Do you allow your children to use first names

[Anonymous]

with an adult? I taught my children to address adults as, "Mr., Ms., Mrs, or Dr." With relatives they could call them "Aunt (first name)" or "Miss (first name)" I have an acquaintance who thinks this is silly and that children should be allowed to address adults as equals. She and her 6-yr daughter were at my house yesterday and 6-yr old called me by my first name. I told her mother that this was unacceptable and she should instruct her child to address me as "Mrs. ....". She was furious and said that her child was my equal and if I didn't like it that was just too bad and she left shortly thereafter. I hadn't invited her over so I wasn't at all upset but I will also never invite her to my house. We have neighbors who are in their late 70's and both my husband and I have always addressed them as "Mr. and Mrs." and I wouldn't dream of calling them by their first name.

How many of you think it is all right for a child to call adults by their first name?

[Anonymous]

No -- I really don't like it when my child's friends call me by my first name, and I tell my kids to use Mr./Ms. or, for close adults, Aunt or Miss ____.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the relationship. I prefer my daughter to use more formal titles, but with some of my close friends who prefer a different style, I have no problem with letting their children call me by my first name. (Sometimes they call me Miss Ann or just Ann.) And DC calls the more relaxed parents by their first names (or first and last names). But most young people do call me Mrs. X.

[Anonymous]

First, I think you were rude to a guest in your home. You could have indicated your preference for being called Mrs. So and So in a much more polite and less judgmental way. The child's mother was rude in return, and I don't agree that a child and adult are social equals, even if they are equally valued as fellow humans.

I was raised to always use proper titles with adults but most of my friends are more casual and use first names with children. My husband is southern, so we've settled on using Miss First Name or Mr. First Name. Also, DS is now at a private school in which all of the adults, including head of school, go my first names.

[Anonymous]

Equals!?!? Hmm...Hell no! They are children, they are NOT our equals. We wipe their hinnies, tell when to wake and sleep and teach them to use forks...NOT an equal relationship by any extent of the imagination.

With regard to calling adults by their first name - this is hard for me, because the only adults my child knows at this point are my and DH's family and CLOSE friends - all of whom insist DD call them by their first name.

When DD is old enough to have her own friends, I will INSIST she addresses them as Mr. Mrs. etc.

EQUALS!?!? Huh! That woman is nuts.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine, but I also think that everyone (adults and children) should respect the wishes of the person being addressed.

I plan to err on the side of formality when teaching my child how to address adults, but also expect that some people will invite him to call them by their first names and I will allow him to do so.

[Anonymous]

Close friends we tend to use first names (we try to confirm they are ok with that first though). Then there are a set of acquaintances/neighbors where I can barely remember last names so we generally either use "so and so's mom" or "Ms. first name"

[Anonymous]

I think it is proper etiquette for children to address adults by the proper salutation (Mr., Mrs. Miss, etc).

However, I do NOT make such a big deal over how other people raise their own kids (unless it is harmful). I can't believe you're not inviting this women and her child back over to your house over such a silly disagreement! Get over it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine, but I also think that everyone (adults and children) should respect the wishes of the person being addressed.

I plan to err on the side of formality when teaching my child how to address adults, but also expect that some people will invite him to call them by their first names and I will allow him to do so.

Spot on.

My daughter calls my friends Ms FirstName. Her teachers request the same. Obviously, her doctor is Dr. LastName. We don't encounter many non-friend adults, but I will try for Ms/ Mr./ Dr. LastName, when I know it. My friends' kids mostly do the same, although there are a few who call me Aunt, and a few who just use my name as-is, and that's fine too.

I'm all for getting riled up about stuff, but this isn't one of the issues that grates my cheese.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't care less what a child calls me as long as its not an insult. However, I will encourage my DS to say Ms. Firstname/Mr. Firstname when addressing people. I also think that how you addressed the situation in your house was rude, so I'm not surprised the lady was rude back to you. I would have been offended too.

As far as using last names....I'm on a first name basis with most of my neighbors so I wouldn't even know how to address them using their last names since I don't know half of them.

[Anonymous]

I don't know my neighbors' last names either. But most of the neighbors we're friendly with are older African Americans, and they are happy (pleasantly surprised, even) with my child calling them Ms/Mr. FirstName. No snooty status-conscious types on my street, thank heavens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:with an adult? I taught my children to address adults as, "Mr., Ms., Mrs, or Dr." With relatives they could call them "Aunt (first name)" or "Miss (first name)" I have an acquaintance who thinks this is silly and that children should be allowed to address adults as equals. She and her 6-yr daughter were at my house yesterday and 6-yr old called me by my first name. I told her mother that this was unacceptable and she should instruct her child to address me as "Mrs. ....". She was furious and said that her child was my equal and if I didn't like it that was just too bad and she left shortly thereafter. I hadn't invited her over so I wasn't at all upset but I will also never invite her to my house. We have neighbors who are in their late 70's and both my husband and I have always addressed them as "Mr. and Mrs." and I wouldn't dream of calling them by their first name.

How many of you think it is all right for a child to call adults by their first name?

We also have neighbors in their 70s, but I call them by their first names because that how they introduced themselves to my husband and me. However, my children call them Mr. and Mrs. X.

I agree with the PPs who said they they have their children err on the side of formality, but it's no big deal if an adult wants to be addressed by a first name.

[Anonymous]

I thought I was the only one who makes my children address adults Mr. or Mrs. Lastname!

Most of our friends allow their children to address adults by first name only. I feel sort of old-fashioned but won't let my kids do that. I prefer that other children to call me Mrs Lastname but I leave it up to their parents; I'm not going to correct a child (or his parent) if I'm addressed by my first name. I'm more concerned that my children address other adults in a way that I find deferential and respectful, and for me, that is the more formal Mr. / Mrs. Lastname.

[Anonymous]

We also have neighbors in their 70s, but I call them by their first names because that how they introduced themselves to my husband and me.

Did they say, "I'm Kate" or did they say "I'm Kate Armitage"?

The people of that generation I know would do the latter and expect to be addressed as "Mrs. Armitage." One does not give oneself a title, but other people should use the title unless asked not to. (Yes, hello, this is me, channeling the spirit of great aunts everywhere. Sit up straight.)

I expect my children to use titles unless instructed otherwise. I would never tell a guest to do a better job raising her child, though. I would feel comfortable telling a child that the house rule is that children do not address adults by their first names unless asked, and I hadn't asked, so would she rather call me Miss [First name] or Ms [Lastname]?

[Anonymous]

I actually really hate the "Ms. FirstName" approach. Just call me by my first name if you want to use this approach.

I would like to know at what age the "Ms. FirstName" or "Mr. FirstName" gets replaced with "Mrs.LastName" and "Mr. LastName". I understand that doing the former for preschool kids etc is easier for them but eventually that must change. Do teens for example still call their friends parents "Mrs. FirstName"?