What would you do if your college kid was like this

[Anonymous]

My college kid is like this. I drop a seed here and there that I hope will sprout, but maybe it won’t. I work really hard at biting my tongue and letting them be who they are. I try not to compare the path other people’s kids are on to my own. I am the captain of their cheer team. Connection has proved to be more important than course correction. But I’m not saying any of it is easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, there are coaches who work with kids on job searches if you have the $. This could be good executive function training for your kid.

Genuine question: what is the difference between hiring a coach to work with your child vs. you as the parent try to help guide and support them? I have excellent executive function and if my child does not, what would be wrong with my working to advise and guide my child just as a coach would?

Ideally, in my opinion an executive function coach would work with the child with ADHD to find strategies and motivations that work specifically for them. Maybe you can do this and, with research, successfully provide such guidance yourself.

Sometimes a parent’s approach might be “Here’s how I do it successfully and if you follow my advice it will work for you too,” which may not be the case. This can result in a frustration and resentment from both parties, along with shame and embarrassment for your child.

My child with ADHD is neurodivergent and I am not. I have excellent executive function skills (use multiple apps, lists, etc.) but am neurotypical. My strategies and approaches don’t work for her. Thus she has a coach.

Fit is very important, though.

[Anonymous]

Could some please recommend a EF coach for my college kid?

The other day I saw a video of a race between a giant tortoise and a bunny. It instantly reminded me of my kid - who is obviously the bunny who has great speed but is constantly distracted. Sigh!

[Anonymous]

I think you need to let your kid be and not micromanage this, ADHD or not. He’s doing great! Maybe he gets an internship or job and maybe he doesn’t. You know his grades and he’s still keeping you very informed of his day to day life. That’s amazing.

We are one year behind you with a senior. He has come SO far and we have completely dropped the rope on everything because he will be leaving in a few months for college. He quit his part time job and is completely “locked in” to this super involved project he started in the house. He’s proud of it and spending so much time on it.

But DH and I are like, what happened to the job and saving money for college? We remind ourselves how far he’s come, grades are good, he can cook and clean and do basic laundry so we are calling it a win.

So let your high achieving college kid be and be thankful he’s doing so well!

[Anonymous]

Internships are very difficult at this time. Mine applied and none were available. He returned to a summer job that he has for the last three years. It pays very well but not in his major.
He also has ADHD that he manages on his own. He no longer takes medication since 12th grade. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college kid is like this. I drop a seed here and there that I hope will sprout, but maybe it won’t. I work really hard at biting my tongue and letting them be who they are. I try not to compare the path other people’s kids are on to my own. I am the captain of their cheer team. Connection has proved to be more important than course correction. But I’m not saying any of it is easy.

Appreciate this!

OP if your kid wants to apply for internships, they will do it and if they don’t but wanted to, they will experience a natural consequence and make a course correction on their own. It’s the only way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this, but here it is. Feel free to delete it or move it as you see fit.

We have a great kid—curious, kind, and genuinely loves learning. They’ve always been strong academically, especially in math and public policy, and they care deeply about the environment. They also value their friendships and enjoy being around people.

At the same time, they’ve been navigating ADHD and some depression in college. The depression is under control now, which we’re very grateful for, but ADHD continues to make certain things—especially getting started on tasks and following through—much harder than it might appear from the outside.

The biggest challenge isn’t ability—it’s initiation. Once they get going, they do very well. With accommodations and support, their grades have been solid. In fact, they routinely score 100/100 on college math exams, which still amazes us. They’re also the captain of their mock trial team at a top academic college, and on weekends they create and sell street art, donating most of what they earn to charity. There’s a lot to be proud of.

But when it comes to planning ahead—especially things like internships—it’s a different story. Last year, they found a part-time summer job at a law firm at the last minute, sometime in May. This year, they haven’t really started looking, or at least haven’t been able to fully engage in the process.

We understand that internships are increasingly competitive, and we don’t see it as a failure if they don’t secure one this summer. We’d be perfectly happy if they stayed home, spent time with friends, traveled a bit, and maybe volunteered with organizations they care about. We can always help them put together a meaningful summer.

At the same time, we wonder if we should be encouraging them more actively to pursue something related to their interests—something that could help build toward a future career—or if it’s better to step back and let them find their own pace.

They’ve said, half-jokingly, “I could rule the world without ADHD.” And honestly, we see what they mean—the potential is clearly there. But the reality is that they’re taking things day by day, without much long-term planning right now.

