I had to tell my kid her father died today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Totally sudden.

How terrible. Is she close to his parents/her grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, not the same but my 16 year old also lost their first Grandparent this week. Also suddenly. Grandparent had health issues but the outlook was positive and then just gone.

I've barely processed my own grief and feel guilty for suggesting they go to school that day for fear of missing too much school. The funeral is going to be super rough. I'm not looking forward to it.

[Anonymous]

so sorry for your DD's loss.

[Anonymous]

She might have some financial concerns that will need addressing. Adults have a better understanding of the overall picture but so many teens are worried about money when sudden changes like this happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might have some financial concerns that will need addressing. Adults have a better understanding of the overall picture but so many teens are worried about money when sudden changes like this happen.

Money is your concern. Could you be any more cold and uncaring.

[Anonymous]

OP here, there are financial things to think about, on my end. Already working to get her on my insurance. She doesn’t need to deal with those things, but I certainly do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, there are financial things to think about, on my end. Already working to get her on my insurance. She doesn’t need to deal with those things, but I certainly do.

I am so sorry your DD has to go through such a loss at such a young age. The only thing I will say is that this will affect her (and all of you) for the rest of your lives. The waves of grief will ebb and flow but they will be there forever. It will manifest itself in different ways for a long time to come.

That includes you, too. No matter your relationship with him this was the father of your child. While there may be a good fatherly-figure in your current husband, he should be prepared that he may wind up being the whipping post and an outlet for some strong emotions. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but it will show up.

I know you are all in a state of shock and thinking about the practicalities seems to be the "productive" thing to do. (Don't forget contacting Social Security as your daughter is entitled to benefits.) Which is true, to a certain extent. Just don't let that get ahead of the need for grieving and a focus on emotional support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dad died when I was 11. I wish I would have had other male role models step up for me. I reached out to Uncles as I got older who I feel like placated me. But they didn’t take an interest in my life or help to raise me.
Give it some time, but if you can do this for your DD it will go a long way.

Men rarely step up like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might have some financial concerns that will need addressing. Adults have a better understanding of the overall picture but so many teens are worried about money when sudden changes like this happen.

Money is your concern. Could you be any more cold and uncaring.

DP. I have a teenager who is always concerned about money. Our household income is over $400k, we have very substantial savings, we’ve got her college expenses covered by a 529, and she’s never had to go without anything, but she has anxiety, so anytime there’s an unexpected expense or one of us changes jobs, her first question is do we have enough money. It’s not at all unreasonable for a 16 year old to wonder if a parent’s sudden, unexpected death will lead to financial hardship. It’s probably not something they think about immediately, but it would be surprising if it never occurred to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might have some financial concerns that will need addressing. Adults have a better understanding of the overall picture but so many teens are worried about money when sudden changes like this happen.

Money is your concern. Could you be any more cold and uncaring.

DP. I have a teenager who is always concerned about money. Our household income is over $400k, we have very substantial savings, we’ve got her college expenses covered by a 529, and she’s never had to go without anything, but she has anxiety, so anytime there’s an unexpected expense or one of us changes jobs, her first question is do we have enough money. It’s not at all unreasonable for a 16 year old to wonder if a parent’s sudden, unexpected death will lead to financial hardship. It’s probably not something they think about immediately, but it would be surprising if it never occurred to them.

Can you stop making every post about you? Something more is going on in your home if you have that income, substantial savings, a college account, and a spoiled kid. It's not money she needs, but attention and your time. Really inappropriate second post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might have some financial concerns that will need addressing. Adults have a better understanding of the overall picture but so many teens are worried about money when sudden changes like this happen.

Money is your concern. Could you be any more cold and uncaring.

This is reality. There's a lot that has to be done when someone passes away besides crying. I guess you haven't experienced that yet. Grow up, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might have some financial concerns that will need addressing. Adults have a better understanding of the overall picture but so many teens are worried about money when sudden changes like this happen.

Money is your concern. Could you be any more cold and uncaring.

This is reality. There's a lot that has to be done when someone passes away besides crying. I guess you haven't experienced that yet. Grow up, PP.

That poster post was a brag about them. The discussion is about loss not money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might have some financial concerns that will need addressing. Adults have a better understanding of the overall picture but so many teens are worried about money when sudden changes like this happen.

Money is your concern. Could you be any more cold and uncaring.

PP just means OP should reassure her daughter not to worry about money because teens often worry about things like that.

[Anonymous]

I was 16 when my father died suddenly (divorced parents, both remarried). I...processed weirdly and probably should have done therapy at the time. I missed only a half day of school for it and just kept trucking along with my high-level school work. Like I went to chem lab the next day. The whole situation was very bizarre, and I found out a lot of stuff about my father after the fact that likely colored my romantic relationships.

This is a long way of saying that this will be a process for your daughter. She likely won't know what she needs.

For those concerned about money, I did get my father's social security til I turned 18. It was enough to help me not have student loans (but I was in state and it was the 90s/early 2000s).

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm so sorry for your daughter's loss. My kids lost their father at 11 and 14, respectively. I found that there weren't many grief support groups for teens who had lost a parent. Hopefully, you will have better luck finding one.

On the financial piece, your daughter may be entitled to social security survivors benefits until she turns 18 or finishes high school, whichever is later. If her father has other kids, that may slow down your DD's application, but you should get a copy of the death certification and call social security to file a claim for your daughter.