DD 15 overly judgmental towards schools fundraising

[Anonymous]

Maybe time to switch to a public school if she is not appreciating the sacrifices your family is making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe time to switch to a public school if she is not appreciating the sacrifices your family is making.

OP says nothing about sacrifices. Both OP and their DD are so spoiled. At least the DD is making some nascent effort to understand and appreciate the cost of things instead of tightening those blinkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re unlikely to get much sympathy here, where there’s a very vocal group of parents who agree with your daughter.

I have no issue with school fundraising and we participate to the extent we can every year ($150-200 to the annual fund, another $100ish and volunteer time to the performing arts boosters).

But I’m not sure why your DD is even caught up in the issue. My 17 y.o. has pretty much zero awareness of it. Maybe just talk to her about what your own view of the situation is (whether or not it matches hers) and help her see that there are different perspectives, and that for now, tuition and whether or not to contribute more is your decision as a parent and not something she as a student needs to stress about.

This is not something to brag about about.

[Anonymous]

Barf. Both mother and daughter are cut from the same cloth.

[Anonymous]

If this is true, she probably heard it from somewhere/someone first and is parroting it.

[Anonymous]

We are not uber rich and the tuition is more than our mortgage. I do not think my kid cares that much about the donation but I explain this way: the private school education is a luxury good and you overpay (we have very decent public schools that my kid attended till 8th grade), and donation is like tips for dining in a restaurant - it is optional but if you feel strongly not to tip (regardless of service quality) perhaps takeout or eat in is better. I also checked the annual charity report of the school, seems 80-90 percent of donation amount comes from the few big donors, so for the majority who donate it is mainly participation anyway.

[Anonymous]

“ 100% parent participation “ can mean anything. We gave between 25-50$ per fundraising cycle as a low-ish income, high FA family.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you explained it to her. As high as the tuition is, it does not cover the expenses. You could offer to enroll her in public school next year, although I doubt she'll take you up on that. Otherwise, just remind her that she can choose not to donate as an alum and let it go at that.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried telling her that many people cannot afford that expense and that financial aid is used to expand the student body so that it is not all really wealthy people attending?

I guess part of the problem is that there are people in the 1% of earners getting financial aid in this area so that is a hard argument to make. The slightly less well off are getting financial aid to attend your school? Hard argument to make.

[Anonymous]

She’s right! You send her to a very expensive school.

This is a great opportunity. Assign her to analyze the school’s 990. If it’s religious, she can start with the annual report and maybe ask questions based on other school 990s. Also have her look into the per pupil spending at the local public. Have her look into how to consider capital costs and special education when you look at the per pupil numbers for public.

I would tell her that you’re planning to give $1000 or whatever you’re planning to give and if she writes a compelling memo arguing for giving it somewhere else, you’ll redirect it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried telling her that many people cannot afford that expense and that financial aid is used to expand the student body so that it is not all really wealthy people attending?

I guess part of the problem is that there are people in the 1% of earners getting financial aid in this area so that is a hard argument to make. The slightly less well off are getting financial aid to attend your school? Hard argument to make.

It’s not a hard argument. People don’t want a u shaped income curve. Private school tuition is very expensive, so that means aid to people with relatively high income. Financial aid isn’t a prize for being worthy, it’s just a mechanism to help the school achieve its vision for whatever. If it were a prize, it would be cash and they would let the families decide what to use it on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s right! You send her to a very expensive school.

This is a great opportunity. Assign her to analyze the school’s 990. If it’s religious, she can start with the annual report and maybe ask questions based on other school 990s. Also have her look into the per pupil spending at the local public. Have her look into how to consider capital costs and special education when you look at the per pupil numbers for public.

I would tell her that you’re planning to give $1000 or whatever you’re planning to give and if she writes a compelling memo arguing for giving it somewhere else, you’ll redirect it.

Ooo and the memo should also have to respond to the use of property taxes to fund public schools. She could get into the history but also just compare and contrast it with tuition, financial aid, and extra giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re unlikely to get much sympathy here, where there’s a very vocal group of parents who agree with your daughter.

I have no issue with school fundraising and we participate to the extent we can every year ($150-200 to the annual fund, another $100ish and volunteer time to the performing arts boosters).

But I’m not sure why your DD is even caught up in the issue. My 17 y.o. has pretty much zero awareness of it. Maybe just talk to her about what your own view of the situation is (whether or not it matches hers) and help her see that there are different perspectives, and that for now, tuition and whether or not to contribute more is your decision as a parent and not something she as a student needs to stress about.

This is not something to brag about about.

It’s not a brag, it’s a statement of fact. The school’s fundraising efforts and the contents of solicitation emails to parents have zero impact, and should have zero impact, on my child’s day-to-day experience and responsibilities for being a focused student and doing their best work. The finances are my problem, not theirs. DC is fully aware of our family’s financial situation as it pertains to their college search, and that’s what is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be fake. Kids have more going on in their life than this. Nice try, OP!

Well, some people have kids who like to take an active interest in their school and education. Not everyone, I guess.

[Anonymous]

You have done a reasonably good job of explaining the independent school business model. Either your DD can’t understand it or she doesn’t want to try. Either way, you might suggest to her that she would be more comfortable at your local public school given her concerns.