Controlling GF don't leave me alone - stuff pick up after break-up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both in our early 40s and I broke up with my GF of 3 years as she was having some behavioral issues with disrespect and being controlling and non-committed towards relationship. She wants to be close and everything is fine and happy for a month or so and then she would blow up on a small conflict that nothing is working and she wants out or that we are done. I was fed up of this erratic nature and ended it. She had a lot of stuff at my house and I asked her to bring a big truck so everything could go at one time but she only brought a small u-haul along with a family member. I packed most of her stuff as it would be easier and also to avoid any kinds of argument or issues during packing since I want it to be over too and it is hard for me as well. She knew that there were a lot of issues from her side and asked me to take her back so that she could work on them but I didn't because we have already gone over these things in the past and I can't trust her that these changes would be permanent. She goes into weird mood swings and rage from time to time and it is very unsettling. She was thankful for my help and left me a nice note like this:

"Thank you for making the pick up so smooth and helping with packing. I underestimated how much stuff there was. I know you see me like I’m not feeling the pain or the hurt but I am. On my own in my own way. When I’m alone and allowed to be vulnerable. When I pick up the phone to txt you or wonder why i haven’t heard from you. It comes back in waves. I appreciate and I’m grateful for having you in my life even if for short time. Perhaps this will be one of things in my life I regret. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I only hope it’s filled with happiness! 🥹"

She is supposed to come back again to pick up the her rest of the items but also communicated about a couple of other things for which I am not engaging much and keeping it as business since I am also healing and responding back within a day or so. She wants to be friends(asked 5-6 times) after the break-up but I told her NO as it doesn't work for me and I need to heal. Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue she sent me a nasty message and may be trying to pick a fight:

"[i]I’ll add the concert ticket total to that as well. And as for picking up my stuff, thank you for trying to work with me and I’ll do my best with your short notice. And I wished you give me more dignity in getting my stuff than you just throwing things in boxes as if I were some crazy person and not the person you had intended to marry not that long ago. I would have never done the same to you.
You told me I was to call on you as a my friend one day, but today you are more like my enemy.Don’t engage that’s fine. I’m just getting it off my chest."[I]

I put her stuff nicely and arranged it in boxes to the best of my capacity and took me almost 3 days to collect everything. Ofcourse, she is angry and probably upset about the break-up and I didn't respond to the message but I am wondering if I should interact with her during return pick-up as she might create more drama or handle it some other way?

Way too many words

Yet still saying way too little. OP leaves out the details of the "Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue..." Nah, not "out of the blue". OP's complaining about the 3 days he spent packing, but it sounds like he wasn't respectful. If you've lived with someone long enough that they have a U-haul's worth of stuff in a home your shared, let them move it themselves. Be in the home, but out of the way and don't be such a control freak. Communicate in a timely fashion as needed to pinch things off. Don't play games.

Coming to DCUM and wall-o-texting like this strongly suggests OP already knows where they're they jerk (too), and left it out intentionally to justify his "she's so crazy" narrative. Fishy af.

[Anonymous]

How much notice was she given on this eviction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both in our early 40s and I broke up with my GF of 3 years as she was having some behavioral issues with disrespect and being controlling and non-committed towards relationship. She wants to be close and everything is fine and happy for a month or so and then she would blow up on a small conflict that nothing is working and she wants out or that we are done. I was fed up of this erratic nature and ended it. She had a lot of stuff at my house and I asked her to bring a big truck so everything could go at one time but she only brought a small u-haul along with a family member. I packed most of her stuff as it would be easier and also to avoid any kinds of argument or issues during packing since I want it to be over too and it is hard for me as well. She knew that there were a lot of issues from her side and asked me to take her back so that she could work on them but I didn't because we have already gone over these things in the past and I can't trust her that these changes would be permanent. She goes into weird mood swings and rage from time to time and it is very unsettling. She was thankful for my help and left me a nice note like this:

"Thank you for making the pick up so smooth and helping with packing. I underestimated how much stuff there was. I know you see me like I’m not feeling the pain or the hurt but I am. On my own in my own way. When I’m alone and allowed to be vulnerable. When I pick up the phone to txt you or wonder why i haven’t heard from you. It comes back in waves. I appreciate and I’m grateful for having you in my life even if for short time. Perhaps this will be one of things in my life I regret. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I only hope it’s filled with happiness! 🥹"

