How would you divide the money in this divorce scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

OP here - this is what I'm thinking. He will push back on determining what he contributed and yielded on his retirement in the last 13 years, but I think he should.

I strongly disagree. There is a reason someone put an expiration date on the prenup and the other person agreed to the expiration date. The prenup no longer exists. It’s completely irrelevant. This was not a very short marriage and there’s a child involved. There’s no benefit to walking away from money you’re legally entitled to.

That’s not to say that you should push for half his retirement savings prior to your marriage. You don’t need to be vindictive, but you also don’t need to pretend you still have a prenup in effect. Just be fair.

Obviously, they both felt the prenup was fair when they signed it. What changed since then in your mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

She's not entitled to half his retirement when they didn't even get married until he was past 50 and had already saved most of it. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

OP here - this is what I'm thinking. He will push back on determining what he contributed and yielded on his retirement in the last 13 years, but I think he should.

I strongly disagree. There is a reason someone put an expiration date on the prenup and the other person agreed to the expiration date. The prenup no longer exists. It’s completely irrelevant. This was not a very short marriage and there’s a child involved. There’s no benefit to walking away from money you’re legally entitled to.

That’s not to say that you should push for half his retirement savings prior to your marriage. You don’t need to be vindictive, but you also don’t need to pretend you still have a prenup in effect. Just be fair.

Obviously, they both felt the prenup was fair when they signed it. What changed since then in your mind?

They felt it was fair for a short term (5 years or less) marriage. They did not feel that it was fair for a longer marriage. They’ve been married 13 years.

[Anonymous]

Why get divorced? Why not just stay married and live separate lives?

[Anonymous]

You need a lawyer. He should give you a portion of retirement, and alimony. Don’t be bullied. He owes you this.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a decent person. He is old and will probably have some health problems. He will need that retirement money to live. I would leave retirement and split the other money in half. Then just split the kid costs.

You are relatively still young and will date again. Sounds like you are from a well off family. Just divorce amicably. No drama and no fighting about money will be good for your child. S/he will likely have to care for the elderly father one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

OP here - this is what I'm thinking. He will push back on determining what he contributed and yielded on his retirement in the last 13 years, but I think he should.

I strongly disagree. There is a reason someone put an expiration date on the prenup and the other person agreed to the expiration date. The prenup no longer exists. It’s completely irrelevant. This was not a very short marriage and there’s a child involved. There’s no benefit to walking away from money you’re legally entitled to.

That’s not to say that you should push for half his retirement savings prior to your marriage. You don’t need to be vindictive, but you also don’t need to pretend you still have a prenup in effect. Just be fair.

Obviously, they both felt the prenup was fair when they signed it. What changed since then in your mind?

They felt it was fair for a short term (5 years or less) marriage. They did not feel that it was fair for a longer marriage. They’ve been married 13 years.

You don't know that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a decent person. He is old and will probably have some health problems. He will need that retirement money to live. I would leave retirement and split the other money in half. Then just split the kid costs.

You are relatively still young and will date again. Sounds like you are from a well off family. Just divorce amicably. No drama and no fighting about money will be good for your child. S/he will likely have to care for the elderly father one day.

Yeah, because the dating market is just bustling for 50 y/os. She's not far from retirement herself and should look out for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree you're not really entitled to what he saved up before you met. I'd probably ask for 200,000 of the non-retirement funds plus generous child support.

You may want to disregard any of the advice from this person, a CS is determined by a state mandated calculator and you can "ask" for anything you want, but you get what you get based on the state calculator.

[Anonymous]

You need a lawyer. It doesn’t have to be adversarial but you need to make sure you’re getting the proper advice.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to do this right without a lawyer or at least a mediator. You both need to understand the law and resolve the matter accordingly. Everything earned and saved gets split 50/50. Premarital assets are separate, but it's hard to prove separate assets when you have comingling, so all assets will be deemed marital unless proven otherwise. Child support will be difficult in your scenario with you unemployed and him of retirement age. Future inheritances are irrelevent. Based on the numbers you presented, you absolutely need to get a job. You cannot survive without one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

OP here - this is what I'm thinking. He will push back on determining what he contributed and yielded on his retirement in the last 13 years, but I think he should.

I strongly disagree. There is a reason someone put an expiration date on the prenup and the other person agreed to the expiration date. The prenup no longer exists. It’s completely irrelevant. This was not a very short marriage and there’s a child involved. There’s no benefit to walking away from money you’re legally entitled to.

That’s not to say that you should push for half his retirement savings prior to your marriage. You don’t need to be vindictive, but you also don’t need to pretend you still have a prenup in effect. Just be fair.

Obviously, they both felt the prenup was fair when they signed it. What changed since then in your mind?

They felt it was fair for a short term (5 years or less) marriage. They did not feel that it was fair for a longer marriage. They’ve been married 13 years.

You don't know that

Yes, I do, because they both agreed to the prenup’s having an expiration date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please see a lawyer.

+1 ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a decent person. He is old and will probably have some health problems. He will need that retirement money to live. I would leave retirement and split the other money in half. Then just split the kid costs.

You are relatively still young and will date again. Sounds like you are from a well off family. Just divorce amicably. No drama and no fighting about money will be good for your child. S/he will likely have to care for the elderly father one day.

Yeah, because the dating market is just bustling for 50 y/os. She's not far from retirement herself and should look out for herself.

Everybody needs to look out for themselves in a divorce. Don't be stupid. Understand the law and get what is yours, and then get a job, because you are both going to be in the poor house after this divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

OP here - a few more details:
1. We did have a prenup that stated we would each take out what we brought in, and divide whatever we earned during the marriage. It expired after 5 years.
2. I am initiating the divorce, due to his behavior, but he has never been unfaithful or dishonest, not that it necessarily matters.
3. I really do not want to leave him in the lurch, but maybe that's my guilt talking.

If your prenup has a 5-year expiration, then it's long expired as a matter of law. Don't give it another thought. Also, don't be emotional. Guilt has no place here. You need an attorney at a minimum to help you come up with a settlement offer. Involving an attorney doesn't need to be contentious. If anything, it will take the emotion out of the divorce. The reality is - you have a young kid - and your STBXH isn't going to able to help support your kid for much longer due to age, so you need to get the best settlement you can so that you can support your kid.