Weird friend dynamic; any response needed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not saying that the Small Group members are being fair to you, OP. They are not and are being rude. But I have to wonder if with OP hosting the Bigger Group party that the Small Group members are feeling left out or slighted in some only-makes-sense-to-them way? As in, they may have looked up their Small Group as more exclusive and "theirs" and OP was a big part of that and now OP is, in their minds, mingling with the masses instead of just their more "special" smaller group. Yes, it is extremely middle-schoolish but that is what popped into my head when reading the OP's post.

Simply put, people do not like change.

You know what, they can deal with their self-imposed, entitled hurt feelings, and give OP a call when and if one of them actually turns into a big girl who can make plans. They can adapt to being so wounded that they were invited to a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that you are not up for hosting the Small Group this year but you’d love to go if anyone else is willing to host.

+1
But I’d say it in a different way “I’m only up for hosting one neighborhood Christmas party this year. So sorry you couldn’t make it to that one”. I might even get snarky at their rudeness “sorry you couldn’t make the time for the Christmas party this year” or “happy if you host as it’s too much to host more than one”

[Anonymous]

Wish you all had been here, you were certainly missed! If ideas or plans are in the works for us to get together, please keep me in the loop. I'm available on x dates and would love to see all of you soon.

[Anonymous]

“Oh wow guys, you’re all spelling ‘sorry we skipped your party— we’re going to invite you out for drinks’ wrong!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Oh wow guys, you’re all spelling ‘sorry we skipped your party— we’re going to invite you out for drinks’ wrong!”

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all. I feel better knowing that I’m not just completely taking this wrong, that other people understand where I’m coming from.

I’m going to ignore the messages. If we carry on from here with other texts and chit chat, great, but I’m going to take quite a break from being the one to initiate plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I felt it was my turn to return the favor and host the larger group this year. I'm sorry none of you could make it. Suggest a date and we can make reservations at that Mexican restaurant we like."

I would do this. But I’d say “…and one of us can make reservations…” The Small Group people sound kind of rude. They COULD at least have said, “I didn’t want to come to the big group. But we should get together. What does everyone think of going to that Mexican restaurant? Let’s pick a date!” Not dump it in you. But maybe they felt dumped because historically you’ve been doing all the organizing and suddenly there was a change, so they felt abandoned. But they were not gracious nor did they take any initiative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I felt it was my turn to return the favor and host the larger group this year. I'm sorry none of you could make it. Suggest a date and we can make reservations at that Mexican restaurant we like."

I would do this. But I’d say “…and one of us can make reservations…” The Small Group people sound kind of rude. They COULD at least have said, “I didn’t want to come to the big group. But we should get together. What does everyone think of going to that Mexican restaurant? Let’s pick a date!” Not dump it in you. But maybe they felt dumped because historically you’ve been doing all the organizing and suddenly there was a change, so they felt abandoned. But they were not gracious nor did they take any initiative.

No reasonable adult who truly is a friend would feel “abandoned” by being invited to a larger party instead of a smaller one. If they all have phones and calendars, they can make the plans from here on out. If I were OP I would give it a full year, as someone else suggested, before I ever took on the role of planner for this ungrateful group ever again. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Women are so horrible to each other. You can't even socialize or host a simple game event without all this sniping and hate. It's hopeless. You will never learn to get along.

[Anonymous]

I'd just respond that you are not up to hosting again, but of course would love to see them if they want to organize something at a restaurant for smaller group.

[Anonymous]

Lighten up, OP. These is your not socially savvy friends group. They're not trying to be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lighten up, OP. These is your not socially savvy friends group. They're not trying to be rude.

Do you not get that entitled behavior is rude behavior? OP is not an unpaid social secretary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lighten up, OP. These is your not socially savvy friends group. They're not trying to be rude.

Do you not get that entitled behavior is rude behavior? OP is not an unpaid social secretary.

A social secretary? Are these 80-year-olds?

[Anonymous]

Now IS the time to host The Small Group. Now. Ignore any complaints or shut them up if you have to - but do host since that's been your ordinary role. Overall, they are afraid of losing you.

They just haven't handled it well. Give them some grace on that. They are afraid of losing you to the interests of the bigger group. Immature, yes. But show patience. It will pass. The now for planning something though is important or they will think you planned, all along, to abandon them.

[Anonymous]

OP you are right they are being rude.

But if you are higher status than them in general in the neighborhood, and you value your friendship with them, I'd look for a tactful way to smooth it over and move on. As others have noted, their bad behavior is likely coming from fear of being replaced or abandoned. It's not ideal but this is just a reality of maintaining a friendship with people who may lack the same status. They want reassurance that you are still friends and they are looking for it in a dysfunctional way, but it sounds like normally they are good friends and you get value from their companionship.