As parents, we’re trying to figure out where the balance is—between supporting, nudging, and simply accepting where they are. What would you do?

What’s with the they? You don’t want to say if it’s a male or female so we can’t figure out who it is?

[Anonymous]

Can’t they just work at the same firm as last summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this, but here it is. Feel free to delete it or move it as you see fit.

We have a great kid—curious, kind, and genuinely loves learning. They’ve always been strong academically, especially in math and public policy, and they care deeply about the environment. They also value their friendships and enjoy being around people.

At the same time, they’ve been navigating ADHD and some depression in college. The depression is under control now, which we’re very grateful for, but ADHD continues to make certain things—especially getting started on tasks and following through—much harder than it might appear from the outside.

The biggest challenge isn’t ability—it’s initiation. Once they get going, they do very well. With accommodations and support, their grades have been solid. In fact, they routinely score 100/100 on college math exams, which still amazes us. They’re also the captain of their mock trial team at a top academic college, and on weekends they create and sell street art, donating most of what they earn to charity. There’s a lot to be proud of.

But when it comes to planning ahead—especially things like internships—it’s a different story. Last year, they found a part-time summer job at a law firm at the last minute, sometime in May. This year, they haven’t really started looking, or at least haven’t been able to fully engage in the process.

We understand that internships are increasingly competitive, and we don’t see it as a failure if they don’t secure one this summer. We’d be perfectly happy if they stayed home, spent time with friends, traveled a bit, and maybe volunteered with organizations they care about. We can always help them put together a meaningful summer.

At the same time, we wonder if we should be encouraging them more actively to pursue something related to their interests—something that could help build toward a future career—or if it’s better to step back and let them find their own pace.

They’ve said, half-jokingly, “I could rule the world without ADHD.” And honestly, we see what they mean—the potential is clearly there. But the reality is that they’re taking things day by day, without much long-term planning right now.

As parents, we’re trying to figure out where the balance is—between supporting, nudging, and simply accepting where they are. What would you do?

What’s with the they? You don’t want to say if it’s a male or female so we can’t figure out who it is?

Or maybe that’s their preferred pronouns. Either way, why do you care??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this, but here it is. Feel free to delete it or move it as you see fit.

We have a great kid—curious, kind, and genuinely loves learning. They’ve always been strong academically, especially in math and public policy, and they care deeply about the environment. They also value their friendships and enjoy being around people.

At the same time, they’ve been navigating ADHD and some depression in college. The depression is under control now, which we’re very grateful for, but ADHD continues to make certain things—especially getting started on tasks and following through—much harder than it might appear from the outside.

The biggest challenge isn’t ability—it’s initiation. Once they get going, they do very well. With accommodations and support, their grades have been solid. In fact, they routinely score 100/100 on college math exams, which still amazes us. They’re also the captain of their mock trial team at a top academic college, and on weekends they create and sell street art, donating most of what they earn to charity. There’s a lot to be proud of.

But when it comes to planning ahead—especially things like internships—it’s a different story. Last year, they found a part-time summer job at a law firm at the last minute, sometime in May. This year, they haven’t really started looking, or at least haven’t been able to fully engage in the process.

We understand that internships are increasingly competitive, and we don’t see it as a failure if they don’t secure one this summer. We’d be perfectly happy if they stayed home, spent time with friends, traveled a bit, and maybe volunteered with organizations they care about. We can always help them put together a meaningful summer.

At the same time, we wonder if we should be encouraging them more actively to pursue something related to their interests—something that could help build toward a future career—or if it’s better to step back and let them find their own pace.

They’ve said, half-jokingly, “I could rule the world without ADHD.” And honestly, we see what they mean—the potential is clearly there. But the reality is that they’re taking things day by day, without much long-term planning right now.

As parents, we’re trying to figure out where the balance is—between supporting, nudging, and simply accepting where they are. What would you do?

What’s with the they? You don’t want to say if it’s a male or female so we can’t figure out who it is?

Or maybe that’s their preferred pronouns. Either way, why do you care??

It’s difficult to read and a distraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this, but here it is. Feel free to delete it or move it as you see fit.

We have a great kid—curious, kind, and genuinely loves learning. They’ve always been strong academically, especially in math and public policy, and they care deeply about the environment. They also value their friendships and enjoy being around people.

