NPD or something else?

[Anonymous]

I think you're being somewhat harsh on your daughter and perhaps paranoid? I don't know anyone who talks to all the people, we all self-select. You don't seem to like your kids too much and sound judgmental yourself? It's not your DDs job to soothe your long-term live-in partner.

[Anonymous]

So your daughter i not a doormat like you and that bothers you.
Your daughter sounds fine the fact that as a teen she has no interest in associating with timewasters is a good thing so many teen girls get derailed by trying to be everyone's friend and popular.
Nothing you have shared indicates your ex or daughter are NPD.
You do have a boatload of issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter i not a doormat like you and that bothers you.
Your daughter sounds fine the fact that as a teen she has no interest in associating with timewasters is a good thing so many teen girls get derailed by trying to be everyone's friend and popular.
Nothing you have shared indicates your ex or daughter are NPD.
You do have a boatload of issues.

So her grandparents, who love her and are interested in her, are time-wasters? Get bent

[Anonymous]

Op, I mean this kindly, but you seriously need to stop. NPD is a serious lifelong condition and being a sassy teenager I not a red flag for it.

[Anonymous]

You can't make any conclusions about her based on her teen years. Come on. That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my DS who I think has some social anxiety and is trying to hide it by being condescending.
We had a talk once about being nice to neighbors and he said, and how far did being nice get you. It made me think hard! I am a people pleaser and he was right, to an extent.
Maybe your DD is onto something too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, everyone thinks their ex spouse/partner is a narcissist. So I’ll take that detail with a grain of salt.

It’s also developmental normal for a teen to be fairly self centered.

Yeah yeah I knew someone would pipe up with this but there are specific things.
For example, my ex has a high need of association with “elite” institutions. He did not care about the content of his education, but the brand cache. Similarly, my DD isn’t interested in academic topics per se but definitely wants to attend an elite college.
I found out late in life about my biological grandfather, who was accomplished in his own right, and his recent parentage which included several very well known wealthy and historically significant people. I shared this with ex (we are on good terms and speak regularly) and he seemed super pleased… as in that his children shared this heritage and so I wasn’t total garbage, lol.
He is just also super materialistic and cares about appearance and brand names to an extreme degree. Just the way he is. I think it’s probably nature and nurture.

I’m sorry to say but he sounds like a typical South Asian male (I am half South Asian btw)

[Anonymous]

Many teens don’t care about their parents’ new partners as well as their boring old grandparents
Not ideal but fairly common

[Anonymous]

Please put your daughter over your long term live in partner.
Her not being all warm and fuzzy with him has you labelling her as a narcissist, no wonder she doesn't want to be nice to him..you start being nice to hear first instead of all sorts of randos.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is very intriguing! It’s also the reason why I don’t often post her for advice. I completely understand your concerns OP. And I have no idea why some of the people on here are so defensive. Maybe they’ve been told that they are narcissists and they don’t like the label?

I’m in your exact same situation, ex with signs of NPD and family history, an older kid who’s just fine and a younger kid that i worry about. I just keep telling myself that brain development is nowhere near complete at 15 and things will improve… and that having at least one parent with empathy and some degree of concern with others will be enough to guide the kids. It’s the best you can do and teens are way too selfish to expect better than you’re getting right now

[Anonymous]

Is she the last-born child, or was she the youngest for many years? She sounds like a spoiled brat, not mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please put your daughter over your long term live in partner.
Her not being all warm and fuzzy with him has you labelling her as a narcissist, no wonder she doesn't want to be nice to him..you start being nice to hear first instead of all sorts of randos.

You are making some really wild assumptions here.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is something off-putting in your post that is making people lash out at you instead of answering your question. Maybe you and your partner both have BPD? I have no idea!

My DD is very self-centered, but I chalk it up to emotional immaturity. Life will teach her that other people's feelings matter, eventually.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell your DD that you’re going to start volunteering as a family, then commit to a regular schedule with a local organization whose work you care about. Maybe something with food insecurity or animals. This helps teach empathy and the value of everyone’s humanity. Odds are probably good that she will grow out how she’s acting now, but nothing wrong with trying to instill empathy and giving back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound abnormal. Some kids are just like that. You don’t just inherit a personality trait, why are you blaming your ex? did he have a big part of raising her and where were you? Lastly, long term live in partner? Most teens are not to keen on their parent shacking up with someone other than their own parent. Give her some space. My DH is also a narcissist but my kids are very empathetic so I don’t think you can just blame your ex. Talk to her about being more likeable and what changes you’d like to see and help her work on them.

Well, I totally disagree. This seems abnormal to me. Gaging and judging other for what they can do for her is 100% narcissistic behavior. Also not being empathetic or caring to anyone but maybe a few friends is concerning.

OP: "She is in therapy for anxiety and depression." Have you talked to her therapist? I would book a session yourself or call to discuss your concerns directly to the therapist. Explain why and give her examples of what she's doing or how she acts. I think this needs attention right now while there maybe time to correct some of this if at all possible.