Constantly contradicting me
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Anonymous
| What did he say when you talked to him about this? |
Anonymous
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Is he contrary in general, or just with you?
I'm ashamed to say that I do this a lot, despite trying to work on it. Whenever I disagree, I open my mouth. When someone says something incorrect, I open my mouth. I dislike this about myself, but it's hard to get under control. So I do it to my DH, because I do it in general. I have no contempt for him at all, he's amazing. But if your DH is doing this just to you? Then there's something in the relationship that you need to figure out. |
Anonymous
| He has contempt and disrespect for you. His actions are deliberate. |
Anonymous
If his negative behavior is recent I’d look into whether he’s having an affair. People often become very mean and critical to their partners when they start up with someone else. |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous]Is this just simple contempt or something more?
Why does my DH constantly dismiss me? If I say I think something needs to be done, he contradicts me every single time. I am not someone who spouts off and demands things or asserts things I know nothing about. So if for instance, I say “hey, this [house issue] should be fixed because it’s dangerous. I don’t feel comfortable doing it so I can look into hiring somebody.” He downplays it. He makes me feel so insane that last night I googled whether this thing was dangerous and every single result was “YES, FIX IMMEDIATELY.” If I say “hey, would you mind packing [thing SN kid needs] while I get ready?” He’ll say we don’t need to bring it. So he sits there on his phone while I either take care of the thing I asked him nicely to do, or we leave without it and the outing sucks because inevitably the kid needs this thing so we go home early. Every single effing time. It would be one thing if he just didn’t care, but he simply seems to just not believe me when I tell him something about the world or our kids or whatever. He’s smart in many ways, but it’s like he thinks I’m stupid. Which I have no insecurities about because I did very well in school and I happen to know my IQ. I don’t henpeck him, I praise him, I am kind. It almost just smacks as your run-of-the-mill misogyny where men think they are the rational, intelligent ones and woman are to be dismissed. I’m at my wits end. Anyone else deal with this? [/quote] Sit him down and discuss how it makes you feel and how it makes things difficult for everyone. If he isn't perceptive, seek couples therapy. Get Fair Play by Eve Rodsky and both read it together or may be get those flashcards. Talk to him about how you two can stop contempt and resentment eroding your relationship. Be a team, not I and You. On your end, do some self searching about your need for control of life and how to have a more relaxed approach. |
Anonymous
| He thinks you are not his equal, either because he is a jerk or because he is having an affair |
Anonymous
| He has zero respect for you. |
Anonymous
Fair enough.
We'd need to better understand your situation. This would mean asking questions and you explaining. |
Anonymous
| He might be cheap but also does not want to take on the job himself! He has created a catch 22 for you hoping you would just let it go? |
Anonymous
no, you said the issue wasn't there earlier on. So, he's not on the spectrum. I think this is a cop out for you to accept the way he is. He's a jerk. For the most part, DH's view is "happy wife, happy life". Of course, he doesn't agree with me on everything, but if I ask him to do something, most of the time he will. I will say that there was a recent situation where he didn't want to do something for our 16 yr old because he thought it was not necessary, but she and I agreed that it would make her feel safer. It wasn't a huge deal. It would've taken maybe 5min to do it, but he put up such a fuss saying it wasn't necessary. I think it was because he thinks by doing so, we are playing into her anxiety. I got really mad at him, and when he (reluctantly) came up to do this thing, I told him angrily to forget it, that I would do it. I also think he is getting lazier in his old age. Maybe your DH is feeling like my DH where he feels you are catering too much towards your SN kid? You guys need to get on the same page, or you will just have to own doing most of the things for your kid. The house thing I totally disagree with your DH on. |
Anonymous
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It sounds like your husband is lazy as opposed to being clueless.
He probably is just too lazy to get the thing his kid needs, etc. It is easier in his tiny mind to just not take it as it makes less work for him overall! 😡 Unfortunately there is really nothing that you can do about this - - you simply have to accept that this is how your husband is & you need to cease expecting that he will help you out. Lower your expectations since by not doing so >> it is only going to continually drive you nuts! |
Anonymous
| My husband is like this -- it's like he just reflexively corrects me or disagrees with me. If someone else says the same thing, he'll agree and repeat it to me, and I'm always like, "yeah, I know that, that's what I told you." He won't admit that he does this, either. Someday he'll just agree with me about something and I'll probably die of shock. |