How much should parents be involved in high schoolers’ dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you talk to your DS about his GF? OP what conversations are you having with him about her? Have you asked about her? What DS likes about her, what they talk about (not saying ask every conversation at all, just in general, what are they talking about when they talk on phone/online)?

Before judging if you should get involved or not just feel him out for what connects them, what they have in common, see how he talks about her and to me that should give you plenty of ideas about how much you may want to get more involved or not. Also watch his grades and see if anything changes, because that's obviously one of the things to watch since "new relationships" (even the light ones) can become all-consuming too easily.

All he said is she is very smart… and she likes him… hmmm... I don’t think they had deep talk. My DS never asked us to drive them out yet. So most time they meet in school clubs. This is his first gf. So I just wonder what the “normal way” parents do. After all I hope to appropriately oversee it to avoid unpleasant incidents, but don't want to behave like a weirdo. For example, we don’t know a kid in his school unless that kid’s parents are in our social circle. So, we don’t know this girl at all. But inviting her or her parents seems too serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him to invite her for dinner. See if she can handle two hours of being polite and kind.

Is that too serious for high school sophomores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sophomore has a gf recently. They spend a lot of time on phone/online. Once awhile they walk to stores besides school. We don’t know that girl or her parents. Should we? I’m a bit worried about possible different culture. But never mention it. Should we do something or wait until girl’s parent bring up?

I know what that is code for.

If you are from a culture where marriages are arranged by hypercontrolling parents, you shouldn't force that dysfunction on your child, especially at such a young age. Let him learn about relationships in an organic, healthy way so he learns how to get along with someone of the opposite sex. If he's 30 and still unmarried then maybe you can start calling the matchmaker.

Oh, no, it’s probably opposite. Actually that girl is an Indian. No discrimination at all, maybe some stereotype. In my impression, Indians are super close to their families, religious and communities. Of course, they are very casual at this point. I just don’t know how her parents think about it or what’s their expectations, etc.

[Anonymous]

I’m thinking OP is Indian and her son is dating a white girl. OP is worried bc she wants her son to be with an Indian girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking OP is Indian and her son is dating a white girl. OP is worried bc she wants her son to be with an Indian girl.

I didn’t mention our background because I didn’t want the details to cause discrimination or other sensitive issues. But, if it matters, we are white from east Europe and my DS is dating an Indian girl. As I said before, in my impression, Indians are super close to their own communities. I don’t know much about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking OP is Indian and her son is dating a white girl. OP is worried bc she wants her son to be with an Indian girl.

I didn’t mention our background because I didn’t want the details to cause discrimination or other sensitive issues. But, if it matters, we are white from east Europe and my DS is dating an Indian girl. As I said before, in my impression, Indians are super close to their own communities. I don’t know much about it.

Her parents are not going to let her get too attached to anyone, not even another indian boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make them break. You don't know this girl, and what if she's a bad influence? Break it off now while you still can. I'm speaking from experience beautiful son had his gf when he was in freshmen year. It all went downhill from there. He started weed and even came out as Bisexual.

Similar happened to my son - make sure you meet this girls parents, take turns supervising them, make sure their education, friends, and jobs come first.

So your son also had a GF as a HS freshman and became bisexual as a result?

That's a new one...stop your sons from dating women because they may turn them bisexual.

You have the wrong pp

[Anonymous]

My freshman son and senior daughter both have newish relationships. The freshman is on a much tighter leash, but we welcome him and gf to hang out at our house on the weekends as much as the want. (And they go to her house some weekends as well).

They are not allowed to hang out at any house where a parent is not present. They will generally watch a movie together on the couch and eat dinner. They are both excellent students, busy with their own sports and activities, and they spend time with their own friends, too, so feels healthy and fine to me. We’ve met the other parents casually and they seem to be on the same page. We verify by text each time they get together that a parent will be home with them.

With HS seniors who can drive, she basically has a curfew and that’s it. She can decide how to spend her free time and we have not yet met the parents. Boyfriend is welcome at our house anytime, though.

Essentially, I want my kids to feel comfortable bringing their significant others around. And they do. It’s kind of fun. It’s nice to see that they’ve both chosen really decent people to be in relationships with, and they both appear to have healthy attitudes and boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking OP is Indian and her son is dating a white girl. OP is worried bc she wants her son to be with an Indian girl.

