Helping a friend with mood issues in perimenopause

[Anonymous]

Looking for ways to support a friend who is going through a lot of mood issues in perimenopause. She does recognize she is going through perimenopause, and I have already been through this so I definitely empathize and want to be there for her. I'm noticing she is getting cranky with other friends and distancing herself from them for what I consider minor disagreements. She is suddenly really angry at her husband for not helping out more around the house that she has even mentioned divorce. I think he does help, but just not exactly in the way she wants him to.

Is there anything I can say that might help? I am also sort of worried that our friendship will also be in jeopardy if I push back on her complaints about other people. But I also don't just want to agree with everything she says if it means encouraging her to burn bridges with friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Is she asking for help?

[Anonymous]

When she’s in a good mood, gently ask her if she wants you to use a code word for when you think she is maybe reacting a particular way as a result of perimenopausal mood swings. Make a joke of it and remind her you’ve been there, and frame it like the two of you are coming up with a strategy together. See if she gets on board with the idea.

Otherwise just make noncommittal sounds when she complains, but be honest-if-diplomatic if she asks you flat out for your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she’s in a good mood, gently ask her if she wants you to use a code word for when you think she is maybe reacting a particular way as a result of perimenopausal mood swings. Make a joke of it and remind her you’ve been there, and frame it like the two of you are coming up with a strategy together. See if she gets on board with the idea.

Otherwise just make noncommittal sounds when she complains, but be honest-if-diplomatic if she asks you flat out for your opinion.

I like your ideas, thank you. I also agree I have to be careful because advice doesn't work if it isn't welcome. She has never asked me whether I think she is reacting a certain way as a result of peri mood swings, but there have been times she has come to this realization on her own after feeling better, and maybe next time she brings this up I can jokingly suggest the code word.

[Anonymous]

Can you suggest HRT? This was a fabulous help for me!

[Anonymous]

Does she gave a gyn she trusts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you suggest HRT? This was a fabulous help for me!

She has started HRT at the suggestion of another friend. Is HRT kind of like antidepressants in that you have to experiment a bit before finding the dose or type or treatment that works for you, or is there a pretty standard regimen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she gave a gyn she trusts?

I think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she gave a gyn she trusts?

I think so.

what I mean is, she definitely has a gyn, but I am not sure about the trust issue

[Anonymous]

Op, thanks for helping your friend. How old is she? I have recently gone through this with my ex-gf and whatever you do doesn't help much. HRT is somewhat helpful but don't reply on it too much. Has she gained weight recently? any other thryoid issues?

My ex-gf would suddenly snap and scold me for a very small thing and then didn't realize she did that. If you or her DH are around then they would face her anger. It is a delicate balance in which you have to support but still make sure to protect yourself and not become the punching bag.

[Anonymous]

Zoloft

[Anonymous]

Suggest hrt if and where appropriate but better for you to ask if they want you
To just listen or actually give thoughts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, thanks for helping your friend. How old is she? I have recently gone through this with my ex-gf and whatever you do doesn't help much. HRT is somewhat helpful but don't reply on it too much. Has she gained weight recently? any other thryoid issues?

My ex-gf would suddenly snap and scold me for a very small thing and then didn't realize she did that. If you or her DH are around then they would face her anger. It is a delicate balance in which you have to support but still make sure to protect yourself and not become the punching bag.

She is close to 50, and I noticed the mood change has been going on for a couple of years before it got bad to the point she realized it herself. She has gained weight, but I think pretty much for everyone our age I know has gained some weight also, so not out of the ordinary?

She doesn't snap at me, but does at her DH and kids because she is around them more. I just hear a lot of complaining and gripes about our mutual friends and coworkers that I have no problems with. This is tough to hear when I feel the complaining is becoming constant. I am mostly worried her mood is going to affect her marriage and her relationship with her kids if the arguing continues. I am trying to gently suggest therapy. I don't know how much of it is typical peri and will resolve on its own, or whether this could be something more severe than typical peri symptoms. Everyone is different, but for me my mood swings suddenly went away after menopause.

[Anonymous]

Butt out.

She has a gyn, is taking HRT, etc.

What will you contribute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Butt out.

She has a gyn, is taking HRT, etc.

What will you contribute?

+1