Helping a friend with mood issues in perimenopause

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, thanks for helping your friend. How old is she? I have recently gone through this with my ex-gf and whatever you do doesn't help much. HRT is somewhat helpful but don't reply on it too much. Has she gained weight recently? any other thryoid issues?

My ex-gf would suddenly snap and scold me for a very small thing and then didn't realize she did that. If you or her DH are around then they would face her anger. It is a delicate balance in which you have to support but still make sure to protect yourself and not become the punching bag.

She is close to 50, and I noticed the mood change has been going on for a couple of years before it got bad to the point she realized it herself. She has gained weight, but I think pretty much for everyone our age I know has gained some weight also, so not out of the ordinary?

She doesn't snap at me, but does at her DH and kids because she is around them more. I just hear a lot of complaining and gripes about our mutual friends and coworkers that I have no problems with. This is tough to hear when I feel the complaining is becoming constant. I am mostly worried her mood is going to affect her marriage and her relationship with her kids if the arguing continues. I am trying to gently suggest therapy. I don't know how much of it is typical peri and will resolve on its own, or whether this could be something more severe than typical peri symptoms. Everyone is different, but for me my mood swings suddenly went away after menopause.

Thanks! I am the PP that asked the question above. Her relationships has already been suffering and a lot has to do with her not taking accountability or HRT sooner. For me, it started this way and then went bad. I would still get an angry message or two from her out of the blue. It is very sad to see this but some people are just not stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, thanks for helping your friend. How old is she? I have recently gone through this with my ex-gf and whatever you do doesn't help much. HRT is somewhat helpful but don't reply on it too much. Has she gained weight recently? any other thryoid issues?

My ex-gf would suddenly snap and scold me for a very small thing and then didn't realize she did that. If you or her DH are around then they would face her anger. It is a delicate balance in which you have to support but still make sure to protect yourself and not become the punching bag.

She is close to 50, and I noticed the mood change has been going on for a couple of years before it got bad to the point she realized it herself. She has gained weight, but I think pretty much for everyone our age I know has gained some weight also, so not out of the ordinary?

She doesn't snap at me, but does at her DH and kids because she is around them more. I just hear a lot of complaining and gripes about our mutual friends and coworkers that I have no problems with. This is tough to hear when I feel the complaining is becoming constant. I am mostly worried her mood is going to affect her marriage and her relationship with her kids if the arguing continues. I am trying to gently suggest therapy. I don't know how much of it is typical peri and will resolve on its own, or whether this could be something more severe than typical peri symptoms. Everyone is different, but for me my mood swings suddenly went away after menopause.

Thanks! I am the PP that asked the question above. Her relationships has already been suffering and a lot has to do with her not taking accountability or HRT sooner. For me, it started this way and then went bad. I would still get an angry message or two from her out of the blue. It is very sad to see this but some people are just not stable.

Did you know if your friend ever recovered from the mood swings? This really sucks, because it's not my friend's fault that her hormones are raging and it almost seems like she was a different person before. The PPs suggesting that I butt out can hopefully at least understand why I want to do something to help the situation, because I don't want to see perimenopause wreck lot of otherwise good relationships she once had with her husband, kids, and friends, myself included. Even though she realizes she's been moody, I don't think she completely realizes it may be the hormones and not the people around her that are being jerks to her. I wish society did a better job of raising awareness about perimenopause mood problems, and that doctors and the rest of society were more proactive about helping women through this process.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP, I am the poster who mentioned about my ex-gf above. She is 43 and I haven't talked to her for a while. She has some other medical issues as well such as Type2, PCOS, thyroid and was on anti-depressants on top of everything else. Weight gain was other issue for her. With time, she has gone really bad and would flip out or scold me for something small so I thought about removing myself from the situation and ended it. The only thing that would work for her is sleeping and no work or expectations which is unreal since she did have to work as a nurse and was under some debt. Issues related with peri continued to get bad and her having Hashimoto (low thyroid) contributed for her behavior, sex drive and ability to see things more realistically. what you can do for your friend is spend some girls time with her, may be go to massage, pedicure, or some mild drinking/eating out if she is ok with it and may be tell her to go on HRT or get some therapy in more casual way. Make sure to not make her feel that she has any issues otherwise she could get defensive and won't take initiative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP, I am the poster who mentioned about my ex-gf above. She is 43 and I haven't talked to her for a while. She has some other medical issues as well such as Type2, PCOS, thyroid and was on anti-depressants on top of everything else. Weight gain was other issue for her. With time, she has gone really bad and would flip out or scold me for something small so I thought about removing myself from the situation and ended it. The only thing that would work for her is sleeping and no work or expectations which is unreal since she did have to work as a nurse and was under some debt. Issues related with peri continued to get bad and her having Hashimoto (low thyroid) contributed for her behavior, sex drive and ability to see things more realistically. what you can do for your friend is spend some girls time with her, may be go to massage, pedicure, or some mild drinking/eating out if she is ok with it and may be tell her to go on HRT or get some therapy in more casual way. Make sure to not make her feel that she has any issues otherwise she could get defensive and won't take initiative.