I didn’t mention our background because I didn’t want the details to cause discrimination or other sensitive issues. But, if it matters, we are white from east Europe and my DS is dating an Indian girl. As I said before, in my impression, Indians are super close to their own communities. I don’t know much about it.

You are correct. They typically socialize as whole families. It’s possible that the girl is hiding this relationship from her family too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you talk to your DS about his GF? OP what conversations are you having with him about her? Have you asked about her? What DS likes about her, what they talk about (not saying ask every conversation at all, just in general, what are they talking about when they talk on phone/online)?

Before judging if you should get involved or not just feel him out for what connects them, what they have in common, see how he talks about her and to me that should give you plenty of ideas about how much you may want to get more involved or not. Also watch his grades and see if anything changes, because that's obviously one of the things to watch since "new relationships" (even the light ones) can become all-consuming too easily.

All he said is she is very smart… and she likes him… hmmm... I don’t think they had deep talk. My DS never asked us to drive them out yet. So most time they meet in school clubs. This is his first gf. So I just wonder what the “normal way” parents do. After all I hope to appropriately oversee it to avoid unpleasant incidents, but don't want to behave like a weirdo. For example, we don’t know a kid in his school unless that kid’s parents are in our social circle. So, we don’t know this girl at all. But inviting her or her parents seems too serious.

That is the drawback of being snobs or super shy. Try to be different and you will make more friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make them break. You don't know this girl, and what if she's a bad influence? Break it off now while you still can. I'm speaking from experience beautiful son had his gf when he was in freshmen year. It all went downhill from there. He started weed and even came out as Bisexual.

So you think a GIRL he was dating made him realize he was sexually attracted to boys

Thought the same when I read this. lol. This poster is lost, no wonder her kid is too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you talk to your DS about his GF? OP what conversations are you having with him about her? Have you asked about her? What DS likes about her, what they talk about (not saying ask every conversation at all, just in general, what are they talking about when they talk on phone/online)?

Before judging if you should get involved or not just feel him out for what connects them, what they have in common, see how he talks about her and to me that should give you plenty of ideas about how much you may want to get more involved or not. Also watch his grades and see if anything changes, because that's obviously one of the things to watch since "new relationships" (even the light ones) can become all-consuming too easily.

All he said is she is very smart… and she likes him… hmmm... I don’t think they had deep talk. My DS never asked us to drive them out yet. So most time they meet in school clubs. This is his first gf. So I just wonder what the “normal way” parents do. After all I hope to appropriately oversee it to avoid unpleasant incidents, but don't want to behave like a weirdo. For example, we don’t know a kid in his school unless that kid’s parents are in our social circle. So, we don’t know this girl at all. But inviting her or her parents seems too serious.

That is the drawback of being snobs or super shy. Try to be different and you will make more friends.

It's not about being snobs. The OP's family is immigrants and it's not exactly easy to socialize with Americans. As far as the Indian GF is concerned, yes, she's most likely hiding it from her parents, which is why they keep the "relationship" on the phone/online. I'd do nothing. In fact, being an Indian, it's unlikely the girl will start pushing for a s*l relationship.

[Anonymous]

You should not be involved at all. This entire thread is so odd. If your son invites her for dinner, ask if she has any allergies or preferences, and make something she can eat. Other than that, MYOB. It's a HS girlfriend, the odds are stacked against them as fast as making it all the way to marriage.

Your job as a parent is to welcome whoever he brings home. IF and WHEN it gets serious, you can raise any concerns you have, ONCE, saying you are concerned for your son amd why. Then you let it go. It is their life not yours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make them break. You don't know this girl, and what if she's a bad influence? Break it off now while you still can. I'm speaking from experience beautiful son had his gf when he was in freshmen year. It all went downhill from there. He started weed and even came out as Bisexual.

Don’t blame the girl. Too many parents love to point the finger anywhere but at themselves . He was going into high school where these changes can sometimes occur. One thing is certain, they were his decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make them break. You don't know this girl, and what if she's a bad influence? Break it off now while you still can. I'm speaking from experience beautiful son had his gf when he was in freshmen year. It all went downhill from there. He started weed and even came out as Bisexual.

This is the funniest post I’ve seen in a while.