Facing Feelings of Envy Towards Lucky Sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with all these "feelings" that one feels is that if it wasn't a "lucky" sibling, it'd be a lucky cousin or a friend or a friend-of-a-friend. At the end of the day, we do not all get what we want and/or other people have. The real problem for you is to start thinking in terms of some "invisible hand" that gave your sister more than to you ("she's a more deserving or a better person"). Your sister didn't turn your husband into an alcoholic or his family abusive or you having problems to conceive. You need to get out of your victim mentality. Or not and complain in 10 years about more things that go well for your "lucky" sister. If you were Kate Middleton's sister, you'd most likely already be dead from envy, even if she'd had her health setbacks.

Pippa married very, very well. A better example would be the siblings of Denmark’s Queen Mary, who appear to live ordinary lives in Australia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow I could be the “lucky” sister in this dynamic (down to the detail of expecting the second child) but minus the childhood trauma. What I wish my sister understood (and I hope you can OP - you seem at least willing to confront your jealousy) is that life is not a competition. Unchain yourself from the victim mentality - your life didn’t just “happen to you” - it’s the result of choices you made. Own them, and take control of your future instead of being jealous of others. There will always be someone with a “better” life/marriage/looks/money/kids.

Wow, so she "chose" the difficult pregnancy and alcoholic husband? People like you who punch down are really something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with all these "feelings" that one feels is that if it wasn't a "lucky" sibling, it'd be a lucky cousin or a friend or a friend-of-a-friend. At the end of the day, we do not all get what we want and/or other people have. The real problem for you is to start thinking in terms of some "invisible hand" that gave your sister more than to you ("she's a more deserving or a better person"). Your sister didn't turn your husband into an alcoholic or his family abusive or you having problems to conceive. You need to get out of your victim mentality. Or not and complain in 10 years about more things that go well for your "lucky" sister. If you were Kate Middleton's sister, you'd most likely already be dead from envy, even if she'd had her health setbacks.

Ha! I bet Kate Middleton is insanely jealous of her sister.

Her little sister married a super rich aristocrat for love and gets to live her life in luxury and privacy. Kate Middleton was routinely publicly humiliated by her boyfriend throughout her 20’s until she was the last woman standing. Their marriage looks cold and she has to live next door to a pedophile uncle. Her children will live in the same toxic dynamic that resulted in her husband’s estrangement with his only brother and her late mother in law’s death.

Sure, someday she’ll be queen and get to play dress up with real jewels and crowns. (If the monarchy lasts that long)

Pippa is the lucky sister in this scenario — and the only reason Pippa had access to this lifestyle is because of Kate’s connections. Kate’s parents and her siblings are living a life they could never have imagined without Kate’s enduring humiliation and cold marriage. I bet Kate is green with envy.

Kate did "win" golden-child status in her family, though, and her mother's laser-focussed attention and Kate and her royal children. Pippa probably resents that, and there's a lot of speculation about why Pippa was in Mustique during Kate's surgery, etc. But yes, Pippa is living her best life now, with her own family, her big country house, and a husband who treats her well.

[Anonymous]

Is this a repeat troll? We've had three of these posts in the last few days.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are the choices you've made that you're really happy with? Learn to appreciate your choices and to respect the person you were when you made them. You've got a $150k job, for starters! You're not dependent on someone else for income or a roof over your head. You have the freedom to spend your money on yourself as you like--take some international vacations, treat yourself to a designer outfit (but don't spend all your retirement savings), write that novel in your spare time.

On a separate note. If I had a dollar for every time my own younger sister claimed I was jealous of her, I'd be rich. The only reason my sister and her husband have more money than us is because they decided not to have kids, which meant she doesn't have to work and spends her days cooking for him (red meat every day and twice on Sundays, also he hates vegetables and cheese, go figure), telling him how wonderful he is, and reminding the rest of us that he's a doctor (my husband the doctor had some patients who left their chicken on the counter to defrost like you're doing...). I wouldn't trade places with her for all the money they saved not putting kids through school and college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lets just say I have a younger sister whose life is a phantom of the life I had wanted and worked very hard for but that it blew up in my face disastrously over the past 5 years. We both grew up in financial strife and were both parentified and spent a lot of our younger life spending a lot of time and emotional labor on our family of origin. We also spent a lot of money we did not have on our other siblings.

