How do you come to terms with your age in dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time I was single I was 22. Now I’m 40, childless and newly divorced. The men I match with are 40-55. And…they’re all so old!!! Bad skin, lots of wrinkles, not in shape, don’t dress well and are so…old!!

Meanwhile in my head I’m still 32 and I find 35 year old men the most attractive.

This is giving me a panic attack! How will I recalibrate my attraction to older men?

I am in roughly the same boat as you. I still feel sharp and I stay relatively fit at 42 (even coached GOTR last year). But am only attracted to guys in their mid to late 20s.

Problem with the guys in their 40s is they look so old! Many are starting to go bald! The ones who still have hair also have grey hairs. Lots of them have some wrinkles already. Few of them are in shape (aka the Dad bod). Nobody wants that.

Op here. Yes!! I don’t know why 40 something single men are in such bad state. Most are bald! They have wrinkled faces and they also don’t work out. On top of that, they don’t know how to dress themselves. I really want to be with someone my age or older but…they’re making themselves not attractive.

Men cannot control being bald just like they cannot control for height.

[Anonymous]

Bald men can be sexy and men with grey hair can be sexy. Men who look older can be sexy. Even men who are a bit chubby can be sexy. I knew a man who was all of those things and he was wildly sexy. Dress well, smell good, take some minimal care of your skin. It’s men who have let themselves go completely and look horrible and dress horrible and then expect attractive women to date them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time I was single I was 22. Now I’m 40, childless and newly divorced. The men I match with are 40-55. And…they’re all so old!!! Bad skin, lots of wrinkles, not in shape, don’t dress well and are so…old!!

Meanwhile in my head I’m still 32 and I find 35 year old men the most attractive.

This is giving me a panic attack! How will I recalibrate my attraction to older men?

I am in roughly the same boat as you. I still feel sharp and I stay relatively fit at 42 (even coached GOTR last year). But am only attracted to guys in their mid to late 20s.

Problem with the guys in their 40s is they look so old! Many are starting to go bald! The ones who still have hair also have grey hairs. Lots of them have some wrinkles already. Few of them are in shape (aka the Dad bod). Nobody wants that.

Op here. Yes!! I don’t know why 40 something single men are in such bad state. Most are bald! They have wrinkled faces and they also don’t work out. On top of that, they don’t know how to dress themselves. I really want to be with someone my age or older but…they’re making themselves not attractive.

Men cannot control being bald just like they cannot control for height.

This is true. I have a friend who had high standards for looks, including a man with a full head of hair. Her last ltr was with a bald dude, but he had everything else.

She's with a different guy now, and while he has a full head of hair, his body isn't as good the previous ltr.

Women need to lower the looks standard a bit. I find that there are more good looking women than there are good looking men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bald men can be sexy and men with grey hair can be sexy. Men who look older can be sexy. Even men who are a bit chubby can be sexy. I knew a man who was all of those things and he was wildly sexy. Dress well, smell good, take some minimal care of your skin. It’s men who have let themselves go completely and look horrible and dress horrible and then expect attractive women to date them.

Op here. You are correct! A bald fit man who dresses well and is well spoken is incredibly attractive. It’s that many have let themselves go! Due to single fatherhood or depression or something.

I’m told I’m a 7 or 8 out of 10. I take care of myself and look and feel young. I’m not asking for too much expecting to be with a normal attractive man in his 40s.

[Anonymous]

As one gets older, relationship dynamics change. There really aren't a lot of single men between the ages of 38-50 who are fit, handsome, kind, can carry a conversation, are professionally successful, and have a full head of hair. And those men that do cross that threshold have a gazillion options. It's like the opposite of what dating looks like in one's 20s when women have all the options. A good single man over 40 is a unicorn. And if they've never been married, there's usually a very good reason for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bald men can be sexy and men with grey hair can be sexy. Men who look older can be sexy. Even men who are a bit chubby can be sexy. I knew a man who was all of those things and he was wildly sexy. Dress well, smell good, take some minimal care of your skin. It’s men who have let themselves go completely and look horrible and dress horrible and then expect attractive women to date them.

Op here. You are correct! A bald fit man who dresses well and is well spoken is incredibly attractive. It’s that many have let themselves go! Due to single fatherhood or depression or something.

I’m told I’m a 7 or 8 out of 10. I take care of myself and look and feel young. I’m not asking for too much expecting to be with a normal attractive man in his 40s.

I think it is asking for a lot. But you would definitely have more luck in men who are 35 to 39. Our old college friend group, all women in our early 40s, has one single friend. She regularly brings guys she's dating along to things and they are decent to good looking guys with nice jobs but I'm pretty sure they are all in the under 40 age group.

[Anonymous]

Also keep in mind that some people reduce their age on the apps - a man who said he is 40 might actually be close to 50 and thus look his actual age.

[Anonymous]

You can absolutely date 32-35 if you look good. Especially if you don’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last time I was single I was 22. Now I’m 40, childless and newly divorced. The men I match with are 40-55. And…they’re all so old!!! Bad skin, lots of wrinkles, not in shape, don’t dress well and are so…old!!

Meanwhile in my head I’m still 32 and I find 35 year old men the most attractive.

This is giving me a panic attack! How will I recalibrate my attraction to older men?

You can date younger men. I do.

[Anonymous]

I found a great guy and gave him a little glow up. Extemely happy and he feels great about himself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last time I was single I was 22. Now I’m 40, childless and newly divorced. The men I match with are 40-55. And…they’re all so old!!! Bad skin, lots of wrinkles, not in shape, don’t dress well and are so…old!!

Meanwhile in my head I’m still 32 and I find 35 year old men the most attractive.

This is giving me a panic attack! How will I recalibrate my attraction to older men?

If you are 40, your ideal suitable partner range is 37-43. To increase serious odds, expand it to 36-46.

[Anonymous]

Don’t most people lie about their age when dating?

[Anonymous]

If you are looking for marriage, don't date younger than 38.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last time I was single I was 22. Now I’m 40, childless and newly divorced. The men I match with are 40-55. And…they’re all so old!!! Bad skin, lots of wrinkles, not in shape, don’t dress well and are so…old!!

Meanwhile in my head I’m still 32 and I find 35 year old men the most attractive.

This is giving me a panic attack! How will I recalibrate my attraction to older men?

It's not a problem, OP! You'll find that most single DCUM women date much younger. It's not unusual for a 40+ year old DCUMer to have a line of 25 year old hot men wanting to date them. You're already seeing that in this thread. The men aren't just motivated by the prospect of easy casual sex, either. They want long-term commitments. So the world is your oyster! You're probably just making some mistakes in presenting yourself on the apps. Maybe just tweak your bio and pics, and you'll be swimming in dozens of hot young men in no time!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bald men can be sexy and men with grey hair can be sexy. Men who look older can be sexy. Even men who are a bit chubby can be sexy. I knew a man who was all of those things and he was wildly sexy. Dress well, smell good, take some minimal care of your skin. It’s men who have let themselves go completely and look horrible and dress horrible and then expect attractive women to date them.

Op here. You are correct! A bald fit man who dresses well and is well spoken is incredibly attractive. It’s that many have let themselves go! Due to single fatherhood or depression or something.

I’m told I’m a 7 or 8 out of 10. I take care of myself and look and feel young. I’m not asking for too much expecting to be with a normal attractive man in his 40s.

Just aim young like your maturity level.