Am I being selfish asking not to host this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

I don't understand - the wedding is December 27th? And presumably the rehearsal dinner is the 26th? So when exactly are you supposed to host the in-laws for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

I don't understand - the wedding is December 27th? And presumably the rehearsal dinner is the 26th? So when exactly are you supposed to host the in-laws for dinner?

OP here. Sorry, I thought I mentioned the date: the wedding is the weekend after Christmas WEEKEND, the wedding is January 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

I don't understand - the wedding is December 27th? And presumably the rehearsal dinner is the 26th? So when exactly are you supposed to host the in-laws for dinner?

OP here. Sorry, I thought I mentioned the date: the wedding is the weekend after Christmas WEEKEND, the wedding is January 3rd.

Sure change it up now 🙄

[Anonymous]

Make a reservation and send everyone the details!

[Anonymous]

The in laws are local, right? Is this time spent doing your gift exchange with each other too? I would buy a meal and reheat. Keep it simple, lasagna, bread and Christmas cookies .

[Anonymous]

I think its fine. Your husband is spending a whole weekend with his brother and then you have a wedding weekend with his family during the holidays. You're not cancelling plans with his parents, just changing the venue. If he really insists I would tell your DH that hes in charge of getting the house ready for hosting and you'll order the catering.

[Anonymous]

Of this was me, I would just say to my husband, “ everything is so crazy and we have your brother’s wedding the next weekend, what do you want to do about Xmas with your parents? Can you handle it?” He would say “yes.” And then I would just show up for whatever he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

I don't understand - the wedding is December 27th? And presumably the rehearsal dinner is the 26th? So when exactly are you supposed to host the in-laws for dinner?

OP here. Sorry, I thought I mentioned the date: the wedding is the weekend after Christmas WEEKEND, the wedding is January 3rd.

Sure change it up now 🙄

Chill out.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how you can get out of seeing them if you are hosting your own family. Just invite them all for Christmas Eve and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

I don't understand - the wedding is December 27th? And presumably the rehearsal dinner is the 26th? So when exactly are you supposed to host the in-laws for dinner?

OP here. Sorry, I thought I mentioned the date: the wedding is the weekend after Christmas WEEKEND, the wedding is January 3rd.

That is called the weekend after New Years, not the weekend after Christmas. Christmas is a day, December 25. Not a weekend when it falls on a Thursday.

In any event, do what you want. If your in-laws get mad you can either care or not.

And finally, and most important, IF YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO BE STRESSED ABOUT NOT DOING THE DINNER THEN HE DOES IT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

I don't understand - the wedding is December 27th? And presumably the rehearsal dinner is the 26th? So when exactly are you supposed to host the in-laws for dinner?

OP here. Sorry, I thought I mentioned the date: the wedding is the weekend after Christmas WEEKEND, the wedding is January 3rd.

That is called the weekend after New Years, not the weekend after Christmas. Christmas is a day, December 25. Not a weekend when it falls on a Thursday.

In any event, do what you want. If your in-laws get mad you can either care or not.

And finally, and most important, IF YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO BE STRESSED ABOUT NOT DOING THE DINNER THEN HE DOES IT

Not to white knight, but the weekend of the 27/28th is “Christmas weekend”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

I don't understand - the wedding is December 27th? And presumably the rehearsal dinner is the 26th? So when exactly are you supposed to host the in-laws for dinner?

OP here. Sorry, I thought I mentioned the date: the wedding is the weekend after Christmas WEEKEND, the wedding is January 3rd.

That is called the weekend after New Years, not the weekend after Christmas. Christmas is a day, December 25. Not a weekend when it falls on a Thursday.

In any event, do what you want. If your in-laws get mad you can either care or not.

And finally, and most important, IF YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO BE STRESSED ABOUT NOT DOING THE DINNER THEN HE DOES IT

Not to white knight, but the weekend of the 27/28th is “Christmas weekend”.

WTF is Christmas weekend? This isn't a thing unless Christmas falls on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how you can get out of seeing them if you are hosting your own family. Just invite them all for Christmas Eve and be done with it.

I’m literally the first one to bail on my family, and even I think it’s too late to cancel. Do something simple: go out, cater, potluck, etc - but I think you’re on the hook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how you can get out of seeing them if you are hosting your own family. Just invite them all for Christmas Eve and be done with it.

I’m literally the first one to bail on my family, and even I think it’s too late to cancel. Do something simple: go out, cater, potluck, etc - but I think you’re on the hook.

OP suggested going out! OP, go out and make your husband do the communication and plan it.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it might be too late to get a reservation for this many people. If you have time to clean the house, I'd just order in catering and call it a day.