Blended Family College Tour

[Anonymous]

If you're feeling this way about something as minor as having to sit together, this family is not blended. Why did you marry into this situation?

It's not going to end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blended family, two sets of step parents. Kiddo is going to admitted students day 5 hours away. Plan was to accompany kiddo there and then split off into student/parent sessions. Now we find out the other set of parents are also attending. They already visited the school and this is our first time. Is it rude that we don't want to spend time together as a group? We rather do this without them... we think it's slightly embarrassing our 17 year old will have an entire cheering section there. We don't want to bow out because we've yet to see the school, but kiddo sees no issue with it so we dropped it.

When will it end? They're so overbearing.

Dropped what with whom? Were you complaining about them to your kid? No bueno.

Right? Why would you complain to the kid about their other set of parents being supportive?

[Anonymous]

I agree it would be weird to have a cheering section. The answer is to refrain from cheering, just sit in your seats quietly.

It seems like you want to have a traditional parenting experience by excluding the other adults and pretending that you are the only parents and the child hasn't been burdened with divorce and two remarriages. But the child will always feel put in the middle and pressured to choose, or be missing one or the other parent.

I was this child and I refused to sit with either set of parents at all. I just explored the campus on my own l all day. Let them fight it out without me. Whenever the divorce is any sort of drama or hassle for me, I avoid and opt out. And I deeply, deeply resent whoever is causing the problem. Just STFU, sit wherever you want, and stop making it a thing. I didn't choose this situation, they did.

[Anonymous]

If you can be a normal, reasonable, unemotional human being around your ex and his/her new partner then you should all go. Neither of you should have to avoid a milestone because of your discomfort. It's not about you.

My son was in a fraternity and I was at one of the parties and met one of his frat brother's mom and step-dad and his dad and step-mom at the party. They were standing around together talking and it was not uncomfortable to anyone. That's how you should do it- there are going to be a lot more events.

[Anonymous]

Only the parents should be there, no steps. Frankly most tours etc only allow potential student and 1 parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blended family, two sets of step parents. Kiddo is going to admitted students day 5 hours away. Plan was to accompany kiddo there and then split off into student/parent sessions. Now we find out the other set of parents are also attending. They already visited the school and this is our first time. Is it rude that we don't want to spend time together as a group? We rather do this without them... we think it's slightly embarrassing our 17 year old will have an entire cheering section there. We don't want to bow out because we've yet to see the school, but kiddo sees no issue with it so we dropped it.

When will it end? They're so overbearing.

Dropped what with whom? Were you complaining about them to your kid? No bueno.

Right? Why would you complain to the kid about their other set of parents being supportive?

No wonder the poor kiddo is "struggling".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s embarrassing is your repeated use of “kiddo.”

Side comment:

I cringe when I hear parents refer to their kids as "kiddos" or even worse "littles". So glad my kids left the nest before these terms became popular.

However, it's usually used to refer to younger kids, certainly below High School. Calling a STB college Freshman "kiddo" is so embarrassing. Don't use that term during the college tour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blended family, two sets of step parents. Kiddo is going to admitted students day 5 hours away. Plan was to accompany kiddo there and then split off into student/parent sessions. Now we find out the other set of parents are also attending. They already visited the school and this is our first time. Is it rude that we don't want to spend time together as a group?We rather do this without them... we think it's slightly embarrassing our 17 year old will have an entire cheering section there. We don't want to bow out because we've yet to see the school, but kiddo sees no issue with it so we dropped it.

When will it end? They're so overbearing.

One of each couple is the parent to this child, they and their new spouses need to step up and be on team kid and stop the infighting. This should not be a competition between ex spouses. If your child sees no issue, it is not embarrassing for them. Let the admitted student call the shots and go with the flow. Congratulations to your student!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only the parents should be there, no steps. Frankly most tours etc only allow potential student and 1 parent.

no, they don’t

[Anonymous]

Why are all the steps going? It should be the parents attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are all the steps going? It should be the parents attending.

It should be the bill payers. Whoever they are. If steps are putting $ in (not $ by marital halfsies) and want to see if it's worth it, that's fair.

The point is to decide if it's the right place for the kid, not to coo over sweatshirts and ogle the grounds.

Admitted students day is for decision-making not parental nostalgia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blended family, two sets of step parents. Kiddo is going to admitted students day 5 hours away. Plan was to accompany kiddo there and then split off into student/parent sessions. Now we find out the other set of parents are also attending. They already visited the school and this is our first time. Is it rude that we don't want to spend time together as a group? We rather do this without them... we think it's slightly embarrassing our 17 year old will have an entire cheering section there. We don't want to bow out because we've yet to see the school, but kiddo sees no issue with it so we dropped it.

When will it end? They're so overbearing.

Dropped what with whom? Were you complaining about them to your kid? No bueno.

Right? Why would you complain to the kid about their other set of parents being supportive?

Beacause OP is the stepmom and mad that actual mom is showing up and ruining her perfect blended family fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom here. You are rude that you aren’t recognizing these people at equally as related to the child as you and your spouse are. Tons of college kids have divorced parents. Big tent this situation more support for a kid can be a net positive if you let it.

To date, it hasn't been net positive. Kid is struggling to be independent and is struggling with maturity.

Maybe kid would be more independent if four people weren't helicoptering Admitted STUDENTS Day.

I missed this the first time. This commenter has a point.

Usually everything they tell you cam be looked up on the web.

[Anonymous]

What does the nearly-adult child want? Ask them.

When my dc had admitted students day, there were all sorts of family structures there (grandparents, ect) and no ones cares.

[Anonymous]

Are they really overbearing? Or do they just want to do what normal parents do, which is attending admitted students day? There is no rule that you have to divide up all the events and can never both be there. I would think they're trying to do what they think is normal.

And it's not Insecure, Territorial Stepmothers' Day. It's for the students and parents don't have to come at all.