Parents that have no interest in knowing any of their kids friends unless it helps them professionally or socially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I read your post in recent topics and thought, I have no idea what this person is talking about, maybe she has an anxiety disorder or mental illness. Then noticed it was posted in private schools. Not a public school thing.
!

It is very obvious from your incorrect punctuation and grammar that you are in the incorrect forum. Hopefully you find your way back to whichever forum it was that you wanted to be in?

You missed a comma.

[Anonymous]

It’s because these people are social climbers/grifters. They’re transactional and calculated and are motivated by what they think will benefit them.

I can’t stand these kind of people, but you come across them in all aspects of life (public school, private school, the neighborhood, work, etc). They’re not unique to private school settings. They’re not genuine. They suck.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to BVR!

[Anonymous]

It’s hard not to fall into the trap because your kid starts to notice when they aren’t invited to things. Now that she is a bit older, I can tell her that it’s not her, it’s her parents that are not being invited to parties and lunches after school wide events. We aren’t unlikeable people, but we can’t offer much socially. Having a playdate at our house means nothing because we aren’t members of a country club (no recommendation letters). Our jobs aren’t exciting- not a lot of business referrals here. We don’t have a beach house at Bethany Beach, can’t crash at our place.

But we have found our people. There are way more confident, happy people than the social climbers. And even within the social climbing cliques, there’s a weird pecking order and lots of pain and exclusion. I’m happy to not be part of that- truly. There’s something empowering with growing up, you care less. Isn’t that the goal?

I hope my kid understands when she is an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to BVR!

We’ve had multiple kids go through and this hasn’t been our experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not about me but I am trying to figure out what motivates parents that have zero interaction with any of their childrens best friends parents. No interaction. No hello. Nothing. The only parents they interact with are parents that can help them socially or professionally but their kids are not friends with those parents kids. What is the word I am thinking of here?

This isn’t true. What school is this? From foreign people—a lot of Asian particularly South Asian foreigners are very classist. But other than that, this isnt something I’ve noticed being lower middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I read your post in recent topics and thought, I have no idea what this person is talking about, maybe she has an anxiety disorder or mental illness. Then noticed it was posted in private schools. Not a public school thing.
!

It is very obvious from your incorrect punctuation and grammar that you are in the incorrect forum. Hopefully you find your way back to whichever forum it was that you wanted to be in?

You missed a comma.

No, they did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard not to fall into the trap because your kid starts to notice when they aren’t invited to things. Now that she is a bit older, I can tell her that it’s not her, it’s her parents that are not being invited to parties and lunches after school wide events. We aren’t unlikeable people, but we can’t offer much socially. Having a playdate at our house means nothing because we aren’t members of a country club (no recommendation letters). Our jobs aren’t exciting- not a lot of business referrals here. We don’t have a beach house at Bethany Beach, can’t crash at our place.

But we have found our people. There are way more confident, happy people than the social climbers. And even within the social climbing cliques, there’s a weird pecking order and lots of pain and exclusion. I’m happy to not be part of that- truly. There’s something empowering with growing up, you care less. Isn’t that the goal?

I hope my kid understands when she is an adult.

The nicest parents are always at the top of the pecking order. I have a kid who became good friends with the kids of the popular crowd at a $$ school and there are plenty of parents who snub us at group events but the most successful, top of the food chain ones have always been warm and friendly. It's the layers beneath this that treat others like they don't exist. And the kids themselves are great and by high school they're the ones that do the inviting etc (and their parents treat my kid really well). It's weird and I'd rather not have to deal with any of it but we're in too deep now to move or change schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not about me but I am trying to figure out what motivates parents that have zero interaction with any of their childrens best friends parents. No interaction. No hello. Nothing. The only parents they interact with are parents that can help them socially or professionally but their kids are not friends with those parents kids. What is the word I am thinking of here?

This isn’t true. What school is this? From foreign people—a lot of Asian particularly South Asian foreigners are very classist. But other than that, this isnt something I’ve noticed being lower middle class.

Whites are more subtle. That's probably why LMC wouldn't notice. Still there though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard not to fall into the trap because your kid starts to notice when they aren’t invited to things. Now that she is a bit older, I can tell her that it’s not her, it’s her parents that are not being invited to parties and lunches after school wide events. We aren’t unlikeable people, but we can’t offer much socially. Having a playdate at our house means nothing because we aren’t members of a country club (no recommendation letters). Our jobs aren’t exciting- not a lot of business referrals here. We don’t have a beach house at Bethany Beach, can’t crash at our place.

But we have found our people. There are way more confident, happy people than the social climbers. And even within the social climbing cliques, there’s a weird pecking order and lots of pain and exclusion. I’m happy to not be part of that- truly. There’s something empowering with growing up, you care less. Isn’t that the goal?

I hope my kid understands when she is an adult.

DP. Chevy and Congo parents are the worst offenders! It continues into college. Chevy moms continue to social engineer throughout college - you can’t escape it until your kids find new friends in college! Most bizarre experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard not to fall into the trap because your kid starts to notice when they aren’t invited to things. Now that she is a bit older, I can tell her that it’s not her, it’s her parents that are not being invited to parties and lunches after school wide events. We aren’t unlikeable people, but we can’t offer much socially. Having a playdate at our house means nothing because we aren’t members of a country club (no recommendation letters). Our jobs aren’t exciting- not a lot of business referrals here. We don’t have a beach house at Bethany Beach, can’t crash at our place.

But we have found our people. There are way more confident, happy people than the social climbers. And even within the social climbing cliques, there’s a weird pecking order and lots of pain and exclusion. I’m happy to not be part of that- truly. There’s something empowering with growing up, you care less. Isn’t that the goal?

I hope my kid understands when she is an adult.

The nicest parents are always at the top of the pecking order. I have a kid who became good friends with the kids of the popular crowd at a $$ school and there are plenty of parents who snub us at group events but the most successful, top of the food chain ones have always been warm and friendly. It's the layers beneath this that treat others like they don't exist. And the kids themselves are great and by high school they're the ones that do the inviting etc (and their parents treat my kid really well). It's weird and I'd rather not have to deal with any of it but we're in too deep now to move or change schools.

Yes, totally agree.
I just cannot sell my soul in the younger years. We and she will get through it fine.

To revert back to my insecure 12 year old ways is humiliating. But man, within those cliques, those lower ranked women are just so mean to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to BVR!

We’ve had multiple kids go through and this hasn’t been our experience.

It’s cohort dependent. There’s a current grade that is wildly plastic.

[Anonymous]

Social Climber
Sycophant
Clout Chaser
Striver
Machiavellianism

I have a few friends like that, they are handy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not about me but I am trying to figure out what motivates parents that have zero interaction with any of their childrens best friends parents. No interaction. No hello. Nothing. The only parents they interact with are parents that can help them socially or professionally but their kids are not friends with those parents kids. What is the word I am thinking of here?

I think I would always love to get to know the parents whose kids hang out with my kids. What kind of losers count on their kids' friends to do social climbing?

[Anonymous]

My kid is friends with another kid. The mom was at my house and we had a hours long intimate conversation. I felt like I had made a new friend. Then at the next school event she acts like I'm invisible. Of course her house cost 10x what mine did.
She probably thinks I'm a social climber but I just enjoyed the conversation. I would have wanted to be her friend even if she was poor.