She met and married a wonderful guy who in addition to being madly in love with her is set to inherit multimillions from his wealthy family. Her in laws are rich but also kind and generous. They truly love her and bring love and stability into her life that we did not really have growing up. She already has one beautiful child and is pregnant with her second; pregnant at first try with easiest pregnancies ever. They are now looking to buy million dollar house for their growing family. Every special occasion her in laws and husband shower her with so many presents, in addition to multiple trips a year.

Her life is a stark contrast to mine. I do fine for myself. I live in a safe clean apartment. I have a job making 150k. I was married but unlike her I almost died trying to get pregnant and my husband was an alcoholic who serially cheated on me and his family emotionally abused me. I am a shell of a person.

Its really really hard not to be triggered by my sister and her good luck and her perfect life. I am green with envy and it is increasingly hard to be around her. I feel like a total loser and less than. Like somehow she must be more deserving or a better person than I that she gets to live the 1% version of the American dream.

I didn’t think this at all until I read 7 or 8 of your identical posts. You never, ever say you’re happy for her and just wish that you could have some of these same experiences too. You never, ever post about your misfortune without mentioning her good fortune. THEY AREN’T RELATED IN ANY WAY. Life isn’t a zero sum game. She’s not doing “better” at your expense. Her happy outcomes haven’t cost you anything. Have you ever thought about how hard she worked on herself to process and heal from childhood trauma? Wondered how she built a healthy relationship with a solid family man? It completely sucks that you had multiple ectopic pregnancies and lost both of your fallopian tubes. That’s sh!tty luck. You did nothing wrong there, and it’s not fair. You are entitled to be heartbroken over that. However, you always blame your ex and say he stole your fertility. He didn’t cause your pregnancies to be ectopic either. You just have fertility issues that are no one’s fault.

Things will never improve until you let go of the past, live in the present, plan for the future, and focus on what you can do to improve your life. Stop stewing on all the same old sh!t, day in and day out, and reliving your lowest points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lets just say I have a younger sister whose life is a phantom of the life I had wanted and worked very hard for but that it blew up in my face disastrously over the past 5 years. We both grew up in financial strife and were both parentified and spent a lot of our younger life spending a lot of time and emotional labor on our family of origin. We also spent a lot of money we did not have on our other siblings.

She met and married a wonderful guy who in addition to being madly in love with her is set to inherit multimillions from his wealthy family. Her in laws are rich but also kind and generous. They truly love her and bring love and stability into her life that we did not really have growing up. She already has one beautiful child and is pregnant with her second; pregnant at first try with easiest pregnancies ever. They are now looking to buy million dollar house for their growing family. Every special occasion her in laws and husband shower her with so many presents, in addition to multiple trips a year.

Her life is a stark contrast to mine. I do fine for myself. I live in a safe clean apartment. I have a job making 150k. I was married but unlike her I almost died trying to get pregnant and my husband was an alcoholic who serially cheated on me and his family emotionally abused me. I am a shell of a person.

Its really really hard not to be triggered by my sister and her good luck and her perfect life. I am green with envy and it is increasingly hard to be around her. I feel like a total loser and less than. Like somehow she must be more deserving or a better person than I that she gets to live the 1% version of the American dream.

You are only human, feeling envy doesn't mean you aren't happy and relieved that she is doing better and you don't have another reason to worry or another burden to carry. Don't be so tough on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This exact topic pops up at least once a year. Always a rich younger sister with perfect husband.

My younger sister was always much better looking and our whole family assumed she’d marry someone rich while I’d be lucky to find any takers. Turns out I’m very successful with a great marriage and family. She and her husband struggle financially and are heading toward divorce.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be honest… people who are envious have bad energy, a bad vibe or aura, whatever you want to call it. And I really do believe that having an envious demeanor shows in interactions and ends up resulting in worse outcomes for that person, because negativity attracts more negativity.

