Any other women quiet quitting your marriage?

[Anonymous]

What a leader and role model of the family you guys married!
His mother and father must be proud. Do they really think their son finally grew up once getting married, owning a house and having kids?!? lol
Once a selfish angry dud, always a selfish angry dud.

[Anonymous]

Worked for me. Pulled the trigger as soon as the youngest went back to college after Christmas her freshman year. DW pretended to be surprised. Claimed she thought that the lack of fighting meant that everything was ok.

It’s hard, and really rough on the kids, but it was long overdue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought the “quiet quitting” trend was during Covid.

This is just radical acceptance (your life partner sucks, and you have to do everything) and “quiet quitting” is a path forward while kids are in the house.

Albeit all you are quitting is any hope for him as a capable husband or father or homeowner.
You still have to do everything and by default, prop him up. But you stop trying to get him involved; it didn’t work the first 10 years anyhow. He doesn’t want to be involved with family adult life. So you ignore him like he has neglected and ignored you.

Take as old as time.s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about emotionally detaching and reducing effort in the marriage to the bare minimum. I’m burnt out from a full-time job and being the default parent. At the end of the day, my kids, clients, and husband take everything I have to give, leaving nothing for me. I’m sick of all his “work” conferences, dinners, and pleasure trips while I’m breaking my back at work and at home. I’m just done. He adds no value to my life anymore. I’m calendaring my own solo bucket-list trips this year. I’m not communicating with him outside of necessary parenting. I’m dropping the rope on anything related to his family. I’m investing my time and income in myself, my kids, and my friendships. He gets nothing from me. How long can this last? Long enough to finish raising kids? I won’t exactly be sad if it leads to divorce, so fear of divorce is not motivating me to keep trying.

Sounds like he already quit the marriage and parental responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought the “quiet quitting” trend was during Covid.

I don't think this is a trend, it's just a cute new name. It's a truism that by the time a woman tells a man she's leaving, she's tried and tried and tried to fix things, grown resentful, given up, and cannot be won back. Men threaten divorce as a tactic to bring women into line, women just leave when they're completely out of (&#s to give.

I feel badly for the women going through this but I also don't think it's anything new or trendy.

+1. For me it’s quitting trying for any emotional intimacy or connection. It’s not going to happen. I’ll get it elsewhere. It sucks so hard that he’s blind to how unhappy I have been for years — despite telling him multiple times in attempts to have conversations about it. Or maybe he sees and just doesn’t care. What else can you do when your partner has shown over and over and over again that they just. don’t. care. ?

Why don’t you tell everyone WHY you’re quitting trying for emotional intimacy or connection? Isn’t because he avoids connection but demands sx? Or is it that plus how absent he is in family life and running things there? The willful ignorance and neglect and inaction stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Worked for me. Pulled the trigger as soon as the youngest went back to college after Christmas her freshman year. DW pretended to be surprised. Claimed she thought that the lack of fighting meant that everything was ok.

It’s hard, and really rough on the kids, but it was long overdue.

Sorry she was such a delinquent, uninvolved parent, homeowner and spouse. Way to do everything and launch your kids yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought the “quiet quitting” trend was during Covid.

I don't think this is a trend, it's just a cute new name. It's a truism that by the time a woman tells a man she's leaving, she's tried and tried and tried to fix things, grown resentful, given up, and cannot be won back. Men threaten divorce as a tactic to bring women into line, women just leave when they're completely out of (&#s to give.

I feel badly for the women going through this but I also don't think it's anything new or trendy.

+1. For me it’s quitting trying for any emotional intimacy or connection. It’s not going to happen. I’ll get it elsewhere. It sucks so hard that he’s blind to how unhappy I have been for years — despite telling him multiple times in attempts to have conversations about it. Or maybe he sees and just doesn’t care. What else can you do when your partner has shown over and over and over again that they just. don’t. care. ?

Why don’t you tell everyone WHY you’re quitting trying for emotional intimacy or connection? Isn’t because he avoids connection but demands sx? Or is it that plus how absent he is in family life and running things there? The willful ignorance and neglect and inaction stuff.

No emotional intimacy at all. The friendship has died. He dissociates when things get stressful instead of leaning in. He has zero interest in me and my inner life or dreams/goals.

[Anonymous]

Good for you!!

I also want to note that "quiet quitting" IS setting boundaries.

I hope it takes some weight off your shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and during my quiet quit I went on a trip to nurse and elderly relative. DH brought it up repeatedly during divorce proceedings as evidence that I wasn’t a team player because I came home and was frustrated that there was no food in the house for the kids and none of the usual weekly chores had been touched, like laundry. We were in the middle of formal mediation and he was whining that my expectations weren’t fair. This was a man on the road 100 days or more per year for work who also took 3-4 friend trips per year and visited his parents frequently.

