Social Class Considerations

[Anonymous]

My take is if you plan on having kids, having similar values and worldview on life is very important because it makes parenting and decision making easier. Being raised in the same “class” signals that there may be more of an alignment of values and worldview.

If you do not plan on having kids, then values and worldview may not be as important and you can more easily deal with disagreements in lifestyle by separating from it (his decisions are his, yours are yours).

[Anonymous]

I had one for 30 years and it went down in flames. So NEVER again! He apparently carried a huge chip on his shoulder all that time that I came from an UMC background and claimed he always felt inadequate despite his financial success. He ran away with someone else from an LMC background. So now: no degree no date!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you consider the social class background of someone when you’re dating them?

I really wonder if a harmonious match can be made in a cross-class union. An UMC woman married to a LMC man? That wouldn’t end so well!

That won’t end well. Do you want to drop from UMC to LMC? Because a LMC man will drag you down there.
A woman should always go for someone in your social class or above.

The opposite isn’t true. A UMC man can safely pick a LMC woman and be successful. He will lift the couple up and will have no resentment. Men feel resentful when they are led by a woman.

[Anonymous]

What does LMC mean? Like he grew up LMC? Or he currently has a job that would put him LMC if it wasn’t for his wife?
For example, is JD Vance LMC? He’s vice president of the US, but he famously grew up white trash.

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/vfXs0m32A8E

[Anonymous]

When I was on OLD and needed a screen, I decided to add college-educated even though I knew that there were smart and motivated men who weren’t college-educated. I decided this based on social status/class. I figured we would have more in common, which would help me narrow it down. In real life, if I met someone and had chemistry with them, I’d give them a shot but I was totally overwhelmed on OLD, even as a 40-something year old woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from an UMC background. My DH is from another country. His parents come from working class backgrounds and were the first of their families to get formal education. They had decent and stable government jobs in their country but never had much money. DH got a scholarship to come to the US for college which is where we met. His family’s lack of resources was not a consideration. They are good people with solid values. It helps that my family is also not into status symbols. We’ve been very happy together.

Just wait until you have to financially support his whole family here, and whoever is still left behind in the old country.

[Anonymous]

It can be problematic, and may not show up until much later. As someone mentioned, how you are raising teens is a good example. A lot of people revert back to how they were raised as they get older, regardless of current success and financial status. By DH that was raised in a low income family has become ridiculously frugal- it’s almost embarrassing. Manners have taken a huge slide too- maybe he tried to hold it together in his younger years but now in mid life just stopped. Since he wasn’t raised with proper manners- they aren’t his default.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter as long as you protect yourself and make sure nobody is using you

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous.

My mom grew up working class. She was the first in her family to graduate high school. She ended up graduating in the top 10% of her law school class.

My dad grew up upper middle class. He also graduated in the top 10% of the same law school class.

They have been married since 1978.

[Anonymous]

I think it can work really well when the lower SES partner is scrappy and hard-working, and the higher SES partner has generational wealth an is established in their community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous.

My mom grew up working class. She was the first in her family to graduate high school. She ended up graduating in the top 10% of her law school class.

My dad grew up upper middle class. He also graduated in the top 10% of the same law school class.

They have been married since 1978.

It’s different if the woman was the partner that grew up lower class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything is a consideration, but you cant generalize - it really depends on the people. Where this match is most likely to have problems that aren’t obvious until it’s too late is kids, like if the UMC partner wants private school, golf lessons, SAT tutor, etc., and the LMC one thinks its a waste of money because they turned out fine without it. Money issues with parents too - go to the family forum for plenty of those stories.

All of this. My ex-DH envies all the ways I have given our kids a headstart in life. I don't think he realized just how early the upbringings of UMC kids diverge from that of LMC kids until he saw all the ways I strategize our kids' success. It's really weird how resentful he gets about it. Almost as if he doesn't want the kids to do better than him on a very deep level that he denies to himself. I think even the sincere desire to have your kids do better and the willingness to work to ensure that (not just vaguely hope for it) also differs among the classes.

This just made me vomit in my mouth

[Anonymous]

Not consciously, but for example, I want to date a guy with clean fingernails and who knows how to dress appropriately for various occasions. I also want to date a guy who is not so far removed from "regular" people that he can't relate to them or have a comfortable conversation with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't put people in categories

This is stupid. It's like saying you're color blind.

It's never as simple as saying that everyone who is LC or MC or UMC is the same because of course that's not true, but ignoring your backgrounds, expectations, etc. is a stupid thing to do.