Charisma is a damaging lie

[Anonymous]

I mean, is there an objective definition of "charismatic?" It means that people are drawn to you, right? But what draws people in differs both from person to person and across cultures and time.

The issue is that many in our society have come to value certain personality traits/behavior that are truly toxic.

[Anonymous]

Charisma is a combination of

Money

+

Noticeable attention to them by others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is very charismatic. Everyone likes him. He’s also a truly lovely person.

This is my husband. But I'm smart enough not to say that here because this is the kind of thing that brings out the jealous trolls.

Nope. Charisma is part and parcel of a defective personality. Everyone should be about as exciting as *lightly* toasted bread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Charisma is a combination of

Money

+

Noticeable attention to them by others

….no.

[Anonymous]

I’m charming/charismatic naturally, but also am a huge nerd and weirdo. I hide the weird, nerdy parts of myself in the public sphere and lean heavily into the charm/charisma and - guess what? - it’s helped me a lot: socially, professionally, and day-to-day.

Blame society, not the person. Or, put another way, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is very charismatic. Everyone likes him. He’s also a truly lovely person.

This is my husband. But I'm smart enough not to say that here because this is the kind of thing that brings out the jealous trolls.

Nope. Charisma is part and parcel of a defective personality. Everyone should be about as exciting as *lightly* toasted bread.

You’re just mad you’re not charismatic.

I hate when charmless people think there’s something “wrong” with those who possess personal magnetism.

[Anonymous]

Trump is the antithesis of charismatic.

[Anonymous]

I think you mean con artist. One can be a decent person with charisma.

But there are definitely con artists or manipulators. I've been conned at work a couple of times, used for advancement and then dropped. And everyone should be humble enough to understand thst they can be conned. Some people don't think they can be. See also: social engineering.

[Anonymous]

Most of the people who ever met my father thought he was a terrific guy - charismatic, jovial, great joke teller, happy to help you change a tire etc.

At home he beat and raped my mother and beat us kids and bullied us relentlessly our entire childhoods. My eldest brother just died the day after Thanksgiving, finally losing a lifelong battle with addictions he developed in his early teen years to cope with the early childhood trauma of nearly seeing his mother strangled to death and being abused by and then abandoned by his father. My other two siblings are alcoholics and not great parents, their kids also struggle with addiction. I have different addictions and have struggled with mental health issues since I was a teen and my first suicide attempt I was only 14.

My dad was so charming. Malignant narcissists often are, that’s how they lure their victims. They wear masks, behind which are monsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is very charismatic. Everyone likes him. He’s also a truly lovely person.

This is my husband. But I'm smart enough not to say that here because this is the kind of thing that brings out the jealous trolls.

Nope. Charisma is part and parcel of a defective personality. Everyone should be about as exciting as *lightly* toasted bread.

You’re just mad you’re not charismatic.

I hate when charmless people think there’s something “wrong” with those who possess personal magnetism.

Sounds to close to Franz Mesmer and you know what happened there.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I didn't say all charismatic people are bad. I said that they can be bad, and the charisma will conceal what is negative about them, and this is dangerous.

My suggestion is simply to remember this fact and not be taken in by charisma when someone has not properly proven themselves through their deeds. Regarding Trump, something my DH often says is to not listen to what he says, just look at what he does. It's good advice. Sometimes we are all too easily swayed by the appearance of intelligence, competence, or leadership, and it results in poor choices and regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I didn't say all charismatic people are bad. I said that they can be bad, and the charisma will conceal what is negative about them, and this is dangerous.

My suggestion is simply to remember this fact and not be taken in by charisma when someone has not properly proven themselves through their deeds. Regarding Trump, something my DH often says is to not listen to what he says, just look at what he does. It's good advice. Sometimes we are all too easily swayed by the appearance of intelligence, competence, or leadership, and it results in poor choices and regret.

The problem here is that you think Trump is charismatic. He's a populist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I didn't say all charismatic people are bad. I said that they can be bad, and the charisma will conceal what is negative about them, and this is dangerous.

My suggestion is simply to remember this fact and not be taken in by charisma when someone has not properly proven themselves through their deeds. Regarding Trump, something my DH often says is to not listen to what he says, just look at what he does. It's good advice. Sometimes we are all too easily swayed by the appearance of intelligence, competence, or leadership, and it results in poor choices and regret.

The problem here is that you think Trump is charismatic. He's a populist.

Trump is charismatic. He used to be more so. He uses bombast and humor to catch people off guard and sway them to his side, even when he's being transparently selfish. He absolutely used charisma to build his real estate empire, relying on an outsized confidence and conviction of his own value to get people to give him what he wants. He has used his charisma to charm women, investors, the media, and the American public into giving him things he would not otherwise deserve. Sure, he sometimes utilizes populism to accomplish this, but not always -- his tariffs, for instance, are nearly universally disliked, and yet he persists.

A lot of you are struggling with this because you think of charisma as a positive quality, because you have felt that warm glow of being near a charismatic person and feeling their light shine on you. THAT'S THE WHOLE PROBLEM. Charisma is a trick. Sure, there may be some benevolent people who use their charisma for good, to do good works. But mostly not, because most people are not benevolent. Most people are selfish, self-centered, and a little bit stupid. So most charisma gets used for advancing individual interests, most of which are not great. Trump is an extreme example but not an outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I didn't say all charismatic people are bad. I said that they can be bad, and the charisma will conceal what is negative about them, and this is dangerous.

My suggestion is simply to remember this fact and not be taken in by charisma when someone has not properly proven themselves through their deeds. Regarding Trump, something my DH often says is to not listen to what he says, just look at what he does. It's good advice. Sometimes we are all too easily swayed by the appearance of intelligence, competence, or leadership, and it results in poor choices and regret.

The problem here is that you think Trump is charismatic. He's a populist.

NP. I don’t like Trump at all but he’s certainly charismatic. I was obsessed with The Apprentice when it was popular, mostly due to him. (In all fairness to me, I was in high school.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I didn't say all charismatic people are bad. I said that they can be bad, and the charisma will conceal what is negative about them, and this is dangerous.

My suggestion is simply to remember this fact and not be taken in by charisma when someone has not properly proven themselves through their deeds. Regarding Trump, something my DH often says is to not listen to what he says, just look at what he does. It's good advice. Sometimes we are all too easily swayed by the appearance of intelligence, competence, or leadership, and it results in poor choices and regret.

The problem here is that you think Trump is charismatic. He's a populist.

NP. I don’t like Trump at all but he’s certainly charismatic. I was obsessed with The Apprentice when it was popular, mostly due to him. (In all fairness to me, I was in high school.)

He appeared for about 5 minutes in every episode.