Give up learning heritage language or not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My first language is cantonese, and it is more HARDER to learn compared to Mandarin Chinese. I grew up learning it without using phonics, but just pure memorization word by word onto my brain. What you read is not what you speak, and that is the hardest part of learning cantonese which I cannot even know how to explain.

First language for my parents are not even Cantonese or Mandarin Chinese. First language for my in-laws are also not Cantonese or Mandarin Chinese. First language for my DH is English, and he does not speak or understand Cantonese. My kids find it hard to learn Mandarin Chinese, and there is no way that they can learn Cantonese.

OP, it’s ok to let this go. What is your biggest emotional fear if your children don’t learn Mandarin or Cantonese?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not try Duolingo if they have nanderin Chinese available? It's fun, free and and can be done anywhere and anytime?

It is most certainly not fun for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not try Duolingo if they have nanderin Chinese available? It's fun, free and and can be done anywhere and anytime?

It is most certainly not fun for kids.

But neither is spending every weekend at Chinese school, just to assuage your mother’s guilt.

[Anonymous]

I would keep talking to them in Mandarin for regular daily things. “You hungry/tired/ready?” Casual stuff. That’s all straightforward and easy. I agree that you could drop Cantonese. Even if they don’t learn Mandarin outright, they will learn to “hear” it. This will give them a better foundation to learn later on if they want.

I think weekend Chinese school for your kids would be pretty hard and not fun. If you can find a tutor that would make learning to read/write, try that route and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Forgive my ignorance, but I thought most Chinese spoke a dialect or two ANd either Canto or Mandarin, with the exception of much older folks and people who live in more rural areas.

If the grandparents do speak Cantonese can you have them learn that instead?

[Anonymous]

First, do not feel guilty. The situation is inherently difficult. I empathize. My kids understand a different version of Chinese, but they can't speak anything much.

I grew up with a lot of ABC kids. Most of them really are not fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, or anything else. Most do know the Cantonese words for common dim sum and have very limited Mandarin (often with an American accent). It is just a hard situation. As you noted already, written Chinese aligns with Mandarin, but does not really align with Cantonese or Hakka. Given the current state of HK, I would not recommend having them travel there for real-world immersion.

At HS age, an option would be the "love boat" summer trips to TW that many ABCs participate in. I suspect the kids speak English among themselves on those trips. TW would definitely be a good option for Mandarin immersion. (Singapore is wonderful, but has too much English to be a good immersion option.)

In college, an option is the Mandarin summer school at Middlebury. It is high stress full immersion, but a very good way to start learning Mandarin.

[Anonymous]

I and DH both fluent in mandarin, and sent both DCs to weekend mandarin school, dropped it after 5 years, as one completely hated it, and it’s a lot of pressure for we parents too. You can’t force it if your children have no interest in it, doesn’t matter you know the language or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not try Duolingo if they have nanderin Chinese available? It's fun, free and and can be done anywhere and anytime?

Because no one has ever become fluent in a language from DuoLingo. Especially not a child.

[Anonymous]

We have three heritage languages between DH and I, plus English. We let go of 2 Asian languages (not anything to do with China) and focused on the one we both speak best, a European language. To do this, my kids have attended their weekend language school since they were little. It is a PRIORITY: until certain high school events, nothing was allowed to come before their language classes.

Mandarin Chinese, while perhaps not a heritage language for you, if your families speak other Chinese languages, is still geopolitically critical for your children. I would move heaven and earth, OP, to have them attend their weekend classes. It's WAY more important than sports or scouts. You will definitely regret not giving this opportunity to your children.

Don't let your kids pressure you. Young children are always unhappy at having to give up some of their weekend. It's only when they get to middle school and realize that other American kids are struggling to pick up a foreign language that they will start feeling good about their bilingualism!

[Anonymous]

One thing a friend's parents did was to buy or rent Cantonese TV shows (probably originally made for HK market) and watch those as a family several times each week for years. It helped the kids with understanding Cantonese, but was not a big help with speaking.

Same principle could be applied for Mandarin if that were preferable.

[Anonymous]

Don’t give up, I am the child of a parent that gave up. It is part of their culture, they will feel excluded, even if they can only understand. Keep trying so they can speak and connect with their elders and it is also a benefit for future job marketability.

[Anonymous]

Drop it. Focus on home and heritage traditions important to you and your families and grandparents. I'm an immigrant, my kids were born here. One is fluent in my heritage language because I went hard on OPOL with her until K. Sibling was born and it became harder and American school etc. Sibling is much further behind in the 2nd language than the oldest and has an accent. Both go to weekend school and know how to read and write in early ES. It's an enormous lift to continue talking to them not in English (English is easier for me at this point) and do so homework and miss activities for language school ($$ too). Thankfully they have friends there and enjoy going and do the homework and read books as well. But if they didn't want to at this point, we would stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing a friend's parents did was to buy or rent Cantonese TV shows (probably originally made for HK market) and watch those as a family several times each week for years. It helped the kids with understanding Cantonese, but was not a big help with speaking.

Same principle could be applied for Mandarin if that were preferable.

I agree with this. If using Duolingo or something similar, you need to have them also listen to the language by native speakers in context. So you could do that combined with the suggestion of speaking basic phrases to them in Cantonese, and that could be enough to keep them involved with the language until they are older and decide whether to study it in school or give it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering you can’t help strengthen the language learner in the home yourself, which is extremely helpful, I would drop it.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t give up, I am the child of a parent that gave up. It is part of their culture, they will feel excluded, even if they can only understand. Keep trying so they can speak and connect with their elders and it is also a benefit for future job marketability.

Who will they speak with? The op and her husband speak English 90% of the time. So it’s not like the kids will even have the opportunity to speak it at home. Among themselves and with other kids, they’ll also be speaking English cause it’s easier for them even at the language school, unless there is an adult is there forcing them to switch. It’ll be a lot of effort with minimal result unless they’ll also be willing to switch to speaking their heritage language at home.