This made me realize that quiet quitting was never going to be a wake up call or “train” my DH to step up. He knew exactly what he’d been doing all along and saw it as his right within the marriage.

Is your life better now after the divorce? My situation is very similar with DH’s travel.

My home life is better and when I am with my children life is lighter and happier.

It’s financially quite difficult and it is very challenging to have to still be connected to DH because we share children. He was passive during our marriage but now uses the legal system to express his feelings and his “rights” and to get interaction and validation from third parties, so it would be fair to say that I am experiencing post-separation abuse. In hindsight, his absence from our family life during our marriage and his focus on himself and his interests was indicative of controlling behavior that I didn’t recognize as such at the time. I was just trying to survive.

Since I didn’t have a say in my current situation it’s hard to weigh in on what alternatives might have been better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a leader and role model of the family you guys married!
His mother and father must be proud. Do they really think their son finally grew up once getting married, owning a house and having kids?!? lol
Once a selfish angry dud, always a selfish angry dud.

He’s looks sooooo involved in his sporadic selfies at big events like the basketball game or a kid party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought the “quiet quitting” trend was during Covid.

I don't think this is a trend, it's just a cute new name. It's a truism that by the time a woman tells a man she's leaving, she's tried and tried and tried to fix things, grown resentful, given up, and cannot be won back. Men threaten divorce as a tactic to bring women into line, women just leave when they're completely out of (&#s to give.

I feel badly for the women going through this but I also don't think it's anything new or trendy.

+1. For me it’s quitting trying for any emotional intimacy or connection. It’s not going to happen. I’ll get it elsewhere. It sucks so hard that he’s blind to how unhappy I have been for years — despite telling him multiple times in attempts to have conversations about it. Or maybe he sees and just doesn’t care. What else can you do when your partner has shown over and over and over again that they just. don’t. care. ?

Why don’t you tell everyone WHY you’re quitting trying for emotional intimacy or connection? Isn’t because he avoids connection but demands sx? Or is it that plus how absent he is in family life and running things there? The willful ignorance and neglect and inaction stuff.

No emotional intimacy at all. The friendship has died. He dissociates when things get stressful instead of leaning in. He has zero interest in me and my inner life or dreams/goals.

Valid reasons.
No kids and big family schedule needed; just sees no one as a person in the home. Avoidant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a leader and role model of the family you guys married!
His mother and father must be proud. Do they really think their son finally grew up once getting married, owning a house and having kids?!? lol
Once a selfish angry dud, always a selfish angry dud.

He’s looks sooooo involved in his sporadic selfies at big events like the basketball game or a kid party!

Standing right up front at school pickup once every 2 months!

(None of this is helped by other parents, coaches, teachers, etc acting like he’s god’s gift when he makes these semi-annual appearances)

[Anonymous]

Yeah, based on talking to my friends, this is very common, especially for the ones who married American women. Otherwise, not so much.

Most of my friends make mid six-figures, financially very comfortable, but the wives have insisted on having a very busy career of their own--one that usually amounts to less than my friend's income tax. They've begged their wives to let the hobby job go, take more time with family, etc., but the women prefer the persecution complex of "having to do it all" and "a woman's work is never done" "third shift" and all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, based on talking to my friends, this is very common, especially for the ones who married American women. Otherwise, not so much.

Most of my friends make mid six-figures, financially very comfortable, but the wives have insisted on having a very busy career of their own--one that usually amounts to less than my friend's income tax. They've begged their wives to let the hobby job go, take more time with family, etc., but the women prefer the persecution complex of "having to do it all" and "a woman's work is never done" "third shift" and all that.

These are the garbage men like my exDH who pushed me out of the workforce because his salary made mine “pointless” and he didn’t want to do his share of parenting and wanted me to pick it up because he “was on track for seven figures”.

Well guess what? Two weeks before he hit seven figures, he served me divorce papers. Assets divide in divorce, income doesn’t.

Don’t let a manipulative man scheme to get you to carry his share and drop your salary. It’s a ploy that only benefits him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, based on talking to my friends, this is very common, especially for the ones who married American women. Otherwise, not so much.

Most of my friends make mid six-figures, financially very comfortable, but the wives have insisted on having a very busy career of their own--one that usually amounts to less than my friend's income tax. They've begged their wives to let the hobby job go, take more time with family, etc., but the women prefer the persecution complex of "having to do it all" and "a woman's work is never done" "third shift" and all that.

These are the garbage men like my exDH who pushed me out of the workforce because his salary made mine “pointless” and he didn’t want to do his share of parenting and wanted me to pick it up because he “was on track for seven figures”.

Well guess what? Two weeks before he hit seven figures, he served me divorce papers. Assets divide in divorce, income doesn’t.

Don’t let a manipulative man scheme to get you to carry his share and drop your salary. It’s a ploy that only benefits him.

What, pray tell, was "his share of the parenting"? Sounds like you are lazy AF.