Getting clarity on wedding invite- what is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

COuld you just get refundable tickets? I don't think it's reasonable to expect your sister to work around your family's needs.

[Anonymous]

So much of this drama would be resolved with a simple communication. She’s your sister!

Hey sister, can you please let me know by xxxx day so I can buy the tickets otherwise it’s going to be too expensive. Or tell her whatever you want to…..but communicate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:COuld you just get refundable tickets? I don't think it's reasonable to expect your sister to work around your family's needs.

I don't think it's reasonable for the sister to play games about who's invited or not. This would be annoying even if the family were local. It's 4 nieces and nephews, she should know whether or not she has space for them and if she just doesn't want kids, then say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much of this drama would be resolved with a simple communication. She’s your sister!

Hey sister, can you please let me know by xxxx day so I can buy the tickets otherwise it’s going to be too expensive. Or tell her whatever you want to…..but communicate!

It seems to me that OP WAS trying to communicate, but I agree that since they didn't get a clear answer, a follow-up and deadline is warrented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go alone. Save money and school days.

What a gift—an international trip alone! I would jump at it. I love my family but traveling alone, I could do cartwheels through the security line. A few nights alone in a hotel!

This.

[Anonymous]

We saved the $$ and didn't bring kids when we lived abroad and it was during school. I was a bit annoyed at the timing, but tried to let it go.

You can leave them with a sitter in your country or you can hire a sitter. It does not matter what your mother thinks.

[Anonymous]

Also, if your sister didn't already say yes, it's a no.

[Anonymous]

I think your sister really doesn’t want kids at her wedding. Just go by yourself.

[Anonymous]

Plan to go by yourself. Your mother will get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go alone. Save money and school days.

What a gift—an international trip alone! I would jump at it. I love my family but traveling alone, I could do cartwheels through the security line. A few nights alone in a hotel!

I love my family but this sounds like a dream solo trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is getting married next fall. Travelling to the wedding will involve international travel for us (this is not a destination wedding, we live in different countries right now). It's during the school year so would involve pulling the kids out of school. My understanding is that it will be a smaller venue, and since we have a large extended family and they have a lot of friends, I reached out to confirm that kids will be invited. I was expecting a yes/no answer but instead got a vague answer along the lines of "probably but I need to gage how many adults will attend first," based on save the date responses. FWIW, our other siblings has kids too, between us there are 4 nieces/nephews total, all between the ages of 4-10. They think that ultimately engaged sister will include the nieces/nephews, which I think is likely as well, but they are driving distance so don't need to plan anything right now, whereas we need to book flights. I'd like to book flights while fares are reasonable but there is no point in pulling them from school and travelling as a family if ultimately my kids aren't invited, I would just go on my own. However my mom would be furious if they WERE invited and I didn't bring them, I’m not sure she even knows it’s a possibility they won’t be. I'm not sure if my sister is just clueless or playing some weird mind game, but is it reasonable to tell her I need to know X months out one way or another? I really wonder how well she'll be able to gage the responses from save the dates to begin with…..

So, just tell your sister you aren't bringing your kids. Multiple problems solved for you and for her. Then you can book a trip yourself or bring your kids and let them spend time with grandparents with no expectation of attending wedding.

Many wedding parties don't want kids present for any number of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Next fall as in fall of 2026 or next fall as in 2027? If it's 2026 I would tell her you need to know by XYZ so you can make plans.

[Anonymous]

Plan to go alone. If your mother pitches a fit, just tell her she can pay for the kids’ tickets.

[Anonymous]

I would just get tickets and bring the kids. Tell your sister your mother insisted that they come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm all about no kids weddings, but nieces and nephews should be automatic invites. That's really strange, especially since there's only 4. Wouldn't they be ring bearers and flower girls? It's one thing to not invite cousin's children or your friends' children because you likely don't know them well, but you have a real relationship with your nieces and nephews. My kids would be really upset to not be invited to their aunt's wedding, even my son. We have small families though, so it's not like there's 25 nieces and nephews being invited.

If I were you, I'd book the plane tickets. Couldn't you leave them with your siblings' kids if they really aren't invited to the wedding?

it is still good cousin time. I'd bring. They are young. missing school is OK.