At the same time, they’ve been navigating ADHD and some depression in college. The depression is under control now, which we’re very grateful for, but ADHD continues to make certain things—especially getting started on tasks and following through—much harder than it might appear from the outside.

The biggest challenge isn’t ability—it’s initiation. Once they get going, they do very well. With accommodations and support, their grades have been solid. In fact, they routinely score 100/100 on college math exams, which still amazes us. They’re also the captain of their mock trial team at a top academic college, and on weekends they create and sell street art, donating most of what they earn to charity. There’s a lot to be proud of.

But when it comes to planning ahead—especially things like internships—it’s a different story. Last year, they found a part-time summer job at a law firm at the last minute, sometime in May. This year, they haven’t really started looking, or at least haven’t been able to fully engage in the process.

We understand that internships are increasingly competitive, and we don’t see it as a failure if they don’t secure one this summer. We’d be perfectly happy if they stayed home, spent time with friends, traveled a bit, and maybe volunteered with organizations they care about. We can always help them put together a meaningful summer.

At the same time, we wonder if we should be encouraging them more actively to pursue something related to their interests—something that could help build toward a future career—or if it’s better to step back and let them find their own pace.

They’ve said, half-jokingly, “I could rule the world without ADHD.” And honestly, we see what they mean—the potential is clearly there. But the reality is that they’re taking things day by day, without much long-term planning right now.

As parents, we’re trying to figure out where the balance is—between supporting, nudging, and simply accepting where they are. What would you do?

What’s with the they? You don’t want to say if it’s a male or female so we can’t figure out who it is?

Or maybe that’s their preferred pronouns. Either way, why do you care??

2 genders either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this, but here it is. Feel free to delete it or move it as you see fit.

We have a great kid—curious, kind, and genuinely loves learning. They’ve always been strong academically, especially in math and public policy, and they care deeply about the environment. They also value their friendships and enjoy being around people.

At the same time, they’ve been navigating ADHD and some depression in college. The depression is under control now, which we’re very grateful for, but ADHD continues to make certain things—especially getting started on tasks and following through—much harder than it might appear from the outside.

The biggest challenge isn’t ability—it’s initiation. Once they get going, they do very well. With accommodations and support, their grades have been solid. In fact, they routinely score 100/100 on college math exams, which still amazes us. They’re also the captain of their mock trial team at a top academic college, and on weekends they create and sell street art, donating most of what they earn to charity. There’s a lot to be proud of.

But when it comes to planning ahead—especially things like internships—it’s a different story. Last year, they found a part-time summer job at a law firm at the last minute, sometime in May. This year, they haven’t really started looking, or at least haven’t been able to fully engage in the process.

We understand that internships are increasingly competitive, and we don’t see it as a failure if they don’t secure one this summer. We’d be perfectly happy if they stayed home, spent time with friends, traveled a bit, and maybe volunteered with organizations they care about. We can always help them put together a meaningful summer.

At the same time, we wonder if we should be encouraging them more actively to pursue something related to their interests—something that could help build toward a future career—or if it’s better to step back and let them find their own pace.

They’ve said, half-jokingly, “I could rule the world without ADHD.” And honestly, we see what they mean—the potential is clearly there. But the reality is that they’re taking things day by day, without much long-term planning right now.

As parents, we’re trying to figure out where the balance is—between supporting, nudging, and simply accepting where they are. What would you do?

What’s with the they? You don’t want to say if it’s a male or female so we can’t figure out who it is?

Or maybe that’s their preferred pronouns. Either way, why do you care??

It’s difficult to read and a distraction.

I find it helpful to have people use gender neutral pronouns. I sometimes discount helpful responses when a poster talks about a kid who is a DS when I am here about my DD. If I don’t know the gender, I read more objectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this, but here it is. Feel free to delete it or move it as you see fit.

We have a great kid—curious, kind, and genuinely loves learning. They’ve always been strong academically, especially in math and public policy, and they care deeply about the environment. They also value their friendships and enjoy being around people.

At the same time, they’ve been navigating ADHD and some depression in college. The depression is under control now, which we’re very grateful for, but ADHD continues to make certain things—especially getting started on tasks and following through—much harder than it might appear from the outside.

The biggest challenge isn’t ability—it’s initiation. Once they get going, they do very well. With accommodations and support, their grades have been solid. In fact, they routinely score 100/100 on college math exams, which still amazes us. They’re also the captain of their mock trial team at a top academic college, and on weekends they create and sell street art, donating most of what they earn to charity. There’s a lot to be proud of.