She is supposed to come back again to pick up the her rest of the items but also communicated about a couple of other things for which I am not engaging much and keeping it as business since I am also healing and responding back within a day or so. She wants to be friends(asked 5-6 times) after the break-up but I told her NO as it doesn't work for me and I need to heal. Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue she sent me a nasty message and may be trying to pick a fight:

"[i]I’ll add the concert ticket total to that as well. And as for picking up my stuff, thank you for trying to work with me and I’ll do my best with your short notice. And I wished you give me more dignity in getting my stuff than you just throwing things in boxes as if I were some crazy person and not the person you had intended to marry not that long ago. I would have never done the same to you.
You told me I was to call on you as a my friend one day, but today you are more like my enemy.Don’t engage that’s fine. I’m just getting it off my chest."[I]

I put her stuff nicely and arranged it in boxes to the best of my capacity and took me almost 3 days to collect everything. Ofcourse, she is angry and probably upset about the break-up and I didn't respond to the message but I am wondering if I should interact with her during return pick-up as she might create more drama or handle it some other way?

Way too many words

Yet still saying way too little. OP leaves out the details of the "Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue..." Nah, not "out of the blue". OP's complaining about the 3 days he spent packing, but it sounds like he wasn't respectful. If you've lived with someone long enough that they have a U-haul's worth of stuff in a home your shared, let them move it themselves. Be in the home, but out of the way and don't be such a control freak. Communicate in a timely fashion as needed to pinch things off. Don't play games.

Coming to DCUM and wall-o-texting like this strongly suggests OP already knows where they're they jerk (too), and left it out intentionally to justify his "she's so crazy" narrative. Fishy af.

+1 yeah I don’t like it. 3 years? She can’t assemble her own stuff? Fishy af

[Anonymous]

Not fishy at all if she’s controlling or emotionally erratic. Been there before and my gay partner would not leave without making a scene. Do you really want that person to spend 3 days picking stuff around house. OP’s gf sounds abusive if she’s changing herself so quickly. Agree on the witnesses.

[Anonymous]

Op, you need to be very careful with this. Make a list of items and send it to her in advance so she should know what to expect. Very minimum interaction and let her take everything that belongs to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds emotionally erratic. This could be a mental health issue or a physical disease that is causing behavioral issues, but regardless, not your problem if you don't want to make it your problem. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Interact as little as possible, and make it neutral if you have to.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both in our early 40s and I broke up with my GF of 3 years as she was having some behavioral issues with disrespect and being controlling and non-committed towards relationship. She wants to be close and everything is fine and happy for a month or so and then she would blow up on a small conflict that nothing is working and she wants out or that we are done. I was fed up of this erratic nature and ended it. She had a lot of stuff at my house and I asked her to bring a big truck so everything could go at one time but she only brought a small u-haul along with a family member. I packed most of her stuff as it would be easier and also to avoid any kinds of argument or issues during packing since I want it to be over too and it is hard for me as well. She knew that there were a lot of issues from her side and asked me to take her back so that she could work on them but I didn't because we have already gone over these things in the past and I can't trust her that these changes would be permanent. She goes into weird mood swings and rage from time to time and it is very unsettling. She was thankful for my help and left me a nice note like this:

"Thank you for making the pick up so smooth and helping with packing. I underestimated how much stuff there was. I know you see me like I’m not feeling the pain or the hurt but I am. On my own in my own way. When I’m alone and allowed to be vulnerable. When I pick up the phone to txt you or wonder why i haven’t heard from you. It comes back in waves. I appreciate and I’m grateful for having you in my life even if for short time. Perhaps this will be one of things in my life I regret. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I only hope it’s filled with happiness! 🥹"

She is supposed to come back again to pick up the her rest of the items but also communicated about a couple of other things for which I am not engaging much and keeping it as business since I am also healing and responding back within a day or so. She wants to be friends(asked 5-6 times) after the break-up but I told her NO as it doesn't work for me and I need to heal. Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue she sent me a nasty message and may be trying to pick a fight:

"[i]I’ll add the concert ticket total to that as well. And as for picking up my stuff, thank you for trying to work with me and I’ll do my best with your short notice. And I wished you give me more dignity in getting my stuff than you just throwing things in boxes as if I were some crazy person and not the person you had intended to marry not that long ago. I would have never done the same to you.
You told me I was to call on you as a my friend one day, but today you are more like my enemy.Don’t engage that’s fine. I’m just getting it off my chest."[I]

I put her stuff nicely and arranged it in boxes to the best of my capacity and took me almost 3 days to collect everything. Ofcourse, she is angry and probably upset about the break-up and I didn't respond to the message but I am wondering if I should interact with her during return pick-up as she might create more drama or handle it some other way?