I think the only way out of it is to be happy for your sister and truly believe you deserve love and happiness and peace. Not because she got it, or because she got it first or more of it, but because you are worthy. When you have the energy of someone peaceful, content, loving, joyful, abundant, you attract others into your life with the same energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the choices you've made that you're really happy with? Learn to appreciate your choices and to respect the person you were when you made them. You've got a $150k job, for starters! You're not dependent on someone else for income or a roof over your head. You have the freedom to spend your money on yourself as you like--take some international vacations, treat yourself to a designer outfit (but don't spend all your retirement savings), write that novel in your spare time.

On a separate note. If I had a dollar for every time my own younger sister claimed I was jealous of her, I'd be rich. The only reason my sister and her husband have more money than us is because they decided not to have kids, which meant she doesn't have to work and spends her days cooking for him (red meat every day and twice on Sundays, also he hates vegetables and cheese, go figure), telling him how wonderful he is, and reminding the rest of us that he's a doctor (my husband the doctor had some patients who left their chicken on the counter to defrost like you're doing...). I wouldn't trade places with her for all the money they saved not putting kids through school and college.

+1 rather have the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This exact topic pops up at least once a year. Always a rich younger sister with perfect husband.

Same thread earlier this week. Tiring.

Stop downing this woman on her copycat thread. She obviously wants everything everybody else has and will be jealous of the other thread posters then beat herself down for that as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I could be the “lucky” sister in this dynamic (down to the detail of expecting the second child) but minus the childhood trauma. What I wish my sister understood (and I hope you can OP - you seem at least willing to confront your jealousy) is that life is not a competition. Unchain yourself from the victim mentality - your life didn’t just “happen to you” - it’s the result of choices you made. Own them, and take control of your future instead of being jealous of others. There will always be someone with a “better” life/marriage/looks/money/kids.

Wow, so she "chose" the difficult pregnancy and alcoholic husband? People like you who punch down are really something.

Op here. This here is what really hurts me. I chose what I thought was a well educated UMC professional who declared that he loved me and proposed to me. At the time he seemed like a catch and was madly in love with me. His addiction issues became more obvious over the years.

I also do not drink or smoke or party. There was no reason for me to have reproductive health issues that almost killed me.

These were pure bad luck.

My sister also married an UMC professional who turned out to actually be a great guy and husband and she is very fertile!

This is pure good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lets just say I have a younger sister whose life is a phantom of the life I had wanted and worked very hard for but that it blew up in my face disastrously over the past 5 years. We both grew up in financial strife and were both parentified and spent a lot of our younger life spending a lot of time and emotional labor on our family of origin. We also spent a lot of money we did not have on our other siblings.

She met and married a wonderful guy who in addition to being madly in love with her is set to inherit multimillions from his wealthy family. Her in laws are rich but also kind and generous. They truly love her and bring love and stability into her life that we did not really have growing up. She already has one beautiful child and is pregnant with her second; pregnant at first try with easiest pregnancies ever. They are now looking to buy million dollar house for their growing family. Every special occasion her in laws and husband shower her with so many presents, in addition to multiple trips a year.

Her life is a stark contrast to mine. I do fine for myself. I live in a safe clean apartment. I have a job making 150k. I was married but unlike her I almost died trying to get pregnant and my husband was an alcoholic who serially cheated on me and his family emotionally abused me. I am a shell of a person.

Its really really hard not to be triggered by my sister and her good luck and her perfect life. I am green with envy and it is increasingly hard to be around her. I feel like a total loser and less than. Like somehow she must be more deserving or a better person than I that she gets to live the 1% version of the American dream.

You are only human, feeling envy doesn't mean you aren't happy and relieved that she is doing better and you don't have another reason to worry or another burden to carry. Don't be so tough on yourself.

Op here. Of course. I love my sister and I’m happy for her and I love my niece and my brother in law. I’m lucky to have them in my life! And this so nice to see my sibling do really well and break the generational trauma of poverty.

It’s also really hard to see her literally live the life I wanted, too!!! I deserved a happy ending too! I made good choices, I worked on my trauma, I worked really hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:





Is this a repeat troll? We've had three of these posts in the last few days.

Yes. And from the looks of the comments on this thread, the troll is succeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:





Is this a repeat troll? We've had three of these posts in the last few days.

Yes, it is. And they have a few other trolly threads going at the moment. Entertaining if you treat them as fiction.