Do you still communicate with your ex spouse on issues not related to your kids?

[Anonymous]

We sit together at kids games, do kids birthdays together, trick or treat, Xmas morning, rabdom logistics (like we went together to update the kids passports recently). We live 2 blocks apart and run into each other or pop over to the park in the middle of one of us is missing the kids or we forget to send something to the others house. In those moments we chit chat and catch up about work or our families or the dog or good friends. Outside of seeing each other those times, texting is 100% kid related and phone calls are for emergencies.

[Anonymous]

I think the norm is not to talk. But there are couples who are the exception. Good for them. But it’s also fine if you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Kid related stuff only. Can't wait until they are in college and this communication is over.

Ditto. We only communicate via email, sparingly. This will end at HS graduation. Actions have consequences.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 xHs. I still talk to one - we had a massive amount of conflict as a couple, but he was one of my best friends and I've never met anyone who 'got' me the way he did. We do have to tone it down because our current partners get anxious. I could see us potentially getting back together years down the road, if we are both single and the kids are grown (a lot of our conflict was around parenting).

The other - nope. He was a liar, cheater, and ruined me financially. Racked up a bunch of debt I didn't know about and even cheated while I was giving birth to our child. He texts me randomly a couple times a week and I just ignore them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sit together at kids games, do kids birthdays together, trick or treat, Xmas morning, rabdom logistics (like we went together to update the kids passports recently). We live 2 blocks apart and run into each other or pop over to the park in the middle of one of us is missing the kids or we forget to send something to the others house. In those moments we chit chat and catch up about work or our families or the dog or good friends. Outside of seeing each other those times, texting is 100% kid related and phone calls are for emergencies.

I tried to have the above kind of relationship. I'm glad if it works for some people. But, over time, the same lying, manipulation, aggression and lack of empathy that ended our marriage came out at the times that PP mentions. Ultimately, trying to keep exDH as a coparent and friend was stressful for me, the kids and the adult bystanders. When the youngest was in middle school, I finally grey-rocked exDH, and left him to sink or swim in his relationship with his kids.

I actively avoid telling him anything other than what is emergency-level info about the kids. And, now that the kids are over 18, the bar for "emergency level" has gotten higher.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we text funny things to each other. We watch each other dogs. We're friends. We do not have sex.

[Anonymous]

We used to. He would text me when good or bad things were going on, shared memories, updates on mutual friends, etc….I mean, we grew up together and had a good marriage for 20 years.
-then his wife found out. She started checking his phone and forbade him to talk to me or kids unless she was present.
He still reached out to me, without her, but I limited my responses to very bare minimum. Long story short, I don’t hear from him any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We were friends before we got married and were friends after the divorce. We have 2 kids.

We still bounce ideas off of each other, complain about work, we might even go out to dinner on our own if we have a lot to discuss about the kids.

What led to your divorce and are either of you seeing other people? I have a friend who is similarly still friends with her ex. But their marriage ended because she came to terms with her sexuality and they decided divorcing was the best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you still communicate with your ex spouse on issues not related to your kids? Like do you randomly text them or call them just to chat?

Nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We were friends before we got married and were friends after the divorce. We have 2 kids.

We still bounce ideas off of each other, complain about work, we might even go out to dinner on our own if we have a lot to discuss about the kids.

Weird

We only do kid stuff and if they need support due to a crisis (in order for it not to as negatively affect the kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the norm is not to talk. But there are couples who are the exception. Good for them. But it’s also fine if you don’t.

I don’t think the norm is to never ever talk. I chat with my ex at drop offs and sometimes if something comes up that we know impacts the other person (ie news that impacts job). I think frequent social contact would be more unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sit together at kids games, do kids birthdays together, trick or treat, Xmas morning, rabdom logistics (like we went together to update the kids passports recently). We live 2 blocks apart and run into each other or pop over to the park in the middle of one of us is missing the kids or we forget to send something to the others house. In those moments we chit chat and catch up about work or our families or the dog or good friends. Outside of seeing each other those times, texting is 100% kid related and phone calls are for emergencies.

I tried to have the above kind of relationship. I'm glad if it works for some people. But, over time, the same lying, manipulation, aggression and lack of empathy that ended our marriage came out at the times that PP mentions. Ultimately, trying to keep exDH as a coparent and friend was stressful for me, the kids and the adult bystanders. When the youngest was in middle school, I finally grey-rocked exDH, and left him to sink or swim in his relationship with his kids.

I actively avoid telling him anything other than what is emergency-level info about the kids. And, now that the kids are over 18, the bar for "emergency level" has gotten higher.

I guess I am able to compartmentalize. ex can still be the same d*ck as ever and I walk away from that if possible (not always since it usually involves a kid issue). But if he hasn’t been being a d*ck recently it is no skin off my back to have a friendly chat - although I don’t seek it out and it’s not regular or extensive. I’m curious to meet any new girlfriend eventually and also be able to be friendly with her on the same highly superficial level. I guess I just prefer good vibes if possible. But definitely not extended contact. Like even though his mom would invite me I am definitely not going to their Thanksgiving!

[Anonymous]

After 10 years of coparenting, we can now sit together at a kid's game or graduation and make pleasant small talk. At some point, you accept them for all their limitations and live your life, and that's the point when small talk becomes easier.