Do you compromise on sexual frequency in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not frequency as much as timing - I strongly prefer morning sex and he wants it before going to sleep. We end up about 50/50.

+100 on morning - who wants to deal with a big meal/day of stress/etc (M) who posted above with wife who has different preferences but we make it work/compromise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She used to complain 3 times a week wasn't enough. Now she is going through menopause and complaining that once a month a too much. All about her. I'm stuck in the marriage.

How old are you guys? Same issues I am having with my fiancee and I am 43 and he is 44. I just don't have much interest in sex and I could see resentment building up in him because of that.

If you are honest with him and he knows what he is signing up for, I don't see any issues. He's 44 and should have learned a few things by now.

we have been together for 3+ years and my sex drive has gone down quite a lot. I have gained a lot of weight and have a few medical issues in addition to being really busy with work. I could see us falling apart because of that as he has shown his strong desires for more sex several times in our discussions but I can't bring myself to it because either I am too tired or have no desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not frequency as much as timing - I strongly prefer morning sex and he wants it before going to sleep. We end up about 50/50.

+100 on morning - who wants to deal with a big meal/day of stress/etc (M) who posted above with wife who has different preferences but we make it work/compromise

totally agree on morning sex. Wood is strong, desire is there to be in warm cozy bed and we both enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She used to complain 3 times a week wasn't enough. Now she is going through menopause and complaining that once a month a too much. All about her. I'm stuck in the marriage.

How old are you guys? Same issues I am having with my fiancee and I am 43 and he is 44. I just don't have much interest in sex and I could see resentment building up in him because of that.

If you are honest with him and he knows what he is signing up for, I don't see any issues. He's 44 and should have learned a few things by now.

Yup 43 married 15 years. We make it work even if it's not always what I want in the moment (M posting F wife)

How often you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She used to complain 3 times a week wasn't enough. Now she is going through menopause and complaining that once a month a too much. All about her. I'm stuck in the marriage.

How old are you guys? Same issues I am having with my fiancee and I am 43 and he is 44. I just don't have much interest in sex and I could see resentment building up in him because of that.

If you are honest with him and he knows what he is signing up for, I don't see any issues. He's 44 and should have learned a few things by now.

we have been together for 3+ years and my sex drive has gone down quite a lot. I have gained a lot of weight and have a few medical issues in addition to being really busy with work. I could see us falling apart because of that as he has shown his strong desires for more sex several times in our discussions but I can't bring myself to it because either I am too tired or have no desire.

It sounds like you are not pulling a bait and switch and are both happy with the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He wants nothing to do with and he's great in every other respect so I have accepted it. That's the compromise.

How do you survive?!

You get used to it.

How is he so great if he refuses to do something that’s so important? Is it not that important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t everyone? Find it hard to imagine having perfectly matched libidos.

Husband generally wants more, we wld probably have sex 2-3 times a week if we based it on my libido alone, but usually we are closer to 5 times a week. He would prefer everyday.

When the kids are away, we have sex at least twice a day, but it is hard for me to be relaxed enough for that while kid wrangling.

One major observation early after our first kid was born is that husband has sex to relax, and I need to be relaxed to want to have sex. So when we are having a bonkers week he actively takes over more kid stuff to ensure I can be relaxed. It’s not like oh I did x, let’s have sex, more like you’re stressed and I want hot sex, how can I help you also want sex?

I’m jealous. That’s really sweet that will help out like that to get you in the mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She used to complain 3 times a week wasn't enough. Now she is going through menopause and complaining that once a month a too much. All about her. I'm stuck in the marriage.

How old are you guys? Same issues I am having with my fiancee and I am 43 and he is 44. I just don't have much interest in sex and I could see resentment building up in him because of that.

If you guys are not married yet, you might want to rethink getting married. This could turn out to be a big, big problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants nothing to do with and he's great in every other respect so I have accepted it. That's the compromise.

Wait, making sure I read this right. He doesn’t want to have sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She used to complain 3 times a week wasn't enough. Now she is going through menopause and complaining that once a month a too much. All about her. I'm stuck in the marriage.

How old are you guys? Same issues I am having with my fiancee and I am 43 and he is 44. I just don't have much interest in sex and I could see resentment building up in him because of that.

If you guys are not married yet, you might want to rethink getting married. This could turn out to be a big, big problem.

Thinking about it but I also blame myself for something like this if we ever break up. It came close to breaking up a couple of times and I am taking medical help but it is not working and it is also making me very unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is an issue for us. When we started dating and even when we first got married, it was not an issue at all — if anything, she wanted it more. Now, after some health issues for her combined with menopause, her libido has plummeted — though she says she is still attracted to me (and I believe her). Meanwhile, after stopping porn and other major changes I made in my life, my desire for her has never been higher.

Here’s our compromise — we still try to have sex at least once a week. In between that, we shower together most days and she gives me HJ releases there. I find it sexy and fun, it shows her desire for me, and the release definitely helps with my “pent up” energy for her. We arrived at this point after some serious marriage counseling though and both of us realizing that we needed to make compromises. It didn’t happen overnight.

We also still kiss a lot — like real kisses, not little pecks. Those help a lot too.

[Anonymous]

I would take once a week.
She doesn’t want it at all.
We compromised by not having any and me not paying 3 child supports.

[Anonymous]

I’d like 2-3 times per week and he’ll gladly go 2 weeks to a month without. We compromise by me losing my shit on day 30.

[Anonymous]

Interesting how many men here don’t want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how many men here don’t want it.

Because the men who do want it are either having it or browsing a different sort of website.