But when it comes to planning ahead—especially things like internships—it’s a different story. Last year, they found a part-time summer job at a law firm at the last minute, sometime in May. This year, they haven’t really started looking, or at least haven’t been able to fully engage in the process.

We understand that internships are increasingly competitive, and we don’t see it as a failure if they don’t secure one this summer. We’d be perfectly happy if they stayed home, spent time with friends, traveled a bit, and maybe volunteered with organizations they care about. We can always help them put together a meaningful summer.

At the same time, we wonder if we should be encouraging them more actively to pursue something related to their interests—something that could help build toward a future career—or if it’s better to step back and let them find their own pace.

They’ve said, half-jokingly, “I could rule the world without ADHD.” And honestly, we see what they mean—the potential is clearly there. But the reality is that they’re taking things day by day, without much long-term planning right now.

As parents, we’re trying to figure out where the balance is—between supporting, nudging, and simply accepting where they are. What would you do?

What’s with the they? You don’t want to say if it’s a male or female so we can’t figure out who it is?

Or maybe that’s their preferred pronouns. Either way, why do you care??

It’s difficult to read and a distraction.

I find it helpful to have people use gender neutral pronouns. I sometimes discount helpful responses when a poster talks about a kid who is a DS when I am here about my DD. If I don’t know the gender, I read more objectively.

It’s special needs, not gender related that would impact whether you have a son or daughter.

[SunnyDays]

Anonymous wrote:Could some please recommend a EF coach for my college kid?

The other day I saw a video of a race between a giant tortoise and a bunny. It instantly reminded me of my kid - who is obviously the bunny who has great speed but is constantly distracted. Sigh!

We use a wonderful EF coach and she's great with my kids. It’s made a big difference. I’m happy to refer her but not sure I can / should post private info on here and I think this forum prefers we don’t. If there’s somewhere I can send it (website & her email) I’m happy to!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this, but here it is. Feel free to delete it or move it as you see fit.

We have a great kid—curious, kind, and genuinely loves learning. They’ve always been strong academically, especially in math and public policy, and they care deeply about the environment. They also value their friendships and enjoy being around people.

At the same time, they’ve been navigating ADHD and some depression in college. The depression is under control now, which we’re very grateful for, but ADHD continues to make certain things—especially getting started on tasks and following through—much harder than it might appear from the outside.

The biggest challenge isn’t ability—it’s initiation. Once they get going, they do very well. With accommodations and support, their grades have been solid. In fact, they routinely score 100/100 on college math exams, which still amazes us. They’re also the captain of their mock trial team at a top academic college, and on weekends they create and sell street art, donating most of what they earn to charity. There’s a lot to be proud of.

But when it comes to planning ahead—especially things like internships—it’s a different story. Last year, they found a part-time summer job at a law firm at the last minute, sometime in May. This year, they haven’t really started looking, or at least haven’t been able to fully engage in the process.

We understand that internships are increasingly competitive, and we don’t see it as a failure if they don’t secure one this summer. We’d be perfectly happy if they stayed home, spent time with friends, traveled a bit, and maybe volunteered with organizations they care about. We can always help them put together a meaningful summer.

At the same time, we wonder if we should be encouraging them more actively to pursue something related to their interests—something that could help build toward a future career—or if it’s better to step back and let them find their own pace.

They’ve said, half-jokingly, “I could rule the world without ADHD.” And honestly, we see what they mean—the potential is clearly there. But the reality is that they’re taking things day by day, without much long-term planning right now.

As parents, we’re trying to figure out where the balance is—between supporting, nudging, and simply accepting where they are. What would you do?

Your post made me laugh because sophomore summer, I kept telling my kid all spring he needed to look for a job. Of course, he didn't. He was home for only 1 day in the summer, and he came home and said "I have a job." OFC, I laughed that I had been so wrong. But, 2 months later he was laughing that he had been so wrong because the job he got was lifeguarding, and after 2 months he could see that it didn't pay well and was pretty boring. The next summer he was more motivated to look in advance.

But, TBH, planning is a perpetual problem for adults with ADHD, so the more that you can direct kids to things like the career center or a career coach or resume reviews or help them practice cold calls/emails, etc., the better. As a parent I've had to really model my use of the calendar planning for the whole family -- OK, I know it's only November, but if we want to go to the beach next year, we all have to sit down now and think about what we'll be doing next summer. Then you have to teach them to plan backward.