Controlling GF don't leave me alone - stuff pick up after break-up

[Anonymous]

We are both in our early 40s and I broke up with my GF of 3 years as she was having some behavioral issues with disrespect and being controlling and non-committed towards relationship. She wants to be close and everything is fine and happy for a month or so and then she would blow up on a small conflict that nothing is working and she wants out or that we are done. I was fed up of this erratic nature and ended it. She had a lot of stuff at my house and I asked her to bring a big truck so everything could go at one time but she only brought a small u-haul along with a family member. I packed most of her stuff as it would be easier and also to avoid any kinds of argument or issues during packing since I want it to be over too and it is hard for me as well. She knew that there were a lot of issues from her side and asked me to take her back so that she could work on them but I didn't because we have already gone over these things in the past and I can't trust her that these changes would be permanent. She goes into weird mood swings and rage from time to time and it is very unsettling. She was thankful for my help and left me a nice note like this:

"Thank you for making the pick up so smooth and helping with packing. I underestimated how much stuff there was. I know you see me like I’m not feeling the pain or the hurt but I am. On my own in my own way. When I’m alone and allowed to be vulnerable. When I pick up the phone to txt you or wonder why i haven’t heard from you. It comes back in waves. I appreciate and I’m grateful for having you in my life even if for short time. Perhaps this will be one of things in my life I regret. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I only hope it’s filled with happiness! 🥹"

She is supposed to come back again to pick up the her rest of the items but also communicated about a couple of other things for which I am not engaging much and keeping it as business since I am also healing and responding back within a day or so. She wants to be friends(asked 5-6 times) after the break-up but I told her NO as it doesn't work for me and I need to heal. Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue she sent me a nasty message and may be trying to pick a fight:

"[i]I’ll add the concert ticket total to that as well. And as for picking up my stuff, thank you for trying to work with me and I’ll do my best with your short notice. And I wished you give me more dignity in getting my stuff than you just throwing things in boxes as if I were some crazy person and not the person you had intended to marry not that long ago. I would have never done the same to you.
You told me I was to call on you as a my friend one day, but today you are more like my enemy.Don’t engage that’s fine. I’m just getting it off my chest."[I]

I put her stuff nicely and arranged it in boxes to the best of my capacity and took me almost 3 days to collect everything. Ofcourse, she is angry and probably upset about the break-up and I didn't respond to the message but I am wondering if I should interact with her during return pick-up as she might create more drama or handle it some other way?

[Anonymous]

You can put cameras or bring all her stuff to the front when she comes because it looks like she would come in angry.

[Anonymous]

why would she thanked you for something and then attack back? Leave her alone, she is going through a lot of emotions. Hope she settles soon.

[Anonymous]

She sounds emotionally erratic. This could be a mental health issue or a physical disease that is causing behavioral issues, but regardless, not your problem if you don't want to make it your problem. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Interact as little as possible, and make it neutral if you have to.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds emotionally erratic. This could be a mental health issue or a physical disease that is causing behavioral issues, but regardless, not your problem if you don't want to make it your problem. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Interact as little as possible, and make it neutral if you have to.

This. Has she always been like this or something that happened recently? Avoidants' usually don't make good partners unless they work on themselves and her attack sounds more like begging for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both in our early 40s and I broke up with my GF of 3 years as she was having some behavioral issues with disrespect and being controlling and non-committed towards relationship. She wants to be close and everything is fine and happy for a month or so and then she would blow up on a small conflict that nothing is working and she wants out or that we are done. I was fed up of this erratic nature and ended it. She had a lot of stuff at my house and I asked her to bring a big truck so everything could go at one time but she only brought a small u-haul along with a family member. I packed most of her stuff as it would be easier and also to avoid any kinds of argument or issues during packing since I want it to be over too and it is hard for me as well. She knew that there were a lot of issues from her side and asked me to take her back so that she could work on them but I didn't because we have already gone over these things in the past and I can't trust her that these changes would be permanent. She goes into weird mood swings and rage from time to time and it is very unsettling. She was thankful for my help and left me a nice note like this:

"Thank you for making the pick up so smooth and helping with packing. I underestimated how much stuff there was. I know you see me like I’m not feeling the pain or the hurt but I am. On my own in my own way. When I’m alone and allowed to be vulnerable. When I pick up the phone to txt you or wonder why i haven’t heard from you. It comes back in waves. I appreciate and I’m grateful for having you in my life even if for short time. Perhaps this will be one of things in my life I regret. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I only hope it’s filled with happiness! 🥹"

She is supposed to come back again to pick up the her rest of the items but also communicated about a couple of other things for which I am not engaging much and keeping it as business since I am also healing and responding back within a day or so. She wants to be friends(asked 5-6 times) after the break-up but I told her NO as it doesn't work for me and I need to heal. Either she didn't like me taking my time to respond or whatever I don't know but out of the blue she sent me a nasty message and may be trying to pick a fight:

"[i]I’ll add the concert ticket total to that as well. And as for picking up my stuff, thank you for trying to work with me and I’ll do my best with your short notice. And I wished you give me more dignity in getting my stuff than you just throwing things in boxes as if I were some crazy person and not the person you had intended to marry not that long ago. I would have never done the same to you.
You told me I was to call on you as a my friend one day, but today you are more like my enemy.Don’t engage that’s fine. I’m just getting it off my chest."[I]

I put her stuff nicely and arranged it in boxes to the best of my capacity and took me almost 3 days to collect everything. Ofcourse, she is angry and probably upset about the break-up and I didn't respond to the message but I am wondering if I should interact with her during return pick-up as she might create more drama or handle it some other way?

Way too many words

[Anonymous]

Have a witness with you for when she comes to get the rest of her stuff. Have as much packed up as possible Take pictures of each box as packed and leave open by door, for her to close & load in truck.

[Anonymous]

Change your locks too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a witness with you for when she comes to get the rest of her stuff. Have as much packed up as possible Take pictures of each box as packed and leave open by door, for her to close & load in truck.

This is good advice. She will call and beg and at the same time make you a villain in front of her friends and social circle too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Change your locks too.

+1

[Anonymous]

You can be friends later on (possibly!) but you both need to fully heal ➕ move on first.

[Anonymous]

2nd the suggestion to have someone there when she comes by. Better yet, for that person to be there but for you to be somewhere else. I’d even consider arranging a drop off at an arranged place. She may very well accuse you of something out of anger. Yes, change the locks, all of them.

[Anonymous]

Toss money at it. Have a moving company return her belongings and be done. If she is feeling like an enemy, best not to have her on your property.

[Anonymous]

Have a witness there when she picks it up. I've been there.