wow! That is crazy if someone is even acting 1/2 of what you said above. Hopefully, she goes and get some help and she would need all - medical, CBT and other outside support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP, I am the poster who mentioned about my ex-gf above. She is 43 and I haven't talked to her for a while. She has some other medical issues as well such as Type2, PCOS, thyroid and was on anti-depressants on top of everything else. Weight gain was other issue for her. With time, she has gone really bad and would flip out or scold me for something small so I thought about removing myself from the situation and ended it. The only thing that would work for her is sleeping and no work or expectations which is unreal since she did have to work as a nurse and was under some debt. Issues related with peri continued to get bad and her having Hashimoto (low thyroid) contributed for her behavior, sex drive and ability to see things more realistically. what you can do for your friend is spend some girls time with her, may be go to massage, pedicure, or some mild drinking/eating out if she is ok with it and may be tell her to go on HRT or get some therapy in more casual way. Make sure to not make her feel that she has any issues otherwise she could get defensive and won't take initiative.

OP here. I agree that spending more girls time with my friend would be helpful. Will definitely do that, and it may help just to lift her mood.

Your ex-friends issues sound really sad. It's awful that medical problems can affect people's personalities so drastically. That's kind of what freaks me out about my friend, but luckily it is not as severe with my friend and hopefully will not get that bad. I think the hormone swings do not just cause mood swings and irritability, but can affect people's ability to see things realistically like you said... that's the part that I find the hardest to handle in a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP, I am the poster who mentioned about my ex-gf above. She is 43 and I haven't talked to her for a while. She has some other medical issues as well such as Type2, PCOS, thyroid and was on anti-depressants on top of everything else. Weight gain was other issue for her. With time, she has gone really bad and would flip out or scold me for something small so I thought about removing myself from the situation and ended it. The only thing that would work for her is sleeping and no work or expectations which is unreal since she did have to work as a nurse and was under some debt. Issues related with peri continued to get bad and her having Hashimoto (low thyroid) contributed for her behavior, sex drive and ability to see things more realistically. what you can do for your friend is spend some girls time with her, may be go to massage, pedicure, or some mild drinking/eating out if she is ok with it and may be tell her to go on HRT or get some therapy in more casual way. Make sure to not make her feel that she has any issues otherwise she could get defensive and won't take initiative.

OP here. I agree that spending more girls time with my friend would be helpful. Will definitely do that, and it may help just to lift her mood.

Your ex-friends issues sound really sad. It's awful that medical problems can affect people's personalities so drastically. That's kind of what freaks me out about my friend, but luckily it is not as severe with my friend and hopefully will not get that bad. I think the hormone swings do not just cause mood swings and irritability, but can affect people's ability to see things realistically like you said... that's the part that I find the hardest to handle in a friendship.

Yes, it is still crazy for me too and I would never get answers. I wondered how everything going well would just go down hill so fast and the other person realized that too but couldn't do much. BTW, on top of everything, she also has ADHD. Lots of stuff.

[Anonymous]

OP, how is the situation with your friend? I am interested in knowing more if anything she did is helpful. I am going through some of this and acknowledging the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how is the situation with your friend? I am interested in knowing more if anything she did is helpful. I am going through some of this and acknowledging the issue.

I am still concerned. When she started the HRT she said it seemed to help, but honestly I have not seen a difference from my point of view, and she is still getting into a lot of conflicts with her DH and kids. The DH is a patient guy from what I can tell, but I don't know him well. Over the past few years she has broken off friendships for really trivial reasons, and she still believes she totally right for ending those friendships. I think I am the only close friend left, and I am still friends with the former friends, and do not want to have to pick sides. It is not so much the moodiness that I worry about, though of course mood swings cause problems too. I definitely had the mood swings myself during peri but they did not cause me to see people differently and end relationships. Once I calmed down after being irritable, the mood swings didn't make me dislike the same people I used to like. I have gently suggested therapy, but she resisted. At least she didn't get offended though, so I am still hopeful that she may be open to it some day.

I am sorry you are going through this and wish you the best. I think acknowledging the issue is a huge deal and hopefully this self awareness will get you through peri with your cherished relationships intact! Have you seen a gyn or therapist yet?

[Anonymous]

Op, I am the PP that mentioned about his ex-gf behaving like this.

A few questions for you - has your friend always been like this or was she sweet and kind lady and just turned like this recently? what are her main stressors for life - money, relationships, work etc? That could contribute a lot for her behavior. is there anything that excites her - kids, going out, sports, beach etc? do you know if she has any other problems including depression?

This sounds a lot like my ex-gf who would also break up her relationship with childhood friends because they didn't respond on time. It was surprising for me but slowly got too much for me to handle. I was very patient with her and try to understand everything and we went to couples counseling but she also had a lot of other stressors in life such as money, other medical problems, childhood trauma etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am the PP that mentioned about his ex-gf behaving like this.

