Dreadful Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

No, but we let her set her schedule and things. We had a few "mandatory" things but let her sleep, see friends, and just relax. Even though I wanted to do all of our usual "tradition' things together, I had to adapt to that. Which is fine. So it was a good visit and I can't wait for winter break.

[Anonymous]

I am already reading books and blogs etc about how to manage adult relationships with kids. It matters so much to me and I don’t feel like DH nor I had great models in our own parents. I want them to feel fully supported and cared for but not controlled or smothered. Feels like threading a needle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, not dreadful. Mainly because I don't react.

If kid wants to wake up at 3 pm? - I am fine.
If the entire floor is littered with clothes? - I am fine.
If they eat cold TG leftovers for breakfast? - I am fine.

Why would any of this not be OK? Presumably she will take her clothes with her. Doesn’t everyone eat leftovers after Thanksgiving? Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s common F and S year.

I had very honest and hard talks about soiling the best and I could not be their target.

If you don’t want life long problems don’t threaten them with money and support. Get a therapist and work through it.

I hope you aren’t talking to your kids about soiling the nest. You need a therapist! Learn to edit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am already reading books and blogs etc about how to manage adult relationships with kids. It matters so much to me and I don’t feel like DH nor I had great models in our own parents. I want them to feel fully supported and cared for but not controlled or smothered. Feels like threading a needle.

Have you visited the adult forum here?:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/forums/show/85.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already reading books and blogs etc about how to manage adult relationships with kids. It matters so much to me and I don’t feel like DH nor I had great models in our own parents. I want them to feel fully supported and cared for but not controlled or smothered. Feels like threading a needle.

Have you visited the adult forum here?:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/forums/show/85.page

Adult children forum..discussions to deal with younger adult kids and someone posted about their 37 year old "kid" recently.

[Anonymous]

No, my kids are not the argumentative type. One of them doesn't take fools gladly, but she's resigned to the fact that her parents will always be foolish and it's no use trying to change us. Also, she kind of likes us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s common F and S year.

I had very honest and hard talks about soiling the best and I could not be their target.

If you don’t want life long problems don’t threaten them with money and support. Get a therapist and work through it.

I hope you aren’t talking to your kids about soiling the nest. You need a therapist! Learn to edit.

Why? Not PP, but it's actually what needs to happen so that young adults get some perspective. I haven't had that discussion specifically, since in our case there was no soiling the nest, but I've had many a discussion with my teens and young adults to explain their behavior to them... because they sometimes don't understand why they do the things they do. And it's a quicker, painless fix if is comes from me, in a loving way than if we go a roundabout way of hiring a therapist, explaining the problem, etc.

[Anonymous]

No. My son has always known what college is costing me as a single parent. He has summer jobs to pay for all of his own stuff. He’s always grateful and came home shocked how many rich kids go to school with him. They invited him skiing over winter break and when he asked how much it will cost for his share of the rental, they said they had no clue since their parents paid for all of it. He can’t believe these kids get monthly allowances of hu dress of dollars either. So sometimes he is moody but he never acts insufferable. He knows better.

[Anonymous]

TG was unexpectedly great with freshman DS. He seems happy and grounded, says he has a terrific group of friends, and seemed to really soak up the luxuries of home (comfy full bed, laundry services provided by Mom .

[Anonymous]

It was a good mix of family time and them hanging out with their friends.

I feel like one of my kids (sophomore) might have turned a corner from a sullen/sulky teen to a partially normal human! He engaged with us, played games willingly, went to see a movie and had thoughtful dialogue at the end...of course he also slept till 12p everyday!

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving was good- some adulting-letting go issues were ironed out earlier during parents weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it political arguments?

DC came home from Ivy with views that have shifted more to the center.

BS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. My son has always known what college is costing me as a single parent. He has summer jobs to pay for all of his own stuff. He’s always grateful and came home shocked how many rich kids go to school with him. They invited him skiing over winter break and when he asked how much it will cost for his share of the rental, they said they had no clue since their parents paid for all of it. He can’t believe these kids get monthly allowances of hu dress of dollars either. So sometimes he is moody but he never acts insufferable. He knows better.

Just stop with the crap.
You chose to have a kid you could not afford that is on you and no one else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My son has always known what college is costing me as a single parent. He has summer jobs to pay for all of his own stuff. He’s always grateful and came home shocked how many rich kids go to school with him. They invited him skiing over winter break and when he asked how much it will cost for his share of the rental, they said they had no clue since their parents paid for all of it. He can’t believe these kids get monthly allowances of hu dress of dollars either. So sometimes he is moody but he never acts insufferable. He knows better.

Just stop with the crap.
You chose to have a kid you could not afford that is on you and no one else

If I couldn’t afford him, he most certainly wouldn’t be in college. Teach your kids to be grateful for what they have and they won’t be entitled brats.