Would you date a man who has no friends but willing to make new friends

[Anonymous]

Why doesn’t he have any friends? Is there something in his personality that makes it hard to choose good friends and sustain those friendships and that same thing could carry over to romantic relationships? A lot of men I know don’t have many friends but they do have 1-4 between high school or college but might not live near them.

Where/how would he make new friends? I’m not social enough to host/plan outings with big groups nor do I enjoy constant socializing with other couples so I would not be a source of friends for a significant other.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am glad I didn't listen to you guys when I met my wife. She had zero friends, none. She turned out to be an incredible wife. She does make an effort to go out with me and I appreciate that.

Or, are you guys saying that only a man with no friends is a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I married a man who had no friends. I divorced him almost 20 years later. He hid his worst qualities for several years through dating and the beginning of marriage then kids. Looking back I think his lack of friends was due to a lack of effort on his part, which ended up carrying over into every aspect of his life. He couldn’t be bothered, with anything.

When I finally started dating after my divorce one of my only criteria is that the man have social relationships.

[Anonymous]

why does he have no friends is it because he smells bad and is mean? Lacks social skills?

That would be concerning.


Many people with friends are just cesspools of toxic behavior.

However you should be realistic he's probably never going to be the guy who will love going on couples nights and vacations. He might go for these from time to time. but unlikely that he's going to become mr. social butterfly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who had no friends. I divorced him almost 20 years later. He hid his worst qualities for several years through dating and the beginning of marriage then kids. Looking back I think his lack of friends was due to a lack of effort on his part, which ended up carrying over into every aspect of his life. He couldn’t be bothered, with anything.

When I finally started dating after my divorce one of my only criteria is that the man have social relationships.

That's a stretch to generalize lol. Lack of friends does not equate lack of hobbies. I like to hike. One of the guy I hike with sometimes is a loner. But he is a totally normal guy, he has been married for 25 years. Sometimes his wife joins him, but he mostly hikes alone.

Isn't that a social life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why does he have no friends is it because he smells bad and is mean? Lacks social skills?

That would be concerning.


Many people with friends are just cesspools of toxic behavior.

However you should be realistic he's probably never going to be the guy who will love going on couples nights and vacations. He might go for these from time to time. but unlikely that he's going to become mr. social butterfly.

I'll be careful with these cliches. DH sadly drags me into these with people I don't enjoy spending time with and I have told him repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My husband didn't have any friends. He had zero friends. But when he is totally normal and social around people. He just enjoys being by himself a lot. But when are together we are inseparable. We have 3 kids married 20 years.

+1 but only 1 kid

He is very grounded and emotionally intelligent. He had/has quiet wealth, so a lot of people couldn't afford to do the things he enjoyed, and those that could he didn't really get along with. He is very social, but guarded as to who he lets get very close. He enjoys being with me, but is not hounding me if we aren't together.

[Anonymous]

Well, he's probably on the spectrum, and even though having no friends isn't that big of a deal, it's the rest of the spectrum-y behaviors and outlook that might pose a problem in your relationship later.

This is my husband. He has no friends. He enjoys the company of my friends. This is not a problem at all. But some of his other autism-related behavioral issues have been difficult to manage: he can get very stubborn and fixated on certain things, he can over-react or under-react in certain situations because he doesn't quite understand what the standard emotional reaction should be... that sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman, and I would say I have no friends, but a lot of friendly acquantainces. Some of them would say we are friends. But I definitely don't have a "tribe", which most women do. If I were growing up now, I'm pretty sure I'd be diagnosed on the spectrum. I'm a good partner, though, and If I ever get married again (I'm a widow), I will marry someone who has many friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a red flag.

It has nothing to do with introversion or this or that. You are setting yourself up for a man who doesn’t have buddies to hang out with, chat with, etc. You will become his everything. Hell no.

I'd love a strong marriage like that.
I don't need a man who goes on fishing trips or benders with his buds every weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why does he have no friends is it because he smells bad and is mean? Lacks social skills?

That would be concerning.


Many people with friends are just cesspools of toxic behavior.

However you should be realistic he's probably never going to be the guy who will love going on couples nights and vacations. He might go for these from time to time. but unlikely that he's going to become mr. social butterfly.

I'll be careful with these cliches. DH sadly drags me into these with people I don't enjoy spending time with and I have told him repeatedly.

Ugh, this is the worst and it happens to me occasionally too. I'm dreading NYE for this reason ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman, and I would say I have no friends, but a lot of friendly acquantainces. Some of them would say we are friends. But I definitely don't have a "tribe", which most women do. If I were growing up now, I'm pretty sure I'd be diagnosed on the spectrum. I'm a good partner, though, and If I ever get married again (I'm a widow), I will marry someone who has many friends.

I don't have a "tribe" either, and at this point I'm not convinced that most women do. I think some women do have a tribe, and we feel badly for not having it, but that there are lots of us out here feeling badly for not having it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a red flag.

It has nothing to do with introversion or this or that. You are setting yourself up for a man who doesn’t have buddies to hang out with, chat with, etc. You will become his everything. Hell no.

I'd love a strong marriage like that.
I don't need a man who goes on fishing trips or benders with his buds every weekend.

Becoming someone's "everything" does not necessarily = a strong marriage. That's one of those "be careful what you wish for" things -- I would not want to be someone's everything at all. People need to have their own interests and relationships, otherwise they aren't a well rounded person and aren't bringing as much, or even much at all, to the table.

[Anonymous]

You left out the WHY.
My ex had no friends and his 7 bothers and sister have no friends. Guess what he did to my friends? Guess what he did to me?

[Anonymous]

My husband had no friends when we met. Well almost. He has a friend in Arizona he speaks to on the phone once every 3 months for like 2 hours lol.

But he is friendly with the dads in the neighborhood.

My husband says his 2 best friends are me and his Ninja 650.

If he didn't have a hobby (motorcycling which I hate cause I am always scared and found myself crying every time he is gone), I don't think our relationship would work.

The lack of friends is not the issue. Not having a life outside your spouse is the issue.