A few questions for you - has your friend always been like this or was she sweet and kind lady and just turned like this recently? what are her main stressors for life - money, relationships, work etc? That could contribute a lot for her behavior. is there anything that excites her - kids, going out, sports, beach etc? do you know if she has any other problems including depression?

This sounds a lot like my ex-gf who would also break up her relationship with childhood friends because they didn't respond on time. It was surprising for me but slowly got too much for me to handle. I was very patient with her and try to understand everything and we went to couples counseling but she also had a lot of other stressors in life such as money, other medical problems, childhood trauma etc.

Friend was never easy-going, but was a normal, fun person to be around. Only over the past two or three years, did she start getting offended and cutting off friendships, and our hanging out increasingly consists of her complaining about people. The personality change didn't happen overnight, but over the course of many months. Her kids really became challenging and rebellious as teens, so maybe that's a part of it. But she does not have childhood trauma or the severe medical issues your ex girlfriend has, and no known depression. What a bummer that therapy did not work for your ex. Even when you know the other person doesn't mean to be difficult, it is still really important to protect yourself and your happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am the PP that mentioned about his ex-gf behaving like this.

A few questions for you - has your friend always been like this or was she sweet and kind lady and just turned like this recently? what are her main stressors for life - money, relationships, work etc? That could contribute a lot for her behavior. is there anything that excites her - kids, going out, sports, beach etc? do you know if she has any other problems including depression?

This sounds a lot like my ex-gf who would also break up her relationship with childhood friends because they didn't respond on time. It was surprising for me but slowly got too much for me to handle. I was very patient with her and try to understand everything and we went to couples counseling but she also had a lot of other stressors in life such as money, other medical problems, childhood trauma etc.

Friend was never easy-going, but was a normal, fun person to be around. Only over the past two or three years, did she start getting offended and cutting off friendships, and our hanging out increasingly consists of her complaining about people. The personality change didn't happen overnight, but over the course of many months. Her kids really became challenging and rebellious as teens, so maybe that's a part of it. But she does not have childhood trauma or the severe medical issues your ex girlfriend has, and no known depression. What a bummer that therapy did not work for your ex. Even when you know the other person doesn't mean to be difficult, it is still really important to protect yourself and your happiness.

Thanks OP! I think your friend also needs some time to cool-off. Her DH could be patient but probably don't help her around house or kids stuff as much. Stay in touch with her even if she is in a bad mood. I have learned to communicate via texts when my ex-gf was having a bad mood because she would be very snappy and would get irritated or angry even if I ask a small normal question. It was not right for me to continue receiving her emotional punches or anger and I decided to separate myself from the situation. She is also very adamant. I always wondered if she has any kind of personality disorder because she would be very sweet a few mins ago calling me "love of her life", " her BFF", soulmates, etc and then get very angry that she would take a red eye flight back from west coast over a small argument. She is certainly in peri-menopause and have a few other hormonal problems. I feel sad for her and us but there is nothing you can do if some one is so focused on self-sabotaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am the PP that mentioned about his ex-gf behaving like this.

A few questions for you - has your friend always been like this or was she sweet and kind lady and just turned like this recently? what are her main stressors for life - money, relationships, work etc? That could contribute a lot for her behavior. is there anything that excites her - kids, going out, sports, beach etc? do you know if she has any other problems including depression?

This sounds a lot like my ex-gf who would also break up her relationship with childhood friends because they didn't respond on time. It was surprising for me but slowly got too much for me to handle. I was very patient with her and try to understand everything and we went to couples counseling but she also had a lot of other stressors in life such as money, other medical problems, childhood trauma etc.

Friend was never easy-going, but was a normal, fun person to be around. Only over the past two or three years, did she start getting offended and cutting off friendships, and our hanging out increasingly consists of her complaining about people. The personality change didn't happen overnight, but over the course of many months. Her kids really became challenging and rebellious as teens, so maybe that's a part of it. But she does not have childhood trauma or the severe medical issues your ex girlfriend has, and no known depression. What a bummer that therapy did not work for your ex. Even when you know the other person doesn't mean to be difficult, it is still really important to protect yourself and your happiness.

Thanks OP! I think your friend also needs some time to cool-off. Her DH could be patient but probably don't help her around house or kids stuff as much. Stay in touch with her even if she is in a bad mood. I have learned to communicate via texts when my ex-gf was having a bad mood because she would be very snappy and would get irritated or angry even if I ask a small normal question. It was not right for me to continue receiving her emotional punches or anger and I decided to separate myself from the situation. She is also very adamant. I always wondered if she has any kind of personality disorder because she would be very sweet a few mins ago calling me "love of her life", " her BFF", soulmates, etc and then get very angry that she would take a red eye flight back from west coast over a small argument. She is certainly in peri-menopause and have a few other hormonal problems. I feel sad for her and us but there is nothing you can do if some one is so focused on self-sabotaging.

wow! This is just crazy. Does she have some kind of personality disorder? This doesn't sound normal.