Am I being selfish asking not to host this year?

[Anonymous]

I’m trying to get a reality check.

December is always busy, but this year has been especially lopsided. Here’s what our weekends look like:

Last weekend DH was out of town for what is technically a “work conference,” but in reality it’s their annual corporate Christmas party that doubles as a networking event. It’s legitimate for him to attend, but practically speaking he was gone all weekend and everything at home was on me.

This weekend he’s away again for his brother’s bachelor party.

Next weekend he has year-end work travel and won’t be back until the afternoon on Saturday.

So he’s basically gone every weekend in December except Christmas weekend, and the weekend after Christmas is his brother’s wedding, with all the events that come with that.

It’s my family’s “year” for Christmas, annd we do a big dinner Christmas Eve. Usually we host a casual dinner at our house with ILs on the 26th or 27th. I really do not want to host this year. I’m exhausted, the month has been nonstop, and I’d love for our home to stay quiet and low-key in the small gap between his travel and the wedding.

I am open to going out to dinner with ILs, somewhere close, early reservation, and that’s it. But I’m worried they’ll feel slighted, and DH will stress about breaking tradition.

Given all of this, is it unreasonable to ask that we not host at our home this year? Is this a selfish request?

[Anonymous]

Not unreasonable and not selfish.

Think of it as self preservation.

[Anonymous]

No, its fine. Just make dinner reservations and let them know you are simplying this year due to all the social engagements. (Their son is getting married! They might be too busy too).

[Anonymous]

Can’t you just suck it up? It’s one day. It’s the holidays. Relax after the wedding.

[Anonymous]

No. You’re not being unreasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you just suck it up? It’s one day. It’s the holidays. Relax after the wedding.

This. Stop acting so weak and helpless. It’s unbecoming.

[Anonymous]

It’s one day. Maybe have it catered? Can’t your DH cook? ILs bring stuff? Explain to them what’s going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not unreasonable and not selfish.

Think of it as self preservation.

Exactly this. Self-preservation isn't the same as selfishness. You can't pour from an empty cup, put your own oxygen mask on first, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you just suck it up? It’s one day. It’s the holidays. Relax after the wedding.

The holidays are supposed to be pleasant, not burdensome. Encouraging someone to overdo it so you/others can freely indulge is anti-Christ.

[Anonymous]

You should have said something long before 2 weeks before Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Operation "dinner out ma'am"!

[Anonymous]

You're going to see all these people two days after Christmas at his brother's wedding? Then yes, it's kind of silly to host them this year if you're stressed. Also, people who get married at Christmas suck.

[Anonymous]

So everyone gets something, including your family’s year for a big dinner on Christmas Eve, but your in-laws are relegated to a lesser option? Naw.

I’m usually very sympathetic. But this seems…I don’t know. Not nice. Just host them and scale back on what that means. Tell your husband to take a day or half-day off work and help get ready for his parents. Cater dinner/get nice-quality takeout if you don’t want to have to cook. Don’t clean as much as you normally would. Your in-laws very likely would prefer a family experience at their son and DILs home. You can make it easier on yourself in a bunch of ways that don’t involve going out to dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have said something long before 2 weeks before Christmas.

This. Maybe make a reservation or get catering. And your husband doesn’t get to pout because he’s been AWOL.

[Anonymous]

Not unreasonable. Not selfish.