child to address me as "Mrs. ....". She was furious and said that her child was my equal and if I didn't like it that was just too bad and she left shortly thereafter. I hadn't invited her over so I wasn't at all upset but I will also never invite her to my house. We have neighbors who are in their late 70's and both my husband and I have always addressed them as "Mr. and Mrs." and I wouldn't dream of calling them by their first name.

How many of you think it is all right for a child to call adults by their first name?

Depends on the relationship. But, yes, we generally use first names. Respect comes from actions, not the name you call someone, imo.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who always makes kids address her "Mrs. Lastname, and I'm fine with that. I always made sure that my daughter addressed her that way. I, on the other hand, HATE being called "Mrs. Lastname" and I ask kids to use my first name with me. If they want to attach "Ms." to it, that's fine, but please don't call me "Mrs. Lastname". She insisted that her son use my proper name. I was not cool with that, so since she couldn't honor my request, then I stopped honoring hers. I told her that as soon as her son starts addressing me by my first name, my daughter will go back to addressing her by her last name. She agreed and now we are all happy.

[Anonymous]

So those of you who think what you call someone doesn't matter, do you call everyone by first name only? Doctor? Senator? Judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What drives me crazy is people who feel the need to give 'aunt and uncle' titles to everyone. To me, that should be reserved for your siblings only and MAYBE your very best friend. And it makes me even crazier when people bestow the title upon themselves and make the parents feel like they have to use that title for people who are NOT their aunts and uncles. Irritates the hell out of me!

This can be very cultural. Indian/Pakistani area call everyone Auntie and Uncle. Its what they're taught.