Two spouses: a play

[Anonymous]

A green sweater is now considered a mental load. You people exhaust me.

[Anonymous]

Someone’s bitter

[Anonymous]

I think things work better when one parent carries the mental load. I don’t want to trip over my husband over different green sweaters or different birthday presents. So it is easier for me to do Act 1. You could theoretically divide kid by kid to share it better (Mom just only tracks Larlo’s stuff and tells Dad when to show up; Dad only tracks Larla and Elizabeth’s stufff and tells Mom when to show up), but I would worry about that family dynamic that could result from that.

The real story is how he behaves in Act 2. Does he recognize I organized everything and periodically thank me (I don’t need it every time) and generally make me feel appreciated? Or does he take a pompous victory lap giving himself all the credit. Things don’t have to be even but spouses, both mental load bearing and the other, need to appreciate each other’s contributions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

Yeah, it's almost like raising a kid is a full-time job, even after they're weaned or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Act 1
A happy family, one husband, one wife and three lovely children. Child A has a holiday performance on Thursday morning and needs to wear a “green Christmas sweater, blue jeans and white sneakers” per teacher instructions. Child 2 has Christmas caroling at the old people’s home on Friday and needs a red dress and plate of cookies. Child 3 is receiving an award for a speech on Friday also, and will be needing a birthday present for friend’s party that same afternoon. Wife takes care of all of these things noiselessly, on top of regular work. She also lets husband know where to be on performance and award day.
Act 2
Husband: shows up.
Act 3
Society: why do women complain about mental labor? It’s a fiction that only exists in their hysterical imaginations and they invent tasks to do because they are hysterical.

Curtain.

The way this play starts is basically Finnegan's Wake. "One husband, one wife..." Should I assume that there would be 2 or 3 or 4 wives and husbands? This grey area shows the author's depth. Is anyone else confused by the naming of the children? We move from a letter schematic to a numbering schematic. Is child A adopted? Is child A even real? Does child A represent man's inhumanity to man? Is the author of this playing then numbering children to represent a slide in the west to depersonalization over individuality? Does the mother even know she has three kids and can't count?
Act 2 is brutal. The husband, a nameless, faceless character does something for his, alleged, children. Heartbreaking. He shows up, but he doesn't. That tension is so real, so raw, so honest. You can really feel this amorphous person doing things for his family and how much the wife resents him. It's devastating. Act 3 shook me--the chorus just comes in hot with mental labor and no context. The text does the thing it talks about--it comes in hysterically, invents itself and its' complaints, and then leaves just as abruptly. The curtain wrecked me. Is that a curtain on society? On the marriage? On the play? Does the husband kill himself because he has to listen to his wife complain about doing things she wanted and all he does is "show up"--does he just stop? This play is a masterpiece of post-structural literature. We are lucky to have this literary giant putting out these works on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

It's mostly women creating work for other women. If the men ran the schools there would be none of this at all. No Amazon wish lists for class parties, no wearing special socks on special sock day, no coordinated outfits, no twinning day, and all the other nonsense that the mental load carriers like to complain about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

It's mostly women creating work for other women. If the men ran the schools there would be none of this at all. No Amazon wish lists for class parties, no wearing special socks on special sock day, no coordinated outfits, no twinning day, and all the other nonsense that the mental load carriers like to complain about.

I disagree that it’s limited to women because our (male) administrator is absolutely obsessed with doing themed days (he just sent a reminder that ugly sweater day is Friday if you wondered) but I entirely agree all this theme day, wish list, etc. is WAY out of control.

When i was an elementary student we showed up for our winter concert in our holiday dresses. No additional shopping needed. And that was the *sole* event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

It's mostly women creating work for other women. If the men ran the schools there would be none of this at all. No Amazon wish lists for class parties, no wearing special socks on special sock day, no coordinated outfits, no twinning day, and all the other nonsense that the mental load carriers like to complain about.

I always wonder if private schools don't do all this extra stuff.

[Anonymous]

All of this extra shopping could be done on Amazon and be delivered in one day. It's not that difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Act 1
A happy family, one husband, one wife and three lovely children. Child A has a holiday performance on Thursday morning and needs to wear a “green Christmas sweater, blue jeans and white sneakers” per teacher instructions. Child 2 has Christmas caroling at the old people’s home on Friday and needs a red dress and plate of cookies. Child 3 is receiving an award for a speech on Friday also, and will be needing a birthday present for friend’s party that same afternoon. Wife takes care of all of these things noiselessly, on top of regular work. She also lets husband know where to be on performance and award day.
Act 2
Husband: shows up.
Act 3
Society: why do women complain about mental labor? It’s a fiction that only exists in their hysterical imaginations and they invent tasks to do because they are hysterical.

Curtain.

All of these things being … picking out some clothing, getting some cookies and a birthday present? That … sounds … exhausting? Is that what my takeaway is here?

At any point was there some discussion in the family? “Larla, find a green shirt. Marla, get your read dress. Darla, pick out a present on Amazon. Honey, can you pick up some snickerdoodles on the way home?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

It's mostly women creating work for other women. If the men ran the schools there would be none of this at all. No Amazon wish lists for class parties, no wearing special socks on special sock day, no coordinated outfits, no twinning day, and all the other nonsense that the mental load carriers like to complain about.

I always wonder if private schools don't do all this extra stuff.

Mine does. But they always seem to have a ton of volunteers so if it's not your thing you just send in the easiest low effort things for parties (plates, napkins). And my kids are a bit older so if they forget the special socks or other spirit day item then it's too bad for them. Not the same for a kindergartener or 1st grader who wouldn't be able to manage. That's just one way to offload is to just put it back on the kids to remember if it's important to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

It's mostly women creating work for other women. If the men ran the schools there would be none of this at all. No Amazon wish lists for class parties, no wearing special socks on special sock day, no coordinated outfits, no twinning day, and all the other nonsense that the mental load carriers like to complain about.

I disagree that it’s limited to women because our (male) administrator is absolutely obsessed with doing themed days (he just sent a reminder that ugly sweater day is Friday if you wondered) but I entirely agree all this theme day, wish list, etc. is WAY out of control.

When i was an elementary student we showed up for our winter concert in our holiday dresses. No additional shopping needed. And that was the *sole* event.

I have never been at a school where the few males were coordinating this. That is an anomaly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized all these events to begin with? Start there.

There are a million threads on General Parenting complaining about the schools organizing all of this stuff. Not only do you need to do all of this, but there are 14 different apps and emails where this information is located.

Yeah, it's almost like raising a kid is a full-time job, even after they're weaned or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Wife takes care of all of these things noiselessly

Wife does not want to communicate with family to improve her situation; wife wants to be miserable and complain.