Twins. Does anyone have a set where life just comes easier to one than to the other?

[Anonymous]

Anyone part of a set of twins or have a set where things seem to work out for one but not the other?
I have twins who are 20. One has been on a streak for about 2 years where life is just working out for them. The other one is struggling. It really has nothing to do with their effort or work and is truly just been the luck of the draw.

The first one got into their dream college, was asked out by and is dating a great person, has a great friend group. The other got rejected from their dream school, ended up with pretty crappy options, has been rejected or ignored romantically, had struggled making friends due to just not finding their people at college despite getting involved in many things. I am so proud of this second twin because they just keep plodding along but it has been one of the hardest things to watch as a parent. My heart aches for this kid.

[Anonymous]

Does how life is . Soon he is going to find compatible people and he will find someone who will love him. He is very young. I am a mother of two boys and a girl and I totally understand your feelings.

[Anonymous]

I will assume they are not identical twins.
He should learn social skills from the successful twin.

[Anonymous]

Weird. I thought twins were copies of the same person

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have identical twins and things are always easier for one over the other. No advice - just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Just because they were born at the same time, doesn't mean their lives are going to have identical timelines. Do encourage but don't compare and for sure don't minimize success or happiness of one twin to make other feel better.

[Anonymous]

There was just some piece about how an identical twin's lawyer tried to pin a rape on his brother who lives in a different state and who has tried to distance himself from his twin for years.

Then the other one from maybe the 90s where the screw-up identical twin tried to kill her twin who was a medical school student and take over her identity.

Another really recent one where identical twins beat their mother to death or something, and the Kray twins from the 1950s.

Won't get into the Winklevii but they are also probably serious sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was just some piece about how an identical twin's lawyer tried to pin a rape on his brother who lives in a different state and who has tried to distance himself from his twin for years.

Then the other one from maybe the 90s where the screw-up identical twin tried to kill her twin who was a medical school student and take over her identity.

Another really recent one where identical twins beat their mother to death or something, and the Kray twins from the 1950s.

Won't get into the Winklevii but they are also probably serious sociopaths.

How is this helpful?
I have twins, and they both have areas where they excel in times where they excel more. What’s interesting is both twins are jealous of each other for the same thing. Like my outgoing twin is jealous of my shy twin for being able to contain her emotions, and my shy twin is jealous of her outgoing sister for being more gregarious. It helps when we all talk about our insecurities together because they realize that nobody is perfect and everybody has struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird. I thought twins were copies of the same person

Try science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was just some piece about how an identical twin's lawyer tried to pin a rape on his brother who lives in a different state and who has tried to distance himself from his twin for years.

Then the other one from maybe the 90s where the screw-up identical twin tried to kill her twin who was a medical school student and take over her identity.

Another really recent one where identical twins beat their mother to death or something, and the Kray twins from the 1950s.

Won't get into the Winklevii but they are also probably serious sociopaths.

This reminds me of stray aanecdotes about adoptees.

Random and useless , but help perpetuate stigmas about groups of people you think of as “other.”

Guess what, most people who commit the crimes you listed are not twins. They are not adopted. They are much more like you.

[Anonymous]

I've noticed this with the "older" twin or Twin A.

[Anonymous]

If you’re talking non-identical twins, then this really isn’t any different than asking about any two other siblings. Yes, one of my kids just seems to have an unbelievably easy time in all things — even things where he should struggle.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my fraternal twin and me.

He's 6', I'm 5, 4".
He's always been an athlete, I was born with twisted legs and, after an accident, I became disabled (but fully functioning).
He's always landed prestigious, well paying jobs. I struggled professionally even after graduate school.
He's always had beautiful girlfriends, I usually met expectations of a 5' 4" man with twisted legs and who was struggling professionally.

We are in our 50's now, we both have professional, high-payinng positions, and I earn about $100,000 more.
He's on his second marriage, and I'm still married to a real beaut who I met later in life.
Your children will be fine ... one is just going to have to work harder, which is fine too.

[Anonymous]

I know identical twins, one of whom has had way more behavioral issues than the other. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this with the "older" twin or Twin A.

I am an identical twin. My late twin brother found things "easier" - the older twin. He ranked third nationally in high school track and field. I was sixth. He was a straight A student; I had a few B's. He was an NCAA D1 All American; I was merely a finalist. He was Phi Beta Kappa in math (4.0), I was merely a magna cum laude honors graduate (albeit at a more competitive school). Oddly, I did better on standardized tests. I was a better rule follower. We both did very well in top flight graduate schools, about as well as possible. We were entirely on our since 18, incurred no student loan debt and shared an interest in wisely managing money. I do very well in my career but he earned generational wealth.

In my home (parents were not educated) I was the far lesser twin, beaten for being fat dumb and lazy and constantly called the same. It was a blessing my father abandoned us at 15, although money was tight and my mother in response developed a drug and alcohol addiction. In a sense my brother and I raised each other. It hurt to be treated badly as the lesser twin (I spent my youth with my head staring at the floor) but I was bright enough to see my father's intense hatred for me was driven by his insecurity and by my far more laid back personality, similar to my mother and her father (a pro football player and a humble nice guy). I am grateful for that personality as it has kept me healthy. I stayed close to my mother through her struggles because she needed love and support, as inadequate as it was in my 20's. My brother did not as he feared that she would drag him down - a legitimate fear as I struggled with it too. We did what we were capable of doing.

Through dumb luck I always had a voice in my head that I was pretty good at what I did and I was just fine walking my own path. My wife comments that never once did I show any resentment or jealousy of any kind towards my brother - not once. I was proud of him, even though he could be a very difficult guy. I often helped set his boundaries because he was not inclined to set them all that well himself. What a wonderful purpose for me in life.

I may not have achieved much in this world, but my best accomplishment was supporting my brother, without resentment, without jealousy and with a deep sense of confidence in our instinct to look out for each other. I am not religious, but something was right with the world making me a twin. It has been the best purpose ever.