Way too many words

Yet still saying way too little. OP leaves out the details of the "Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue..." Nah, not "out of the blue". OP's complaining about the 3 days he spent packing, but it sounds like he wasn't respectful. If you've lived with someone long enough that they have a U-haul's worth of stuff in a home your shared, let them move it themselves. Be in the home, but out of the way and don't be such a control freak. Communicate in a timely fashion as needed to pinch things off. Don't play games.

Coming to DCUM and wall-o-texting like this strongly suggests OP already knows where they're they jerk (too), and left it out intentionally to justify his "she's so crazy" narrative. Fishy af.

+1 yeah I don’t like it. 3 years? She can’t assemble her own stuff? Fishy af

You never know how the relationship went down and staying quiet and away is also for your own sanity and healing and has nothing to do with other person. People deal with their emotions in a different way and OP is within his rights to protect himself for anything crazy she could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds emotionally erratic. This could be a mental health issue or a physical disease that is causing behavioral issues, but regardless, not your problem if you don't want to make it your problem. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Interact as little as possible, and make it neutral if you have to.

+1

This is to the point. Whether she is emotionally erratic or not, emotions would be running high for her and looking at her response, she is looking to pick a fight so you have to be careful how you would handle yourself around her. Stay calm and let her take things even if she is acting aggressive. This is probably the last time you are going to interact with her.

[Anonymous]

OP, does she have BPD or bi-polar? This much emotionally erratic nature could be a sign of underline problem and not sure if she got it checked.

[Anonymous]

People have weird expectations of unreliable partners. OP’s GF has a history of erratic and unpredictable behavior. Right. This is a problem with OP needs to solve for himself himself. He needs to stop engaging, pack her things, and either have them delivered or put them in a one month storage facility. Yes he is probably going to have to eat the cost. Sometimes you have to make a problem like this go away.

My volatile and irritating ex threatened to walk out on me for a year, but could never be decisive or organized enough to do it. Ultimately, I packed his things, hired movers, put his things in storage and change the locks. This was done in 48 hours. When you’re done you have to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have weird expectations of unreliable partners. OP’s GF has a history of erratic and unpredictable behavior. Right. This is a problem with OP needs to solve for himself himself. He needs to stop engaging, pack her things, and either have them delivered or put them in a one month storage facility. Yes he is probably going to have to eat the cost. Sometimes you have to make a problem like this go away.

My volatile and irritating ex threatened to walk out on me for a year, but could never be decisive or organized enough to do it. Ultimately, I packed his things, hired movers, put his things in storage and change the locks. This was done in 48 hours. When you’re done you have to be done.

This is exactly what's happening with OP and his GF. She has been threatening him with a break-up and he called her bluff and now she is upset. I think it is good for him to pack her stuff and put it aside for which she thanked but then turn around and started getting angry on him. It looks like she is looking for a fight and might do so in the future because these kind of people love drama. Noone would be interested in becoming friends with her with this kind of behavior and I wonder how she is with her own family members. I am waiting to hear back from OP to see how the last pick-up went.

[Anonymous]

Op, your ex-gf sounds like a lunatic and she could go to lengths in taking her anger out or make some stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be friends later on (possibly!) but you both need to fully heal ➕ move on first.

Not the OP, but F no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does she have BPD or bi-polar? This much emotionally erratic nature could be a sign of underline problem and not sure if she got it checked.

Not his problem …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can be friends later on (possibly!) but you both need to fully heal ➕ move on first.

Not the OP, but F no.

Exactly my thoughts. Op's gf is immature and she will be the user if Op ended up being friends with her. These kind of people don't bring anything more to the table if they didn't during the relationship phase. Stay away and that's the only you would heal, OP. Any contact with her is going to be an emotional rollercoaster or nice things and then angry outbursts.