Twins. Does anyone have a set where life just comes easier to one than to the other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was just some piece about how an identical twin's lawyer tried to pin a rape on his brother who lives in a different state and who has tried to distance himself from his twin for years.

Then the other one from maybe the 90s where the screw-up identical twin tried to kill her twin who was a medical school student and take over her identity.

Another really recent one where identical twins beat their mother to death or something, and the Kray twins from the 1950s.

Won't get into the Winklevii but they are also probably serious sociopaths.

Are you sure you're not recounting an episode of Law & Order SVU?

[Anonymous]

One of the worst thing a parent can do is to compare siblings, whether singles, twins or multiples. Its unhealthy, breeds resentment for the parent and for each other. Let kids be their best selves, they don't need to compete with their sibling or twin or triplet. Everyone is their own person and have their own path. They don't to be each other's shadow, copy or keeper.

[Anonymous]

More successful twin probably resent you for never being fully happy for him because you were too busy mourning other twin not doing equally well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone part of a set of twins or have a set where things seem to work out for one but not the other?
I have twins who are 20. One has been on a streak for about 2 years where life is just working out for them. The other one is struggling. It really has nothing to do with their effort or work and is truly just been the luck of the draw.

The first one got into their dream college, was asked out by and is dating a great person, has a great friend group. The other got rejected from their dream school, ended up with pretty crappy options, has been rejected or ignored romantically, had struggled making friends due to just not finding their people at college despite getting involved in many things. I am so proud of this second twin because they just keep plodding along but it has been one of the hardest things to watch as a parent. My heart aches for this kid.

Perhaps your binary thinking is part of the problem. Why is it "dream school or crappy option"? There are SO MANY colleges that will serve your kid's needs really well that are not crappy. The idea of a dream school is silly and sets high school kids up for failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone part of a set of twins or have a set where things seem to work out for one but not the other?
I have twins who are 20. One has been on a streak for about 2 years where life is just working out for them. The other one is struggling. It really has nothing to do with their effort or work and is truly just been the luck of the draw.

The first one got into their dream college, was asked out by and is dating a great person, has a great friend group. The other got rejected from their dream school, ended up with pretty crappy options, has been rejected or ignored romantically, had struggled making friends due to just not finding their people at college despite getting involved in many things. I am so proud of this second twin because they just keep plodding along but it has been one of the hardest things to watch as a parent. My heart aches for this kid.

Perhaps your binary thinking is part of the problem. Why is it "dream school or crappy option"? There are SO MANY colleges that will serve your kid's needs really well that are not crappy. The idea of a dream school is silly and sets high school kids up for failure.

+1. Your second twin has the opportunity to learn so many valuable life lessons early. Your heart should be happy about this instead of aching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will assume they are not identical twins.
He should learn social skills from the successful twin.

Are you joking?

[Anonymous]

They are 20. They have barely started their lives. It is far too soon to suggest that one of them is “winning” and the other is “losing”.

[Anonymous]

It’s life. My twins are 23 now, went to the same college but had completely different experiences. One left in tears because it wasn’t the experience they wanted, the other is still good friends with all their friends and has a SO.

I will say, both are kicking butt and taking names in the work world. It’s been rough with the twin that had a bad college experience but they seem to be turning things around now. I will say that twin was the more socially successful in HS. It ebbs and flows I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this with the "older" twin or Twin A.

I am an identical twin. My late twin brother found things "easier" - the older twin. He ranked third nationally in high school track and field. I was sixth. He was a straight A student; I had a few B's. He was an NCAA D1 All American; I was merely a finalist. He was Phi Beta Kappa in math (4.0), I was merely a magna cum laude honors graduate (albeit at a more competitive school). Oddly, I did better on standardized tests. I was a better rule follower. We both did very well in top flight graduate schools, about as well as possible. We were entirely on our since 18, incurred no student loan debt and shared an interest in wisely managing money. I do very well in my career but he earned generational wealth.

In my home (parents were not educated) I was the far lesser twin, beaten for being fat dumb and lazy and constantly called the same. It was a blessing my father abandoned us at 15, although money was tight and my mother in response developed a drug and alcohol addiction. In a sense my brother and I raised each other. It hurt to be treated badly as the lesser twin (I spent my youth with my head staring at the floor) but I was bright enough to see my father's intense hatred for me was driven by his insecurity and by my far more laid back personality, similar to my mother and her father (a pro football player and a humble nice guy). I am grateful for that personality as it has kept me healthy. I stayed close to my mother through her struggles because she needed love and support, as inadequate as it was in my 20's. My brother did not as he feared that she would drag him down - a legitimate fear as I struggled with it too. We did what we were capable of doing.

Through dumb luck I always had a voice in my head that I was pretty good at what I did and I was just fine walking my own path. My wife comments that never once did I show any resentment or jealousy of any kind towards my brother - not once. I was proud of him, even though he could be a very difficult guy. I often helped set his boundaries because he was not inclined to set them all that well himself. What a wonderful purpose for me in life.

I may not have achieved much in this world, but my best accomplishment was supporting my brother, without resentment, without jealousy and with a deep sense of confidence in our instinct to look out for each other. I am not religious, but something was right with the world making me a twin. It has been the best purpose ever.

This is beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss! You were a great brother to him!