NPD or something else?

[Anonymous]

My DDs father is a classic narcissist. Yeah, my picker was broken… part of it was he is from another culture and I chalked it up to cultural difference and acclimation.

So now I am worried that my DD15 inherited this trait. My son, 3 years older, also went through a difficult teen phase, but is now showing signs of maturity, kindness, and empathy for others.
For DD, it is different. It is easier in that she is more compliant, as in doing a chore right away if I ask her. But she seems to really not care about others, unless they are her friend. She is dismissive of anyone she sees as being less-than or just of no use to her. This includes her peers, our neighbors, family members, teachers, etc. If they pass her “test” of having some sort of utility, or level of achievement, or something she respects, she will talk to them. For example, she likes my SIL who attended prestigious schools and works in Big Law. But she doesn’t engage much with people outside her friend circle and a select few family members.

So, to most people, she comes off as rude. I don’t think she realizes this. I think her thought process is “why would I talk to them?”
And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that she is having a hard time making new friends in high school. She judges people and discards them pretty quickly if they don’t look the “right” way or if she perceives they don’t have anything in common.

She is wrapped up in herself and doesn’t seem to care about other people’s feelings.
This is especially hard on my long term live-in partner, who shows interest in her and tries to engage but doesn’t get anywhere.

Does this sound like typical teen girl stuff she will outgrow, or do we need to do more work? She is in therapy for anxiety and depression.

[Anonymous]

Well, everyone thinks their ex spouse/partner is a narcissist. So I’ll take that detail with a grain of salt.

It’s also developmental normal for a teen to be fairly self centered.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound abnormal. Some kids are just like that. You don’t just inherit a personality trait, why are you blaming your ex? did he have a big part of raising her and where were you? Lastly, long term live in partner? Most teens are not to keen on their parent shacking up with someone other than their own parent. Give her some space. My DH is also a narcissist but my kids are very empathetic so I don’t think you can just blame your ex. Talk to her about being more likeable and what changes you’d like to see and help her work on them.

[Anonymous]

Every teenager has anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Where did you earn your medical degree, OP? Where did you do your psychiatric residency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, everyone thinks their ex spouse/partner is a narcissist. So I’ll take that detail with a grain of salt.

It’s also developmental normal for a teen to be fairly self centered.

Yeah yeah I knew someone would pipe up with this but there are specific things.
For example, my ex has a high need of association with “elite” institutions. He did not care about the content of his education, but the brand cache. Similarly, my DD isn’t interested in academic topics per se but definitely wants to attend an elite college.
I found out late in life about my biological grandfather, who was accomplished in his own right, and his recent parentage which included several very well known wealthy and historically significant people. I shared this with ex (we are on good terms and speak regularly) and he seemed super pleased… as in that his children shared this heritage and so I wasn’t total garbage, lol.
He is just also super materialistic and cares about appearance and brand names to an extreme degree. Just the way he is. I think it’s probably nature and nurture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where did you earn your medical degree, OP? Where did you do your psychiatric residency?

If I had that, would I be on here asking?

[Anonymous]

So, how do we know what is normal teen self centeredness vs a personality disorder, or empathy gray matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, everyone thinks their ex spouse/partner is a narcissist. So I’ll take that detail with a grain of salt.

It’s also developmental normal for a teen to be fairly self centered.

Yeah yeah I knew someone would pipe up with this but there are specific things.
For example, my ex has a high need of association with “elite” institutions. He did not care about the content of his education, but the brand cache. Similarly, my DD isn’t interested in academic topics per se but definitely wants to attend an elite college.
I found out late in life about my biological grandfather, who was accomplished in his own right, and his recent parentage which included several very well known wealthy and historically significant people. I shared this with ex (we are on good terms and speak regularly) and he seemed super pleased… as in that his children shared this heritage and so I wasn’t total garbage, lol.
He is just also super materialistic and cares about appearance and brand names to an extreme degree. Just the way he is. I think it’s probably nature and nurture.

But you of course are far more secure in yourself and have contributed nothing to your daughter's adoption of this point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did you earn your medical degree, OP? Where did you do your psychiatric residency?

If I had that, would I be on here asking?

If you can admit you're not a professional, please stop labeling your own child with terms like NPD and narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did you earn your medical degree, OP? Where did you do your psychiatric residency?

If I had that, would I be on here asking?

Well, you made an affirmative diagnosis of your child's father. What were your credentials for that?

Don't be such a dipshit. You're not qualified to label someone a narcissist.

Also, you can't diagnose someone under 18 with this kind of personality disorder. Adolescents are notoriously self-centered.

I don't think you even know what a narcissist is. I think you glommed onto some label to describe behavior you don't like. Which is really, really, really stupid and reflects very poorly on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did you earn your medical degree, OP? Where did you do your psychiatric residency?

If I had that, would I be on here asking?

Well, you made an affirmative diagnosis of your child's father. What were your credentials for that?

Don't be such a dipshit. You're not qualified to label someone a narcissist.

Also, you can't diagnose someone under 18 with this kind of personality disorder. Adolescents are notoriously self-centered.

I don't think you even know what a narcissist is. I think you glommed onto some label to describe behavior you don't like. Which is really, really, really stupid and reflects very poorly on you.

So is the DSM bogus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did you earn your medical degree, OP? Where did you do your psychiatric residency?

If I had that, would I be on here asking?

If you can admit you're not a professional, please stop labeling your own child with terms like NPD and narcissist.

OK. Let me reframe.
Is my kid a common self-centered teen who will grow out of it or could there be a difference in how her brain is developing that I need to worry about?

[Anonymous]

Teens are self-centered but I don't think most teens draw a distinction between who's 'worthy' or useful, and dismiss everyone else. That sounds concerning, whether it ends up being NPD or not. Since she already has a therapist, it might be good to privately approach her therapist first for input imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, everyone thinks their ex spouse/partner is a narcissist. So I’ll take that detail with a grain of salt.

It’s also developmental normal for a teen to be fairly self centered.

Yeah yeah I knew someone would pipe up with this but there are specific things.
For example, my ex has a high need of association with “elite” institutions. He did not care about the content of his education, but the brand cache. Similarly, my DD isn’t interested in academic topics per se but definitely wants to attend an elite college.
I found out late in life about my biological grandfather, who was accomplished in his own right, and his recent parentage which included several very well known wealthy and historically significant people. I shared this with ex (we are on good terms and speak regularly) and he seemed super pleased… as in that his children shared this heritage and so I wasn’t total garbage, lol.
He is just also super materialistic and cares about appearance and brand names to an extreme degree. Just the way he is. I think it’s probably nature and nurture.

Tbh, if your ex is from abroad, most people there only know the "elite" institutions like Harvard and Princeton. Education is seen as a signal and an elite institution is supposed to give elite education. I'm an immigrant and only when I came to the US did I saw the education "business" here, where most of the people in these "elite" institutions would not be able to gain entrance to a university in my home country (free, tax-payer paid, only for top 10% students, based on merit). There are a lot of students in these "elite" institutions who are there thanks to their parents' money and connections, but it's all presented as due to merit.